Today, our Your Caregiving Journey, Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, author of “A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness,” joined us for our monthly chat on happiness. Usually, we talk about how to be a happier you. Today, we spoke about how to be a happy you on behalf of others. In other words, we discussed how to be happy for others when your own happiness seems elusive. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post.
The take-aways for me from today’s show include:
–When others have good news and I’m having a bad day, I will remember to step outside of myself in order to congratulate them on their good news. Their good news is not about me or where I am in my life, or an indication that I don’t have a good life. Their good news is simply that. And, that’s why I can be happy for them.
–That tinge of envy or jealousy we may feel upon hearing another’s good news is a reminder that we need to focus on creating some of what we want in our life right now. Perhaps we can’t travel to Europe, but we can turn our backyard into a bit of paradise with a kiddie pool and fun patio furniture. A relaxing few minutes in a comfy chair while dangling my feet in a turtle-shaped plastic pool sounds rather awesome to me right now.
–We also can feel good about sharing our good news with others. In essence, we can’t withhold our happiness worrying about whether our good news will upset others. At times, we may want to be more diplomatic about sharing by saying, “I have some good news. I want to share it with you because you’re such an important person in my life.” We also can know that our responsibility is to share good news. We are not responsible for how our good news is received. If others seem to ignore our good news or receive it as if we gave them a cold fish, that’s okay. More important: Don’t let the story of your good news become the story of how others aren’t happy for your good news. That’s the way to turn your happy story into an unhappy one.
–Elizabeth shared good advice about our anticipatory worry: Don’t put your winter coat on in the summer.
I’d love to hear your feedback to today’s show. I also wonder: Does your caregiving situation make it a little harder to feel happy for others’ good news? How do you cope?
Program Notes: Our next show, Brain Games, airs tomorrow at 11:30 a.m. CT. And, Anna Stookey will join us Friday at 9:30 a.m. CT (new time!) to talk about the five traits of well-being (hope, gratitude, curiosity, zest and capacity to love/be loved).
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- Visualizations: The No-Cost, Feel-Good Daily Vitamin (caregiving.com)
- Talking Hope (caregiving.com)
- When Three’s Company… (caregiving.com)
You are a disruptor. The delivery of health care starts with you, continues because of you, and ends with you. Let's disrupt together to make the world better for family caregivers. 
G-J
This is great and such an important reminder! The last comment reminds me of my grandmother’s say, “Don’t borrow trouble.” I was reminded of this a lot after Steve’s diagnosis when I would worry about the future and find myself getting sick over what might happen.
donna ryan
gj…you were worried and scared because you care….but always remember…tomorrow isnt more important that today my friend….dont get sick over tomorrow any more:) embrace today….
Dilys
I have a question: To what point are we truly that in control of our emotions that we can decide to be happy or sad? You have to be healthy to feel happy. I have hypothyroidism which is now under control, but when it wasn’t I felt like a dirty dishrag and no amount of will power changed that. What changed it was more thyroid hormone. In another area, I just saw on youtube a lecture which said that estrogen is a mild anti-depressant so when you don’t have that hormone anymore you can feel a tad down. To me downness is very often related to health. Exercising is one thing that causes good feelings so exercising is a must for example. I agree of course that we can choose to be jealous or happy for others, but that underlying bad feeling can be a result of health problems.
Denise
Just as our bad feelings may be a trigger to make a change, it also can be a trigger that our health may be out of balance. You’ve given us a great reminder to stay on top of our own health, because our health impacts us physically and emotionally.
I’ve got a book on my “To Read” list called “Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life” by Martin Seligman. I think I will defer an answer to your great question (“To what point are we truly that in control of our emotions that we can decide to be happy or sad?”) until I read it.
And, I think you’ve give us our topic for our next Happiness topic in August.
donna ryan
I actually listened to the show yesterday and received a lot of help from it….I know myself at times success breeds envy….when I hear others are going on a week trip somewhere who wouldnt be envious….however I also have good things in my life….its not the other peoples faults that I cant take a trip.
I also was helped as there was someone in my life who was not very excited for my sons great news lately and for a while I was letting that ruin my joy and excitement…and I learned that its not my problem how someone reacts but Im the loser if I let the lack of enthusiasm of others effect me…..
I have a huge zest for living….I think there are some that actually may be envious of me….WE all have different gifts, talents and successes that some may envy…..
Im learning to focus on just mine but if I do feel envious look at the person and think wow…thats great they had success…and if its something I really think I would want in my life I try to use the time that I would have been jealous before and think of ways instead of having it as well:)