This afternoon, on Your Caregiving Journey, we spoke with Viki Kind, clinical bioethicist, medical educator, hospice volunteer and author of “The Caregiver’s Path to Compassionate Decision Making: Making Choices for Those Who Can’t.” We asked Viki to work us through these tough question: When do I step in to help my caree? And, when do I back off? You can listen to our discussion via the player at the bottom of the post.
Our discussion today focused on carees without a cognitive impairment. (For carees with a cognitive impairment, such as dementia, Viki’s book provides great information about making decisions to ensure your caree’s safety. If you worry that your caree has a cognitive impairment which affects their ability to make good decisions, then schedule an appointment for your caree to have a complete medical evaluation. Again, Viki’s book can offer guidance about making decisions on behalf of your caree in these situations.)
We talked through a few situations: A caree living alone who wants to hire their own help. A caree living alone in a messy home. You may worry about your caree in these situations. Viki reminded us that we each have right to make decisions about how we live. She suggested we follow the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would want to be done unto.
In other words, offer the help that your caree wants rather than the help you believe your caree needs.
When my father was diagnosed with bladder cancer, I offered the option of a second opinion. He declined. I suggested he switched to a doctor affiliated with one of the city’s large university hospitals. He declined, preferring to keep his doctor and the local community hospital.
I would have made different decisions. But, these weren’t my decisions to make. I felt my role was to provide options so my dad could make the decisions he wanted. I had to let go.
This can be tough, though. What do you think? Have you faced a time when your caree made a choice that you felt was wrong? How did you handle?
