I have written about how even though this is my favorite time of year, it is also my worst time. This is the season of picnics and parades and outdoor parties. We do get invites, but often the work involved to for both of us to attend is just too much. Setting up one or more sitters for mom so that we can go to a gathering, and not watch the time to rush back home. It is no fun at all when we have to go by our self, and one stay home, so most of the time, we just don’t go anywhere.
As I thought about this, I went back to my being invisible post, where I had talked about how I had wanted someone to bring me free pancakes at a local spot was offering. What if family/friends considered bringing a dish or even more then one from a picnic, cookout or party, to a home where they knew a caregiver was, who couldn’t get out and enjoy these functions? Does anyone think about something like that?
I am not just referring to myself and my husband, but any caregiver who cannot go and enjoy these good times in the summer. Of course this can apply to any holiday or function where food is involved, and these individuals would be there if it was not for their caregiving responsibilities.
The 4th of July is coming up, it will be a quiet and lonely day, watching all the cars driving by going to the parade and then back home to get ready for their picnics and cookouts. Then at night driving downtown to watch the fireworks. Some of these things we pretty much stopped doing long ago when the kids didn’t want to anymore. But to have a choice to do them, that we really don’t have anymore.
It is not just missing out on all the wonderful summer foods, some of which we could fix, but it is certainly not the same, it is that someone thought about us, and they took the time to bless us with some picnic goodies. It is not being invisible, it is someone caring about us here within these 4 walls.
Does anyone ever think about what good deed they could do for someone? Well, here you go…go bless a caregiver with some wonderful summer treats! Little things mean a lot, believe me!
Hi Donna–I love how you express not only that it’s hard but why it’s hard. Your explanation is quite eloquent.
For many years, I sponsored a Cook for a Caregiver Day in March, encouraging family members of family caregivers to bring a prepared meal and then stay to share the meal. I let it slip the past few years, but will get back to it. Perhaps I should also add “BBQ for a Caregiver” on July 4.
(FYI: Cook for a Caregiver was one of three “Family Caregiver Awareness Days,” which also included Job Jar Day and Kiss a Caregiver. I make sure to hold Kiss a Caregiver Day every year, which is the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.)
Anyhoo, I digress!! Thanks for your post. I love how you speak what so many experience. Keep the faith.
BBQ huh, you deliver?? lol
You bet! The first BBQ for a Caregiver, I will bring hamburgers and hot dogs straight to your door!
whoo hoo!
I so agree… you know what is sad, I have done this, caregiving, for so long, and alone, that I don’t enjoy going out anymore. Being in a crowd freaks me out. I have been having a heck of a time getting out. The grocery store and library are even starting to bother me. So, if you bring food, knock and leave it on the porch, I’ll grab it when you are gone!!!
Thanks for the post Donna…
Yup, I was the same way until fairly recently. I actually dealt with anxiety when I went to the grocery store or drove the car, no fun, easier to stay home. But I was able to start doing a little more, and got over it thank God for that! Still, it is easier to stay home, then go through all the prep it takes to go out sometimes! Hey, I would take a picnic basket of goodies left on my doorstep anytime! lol
Not long ago I had a friend hand me a casserole saying, “I don’t cook for anyone but thought you could use this”. It definitely came in handy during a week with doctor appointments, a cross country meet, and Boy Scouts, but it tasted especially great because a friend had gone out of her way to make it for us.
Tomorrow a friend’s daughter is coming over. My friend’s husband, in his late 40′s, was just diagnosed with rectal cancer. When I take the daughter back home after a day at a park and nature center with me, Steve, and our son (the two kids are the same grade), I’m sending her home with chili that can go into their freezer and wait for the day it is needed.
Donna, I wish you lived close enough that I could bring dinner over for you, too!
Donna, I care about you…I sure wish I could drive over and share a nice barbeque with you also….Your absolutely right when you say its one thing to no longer want to go see the fireworks…but at least you had the choice…..and of course you could prepare a hamburger for you and your husband…but your right, its not the same….
For some reason I was just talking to Kevin asking if we could possibly stay here at home on the 4th…( I call it concrete beach lol)…but I think for once I would like to be home. Sometimes with the traffic on holidays for me with mom it is easier to just be home….we always go to his sisters but just this one year I would like a staycation….
I will get my tony roma prepared ribs…I can make corn on the cob and watermelon here at home….I can call you that day…we can have a staycation at home together:) but your right my friend, the difference is Im choosing to stay at concrete beach versus the party….
just like when your computer was down…im with you in my heart:) thanks for the reminder that I still must be grateful for I have the choice to stay or go….
thank you New Yawker, I would love to spend a 4th with you. You know it is so much about the choices we have or don’t have when we become caregivers, and the “lay people” stop thinking about us, even during special times, holidays etc. I don’t know if those things will ever change.
i know…they all get to wake up each morning and just pick up and go and live their lives…I totally understand that…
but hey, the heck with them..
we have each other…..celebrations are our creations to make and form….we can figue out some way to find fireworks despite them…..
and in my case I will eat a lot less here at concrete beach lol…and mom wont explode for two days for she really goes crazy when we take her out and my tool belt is on my hip for days….
keep smiling….
Hi Donna,
“Peripheral Vision” is a gift particularly designed for caregivers. Unfortunately, others may not see the needs as we might. It would be wonderful if others could see the need and act. Maybe caregivers can give others the nudge they need. I can think of one caregiver in paricular, in our church, that might just need a 4th of July surprise. Thank you for the nudge!
It is true indeed that only another caregiver can truly understand the needs of another caregiver. I hope you get that special July 4 surprise you are looking for this year, Donna.