My Caregiving Friends,
I’ve been putting off writing/posting this entry because it is a difficult message. The majority of my caregiving journey ended after a rapid and unexpected decline in my mother’s health over the last month. Her decline ended with her death on the morning of Monday, August 16th, and we laid her to rest on Saturday, August 21st. As I had promised, I was holding her hand when she transitioned to God – she seemed to suffer so, but I hope her spirit was already gone and her body just had to catch up. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to witness – and I was expecting it to be the beautiful experience it was with my grandfather.
I admitted my mother to hospice care on 7/8, after being told that she was being removed the transplant list after 7 years – too frail to survive the surgery. At that time we were expecting her to be around from one to two years – but she was with us only one month and 8 days. My dad has been on hospice for over 15 months so we were really expecting, and emotionally prepared for, him to go first – but that is not the case.
So I still have caregiving responsibilities, but care for my dad will be light-duty caregiving because he is in a nursing home and on hospice there. He did fall and break his hip (well the femur where it meets the hip) and we had it fixed to prevent pain.
I am still in a state of disbelief and I have never been so sad in my life. I know my mother was very ill and this was the only way she could be healed; she is finally free of pain and illness. I cared for her the best I knew how, gave her joy and laughter, helped rekindle a relationship with God, and helped eased her loneliness. I was good at taking care of her. I have those memories and the knowledge that I helped her all the way up until she went to God. I loved her with everything that I am. She loved me like nobody else can but a mother – unconditionally, irrationally.
Take care,
Derek
Derek,
I am so sorry that you have lost your mother. I know that it is such a difficult thing to deal with the loss of a parent, even when you know that it is really what is best for them. No matter our age, we are still children when it comes to our parents. The caregiving journey is hard and the end is harder. Being there for her during all the years and being there with her to the end is the most precious gift you could give her. And I believe that love does not end and she will watch over you now.
Blessings
Hi Derek–I am so sorry! I can only imagine how much you miss your mom. Although it wasn’t enough time, you made the most of every minute you had. And, you are a wonderful son who gave her amazing care.
She left with your love. And, she leaves hers with you here, today, now.
Keep us posted.
Derek, I am so sorry about the loss of your Mom. I loss my Dad in 1990, and I still miss him sometimes. We are never ready to let go of those we love. May you find peace in knowing your Mom is in a better place free from the pain and sadness of this world. My prayer for you is that you will find divine comfort and peace in the days ahead.
Thanks Sharon. Knowing that she is now in Glory is about the only thing that gets me through this every day. How can I be selfish when I know she so much better off there, than here?
Thanks for you thoughts & prayers.
-Derek
I’m so sorry Derek, my mom passed on the morning of August 16th as well.
Donna – what are the odds? My mom passed at 735am CT after a long night struggling to go (actually probably struggling to stay would be more accurate). It was hard to watch, but I know now what they meant when they said “you will know when it is time and you will accept it”.
Blessings to you. May God bestow His strength upon you in the coming days as you reclaim your life and restore order there.
-Derek
Mom passed about 9:15 a.m., yes, I knew it was time, and I held her hand and encouraged her as she finally took he last breath. Knowing she is with the Lord and my dad after 40 years, is comforting and helps me to heal and as you said, reclaim my life. Blessings and Gods strength and comfort to you as well Derek.
Derek, I am so sorry to read about the loss of your beloved mother. You have been a wonderful son, caring for her as you did. You gave her a wonderful gift. You will always have her love and the memories with you. From experience, I can say that one day the pain will pass.
Thank you for your comments. I can rest easy knowing that I gave mom everything I had and she was comfortable and secure.
Blessings to you,
-Derek
Derek,
Your mother (as is your dad) was so blessed to have you. I am so sorry, as I know you miss her so much. You are right though, she is no longer suffering.
Derek,
Your words, “I loved her with everything that I am. She loved me like nobody else can but a mother – unconditionally, irrationally” are absolutely beautiful. As a mother of three sons, they are words that I will remember. I agree with Bette that they are so blessed to have you for a son. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know when my daddy passed almost 25 years ago, well-meaning people told me that I should be happy and not cry. My response was that I wasn’t crying for him, but for myself because I missed him. You can know that release is best for the one you loved, but it doesn’t take away the pain of missing them. Allow yourself to grieve, even while you are remembering that your mom is not suffering and that she is at peace and happy.