Several months ago, I was looked at a very tall To Do list that had to be completed within a very short time period. I was going over my list with a few colleagues, who I had asked to help me make sure I had a plan in place to complete what needed to be done. And, for me, my To Do list needed to be completed.
After walking through my list and my goals, my well-meaning colleagues said: When are you taking care of yourself? You must take care of yourself.
Which led to this thought of mine: Oh, for heaven’s sake! Getting through this To Do, in the amount of time I have, is how I take care care of myself!
It was an incredibly frustrating moment. A moment when I thought: Your suggestion only serves to increase my increasing frustration!
In a caregiving situation, your family and friends may see you on a bad day or in a bad way or in a bad mood. And, then, during your vulnerable time, they’ll share a suggestion, offer advice, state a solution. Which, of course, sends your bad to much worse worst.
So, today, in Tell Us, I wonder: What advice do you hear that you causes you to think: “You’re kidding, right? Because that’s just stupid.”
I look forward to reading your comments.
hhhmmm, how bout, “You really need to get out of that house!” yeah…ok, so who will come and sit with mom so I can do that, oh yes and I like don’t have an extra car right now to go someplace…and if I could get out, where do I go and what do I do, since I hate going anywhere by myself… Yeah that is one of “those” questions I think!
“You need to get your family to help out.” That’s the one that makes me see red, scream and throw things! Literally.
yup, that would be a good one too!
“you really need to get someone to help you” and “you need to get out more” AND “your mom needs to be placed”…..argh!!! So tired of all the supposedly well-meaning “friends”.
About two weeks ago I was pouring out my heart to a close relative my frustration and heartache with one of my husband’s symptoms, namely extreme fatigue some days so that he wants to sleep away the day. (This symptom is part of my husband’s disease.)
Instead of listening with compassion to my heart this individual asked me, “Did you ever think of asking the dr. about that?”
I find it is often better to say nothing to friends and relatives, but only to other caregivers, who “get it”