(Editor’s Note: Today, we welcome our newest blogger, G-J, whose husband, Steve, was diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment last December. G-J, 49-years-old, and Steve, 55-years-old, are also parents of a teenager.)
My family and I live in Southern California near where I grew up. I spent years taking the requisite swimming lessons and could swim to save my life, but I’m not a swimmer and would much rather just splash in the water. However, it doesn’t seem to matter if you are at a pool or the ocean, when you approach the water with trepidation, there are always people who will tell you to “jump right in” to the water rather than taking your time and getting wet slowly.
I would rather dip my toes into the water and s-l-o-w-l-y get wet. I don’t want to jump in because that water might be cold and that takes my breath away! Sometimes when you get into the water it’s warm and pleasant and other times it is like ice water.
Frankly, this is how I am with just about everything in life. I want to take my time approaching the situation, event, issue, or anything else. I want to plan in advance, and study everything I can.
Honestly, I want those “Bewitched” TV show moments where Samantha could freeze time, handle the situation, defrost everyone, and life continued on, undisturbed. I’ve wanted those moments since I became a parent so I could look up the solution in a parenting book. It hasn’t happened yet.
And then you are hit with caregiving. There is no time to study, plan, analyze, assess, or test the waters. You have to jump right in, and actually, I think it’s more like you are pushed!
In September my dad passed away. I made it to the shore of the Caregiving Ocean and sat down to take a break and look around. And before I knew it, less than a month later, we found out my husband was having memory issues and I was back in the water. I was used to the water by the time I’d left but now it felt cold, dark, and very scary. About two months later, after many appointments and tests, we were told it was Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI) which might, or might not, lead to Alzheimer’s.
Some days I feel like I’ve spent my day adrift in the Caregiving Ocean, buffeted by the waves of conflicting information and scheduling challenges. Other days I’m buoyed by life preservers in the form of supportive e-mails, loving friends, or attending a support group.
Nights are peaceful, except for our sleepwalking son, and each morning is a chance for a new start on this journey. So now, to begin each day, I jump right in.
Oh, what a beautiful post! I love your analogy to water and the ocean. And, if only, we could have Bewitched moments!
Life certainly can send tidal waves, can’t it? Just as you were grieving for your dad, another situation arrives to grieve over. Although… was the last one more of a tsunami? That’s the news that will shake your world.
I’m so glad you are sharing your days with us! I look forward to reading your posts.
Welcome G-J and thank you for your post. I love your reminder that each day gives us a new start. It is definitely hard to “inch in” to caregiving. Many challenges come unexpectedly and need to be processed and attended to right away. I am so sorry about your dad and now all of this with your husband. Take Care of yourself and please know you have support here.
Welcome G-J! We are so glad you joined our caregiving.com family. I can identify so much with your blog. I too prefer to study and plan before jumping into a new situation. Caregiving does not give you that luxury. All of a sudden you are thrown into a world you did not anticipate or seek. Also caregiving seems to keep changing with new challenges and unexpected changes.
My caree is also my husband. My husband has a rare neurological disease called Multiple Systems Atrophy Type C. Basically his cerebellum is wasting away. It affects his balance, small motor skills, speech, response time, and a host of other issues. In four years he has gone from still working to a wheelchair and to now even needing more help in the bathroom and getting into bed. Each new and gradual step down is heartbreaking. My faith is what keeps me going.
Feel free to express your feelings here. We all understand. Once again, welcome!
I also would like to say welcome G-J..
I agree with all my friends above…this was a wonderful post. I need to take some advice on this one because I tend to be in a hurry and jump right into the water most of the time. I have to learn sometimes that the bigger the decision the longer the wait… .but on the other hand I suppose my jumping in personality makes it a little easier to deal with the unexpected.
I cared for my 84 year old aunt in our home for five months before she passed away of leukemia in 2006 and then in 2008 my mom jumped in her spot after having a heart attack at 89 and is now 91 living here with us. I have found many life preservers here. It however must be even more difficult losing your dad and then finding out your husband is now sick. I think caring for a spouse must be even harder to be honest than what Im going through. I so look forward to reading more of your story as you post. We all have different tales but have the same goal, to get through another day….
To get through another day, yes….welcome, welcome G-J….just treadin water here, trying to stay afloat!
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