Right now the firecrackers are already beginning to go off in preparation for the game between Brazil and Holland.

We’re battling away trying to keep mum out of the hospital. I think we’re beginning to lose the battle. It’s depressing!! Last night, mum groaned all night long. It didn’t seem to be pain, so we think it was the neurological groan she has. It’s very distressing and hard to sleep with her groaning. You try to sleep because it apparently isn’t because of pain, but it’s almost impossible to do.

Mum has had 6 sessions of vascular massage to try and get her ankles to unswell. I can’t see much result, but the physiotherapist says she has to keep on doing it to try and avoid more episodes of erysipelas. She’s also not doing much urine anymore, at least not as much as we’d like, even though she is drinking a lot. This, according to the physiotherapist, is also due to the swelling of her ankles. The lymph circulation is kaput. Mum has been going and coming via taxis because I’ve been working. Now that she has to continue with the sessions, I’ll still have to use taxis because I won’t be able to drive because of the operation.

I’m so very tired of seeing my mum slowly fall apart! Like Emily says, we aren’t even eating right, we gulp our food because mum having difficulty eating, choking, refusing to swallow is a distressful sight! You get so you can’t stand it anymore!

Today is my birthday and I’m having a typical caregiver moment, that is, ‘I’m tired’, ‘what’s the point of all this’, ‘I’m losing my life, it’s slipping by, I’m losing opportunities’ and ‘Is this what awaits me in the future?’ I guess ‘we’re born to trouble as the sparks fly upward’.

My operation on my hand has been set for July 7th. Here’s hoping all will go well!