When We Age, Do We Evolve from Doing to Just Being?

The New York Times New Old Blog featured an interview yesterday with Lars Tornstam, a Swedish sociologist. Dr. Tornstam provides a glimpse into life at eighty, reports Paula Span: An increased need for solitude, and for the company of only a few intimates, is one of the traits Dr. Tornstam attributes to this continuing maturation. So that elderly mother isn’t deteriorating, necessarily — she’s...

Caregiving

I had a good day today. This morning I met with my Stephen Minister. I have met with her three times already. It already is proving to be a blessing having her in my life. It feels more like a deep friendship. It also looks like we will be able to continue with the Medicare paid therapy for Wayne. For awhile it looked like today might be the last day, but now it looks like we will be able to continue. We do...

Dream

We dream at night. Why can’t we also dream during the day? Why can’t we dream of the life we want? Why bother, you may say, my dreams will never come true. They can’t come true during caregiving. Maybe. And, maybe not. Dream: You stand your ground with grace and self-respect with those who would like to undercut your efforts; You see and embrace the moments of joy present each day for you; You...

A Caregiver’s Eyes

It seems as though with computers and with this age of technology, things are so fast paced, that communicating face to face is becoming less common; e-mailing  and text messaging are slowly taking the place of phone calls as well. Last week, as I was doing errands, I noticed that it was not often that my eyes met with someone else’s.  We are all in such a rush at times.  So I began thinking about...

Is Sunday Early A.M. A Safe Time For You, Too?

Hi, Everybody.  I wanna share with everybody my condolences, too, over one of our family here’s loss of a parent that I see posted.  I have so much respect and sympathy for our caregivers who have made it to that point — nobody wants to be there, and it’s about incrementally increasing caring that does not result in the loved one becoming better off, younger, or healthier.  But more...

Grandmother of the Bride

Today was a wonderful day of caregiving for my Mom. We got up early, I got her in the shower and set her hair. We chose her best dress, put on some makeup and got ready to go to her granddaughter’s wedding. Mom said that she didn’t really feel “up to it”, but I encouraged her that it would be okay. She was nervous about being seated in the front row because she “didn’t want...

Journey Ending

My Caregiving Friends, I’ve been putting off writing/posting this entry because it is a difficult message. The majority of my caregiving journey ended after a rapid and unexpected decline in my mother’s health over the last month. Her decline ended with her death on the morning of Monday, August 16th, and we laid her to rest on Saturday, August 21st. As I had promised, I was holding her hand when she...

Poker Face

I don’t know how to play poker, but I am familiar with having a poker face. And according to Steve, I’m a lot worse at having one than I thought. We had a discussion this morning and his perception is that I express my shock about things both orally and facially. He claims when I am shocked I stand there with my mouth open, and that I am shocked too often, about too many things. I did let him know that I...

Holding Happiness

It’s Saturday! And, it’s the last Saturday in August. So, how will you make today special with a special moment of happiness? Please share in our comments section, below. And, you can listen to Table Talk, which aired this morning, via the player at the bottom of the post. Today, I answered three questions for you: If my caree isn’t happy, have I failed? Do I fit? And, how much do I...

Caregiver Cottages: Bringing Your Loved Ones Home

When Barack Obama’s mother-in-law moved into the White House last year, it brought much-needed attention to America’s multi-generational families. According to the Pew Research Center, in 2008 there were an estimated 49 million Americans, or 16% of the population, living in households with three or more generations, up 33% since 1980. This jump is attributed to a number of factors including the economic...

On What Will I Concentrate?

This has been quite a day. First of all my husband, Wayne, slept until 11:00. Then we had a difficult transfer from his bed to his chair first thing this morning. A friend of our neighbor was sitting outside visiting with them, and I had to solicit his help to get Wayne into his chair. Wayne had not fallen all the way, but had half slipped. So I could not get him up and into the chair. Around noon I canceled...

August 27

It’s been a week since mum got her tooth pulled. It all went very well as mum woke up calm on that day and we were able to take her to the dentist with no problem. At the dentist, she sat in the chair and opened her mouth, also with no problem. I took the letter the geriatrician had written to explain why mum had to have her tooth extracted and not root canaled etc. It’s because mum can’t sit in...

Ask the Nurse

Yesterday, on Your Caregiving Journey, Nancy Hanley of My Health Care Manager, took your questions. (You can listen to our show via the player below). The questions she answered included: 1. I’ve been through so many home health aides! I need to find good help for my mom so I can go to work. I’ve had lazy aides, incompetent aides and aides with an attitude. Is it possible to find good help? 2. I want to...

My Last Thursday Night of Tucking Mom in to Bed at Home?

Hi caregiving friends, I’ve mentioned that Mom is handling her upcoming move on Sept. 1st to an adult family home better than I am, in some ways. Today was a busy day. We went and painted her new room in the colors that she chose. She and our daytime caregiver drove separately, and left before we were done painting. When I got home, Mom was shaking and looking very stressed. It all hit her tonight. I spoiled...

What Are Your Questions for an Alzheimer’s Researcher?

If you could ask an Alzheimer’s researcher anything, what would you ask? Well, now you get the chance! We’ve been offered the opportunity to send seven questions to an Alzheimer’s researcher, who will then send back his answers for us to share on Caregiving.com. The researcher is Dr. Michael Rafii, MD, PhD, co-director of the Memory Disorders Clinic at UCSD Perlman Ambulatory Care Center in La...

The Chemistry of Happiness

This morning, on Your Caregiving Journey, Elizabeth Lombardo, author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness” joined us to answer the question: How much of our happiness can we control? (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post.) Elizabeth shared research which shows that we about 40% of our happiness is within our control. Our genetics and our circumstances affect...

How Will You Embrace Your Limits?

Yesterday, during our free webinar, Lasting Caregiving: Embrace Your Limits, we changed how we look at limits. Limits don’t take away. They make the way. (Did you miss yesterday’s webinar? No worries; you can view and listen to the recording here.) So, if you attended yesterday’s webinar, I would love to know: What’s different for you today? How will you apply what we discussed in your day...

The C in an A-B Pattern

Abrah, our oldest daughter, is 14 and has a real passion for helping animals.   Since we have moved to PA, she has rescued (several were suppose to be “foster”) six kittens.  They all are grown now and live with us (:  Three with many special needs. Our veterinarian here has taken quite an interest in Abrah’s passion.  Last year she said she wished Abrah was 14 so she could utilize her at...

What Will Today Bring?

What will today bring? It is my birthday today. Yesterday I received an early birthday card from one of my sisters. Yesterday I also received a beautiful card and a bouquet of flowers from my new female friend (my Stephen minister). I also had a great talk with her. I have met with her twice now, and I really like her very much. I also have already received a handful of birthday greetings on Facebook and...

Tell Us: Does Crying Help You Survive Caregiving?

NPR featured a segment yesterday morning called “Teary-Eyed Evolution: Crying Serves a Purpose” Reporter Allison Aubrey writes: Maybe good criers were survivors. “Crying seems to elicit compassion and guilt,” (says Jesse Bering, who directs the Institute of Cognition and Culture at Belfast University), “and that itself may be an evolved mechanism to save relationships in...

Music

Music seems quite miraculous. Often, our memories can be tied to a song. We hear a certain song and we’re transformed to another decade, a different life, a younger self. When we hear a snappy tune, we tap our feet, sway our head, snap our fingers. And, singing a favorite song feels like the best kind of scream. We also can make music without having to carry a tune. The right relationship, in which we just...

Just Me…..

The memorial card I made on Printmaster, the smaller photo card was done through Kodak and inserted in the large card.  I also made photo booklets from hotprints.  If you go on my facebook page, the book is on there and you can look through it.  Only closer family and friends receive the photo books, most receive the memorial card and photo card.  Just thought you all would like to see the memorial...