If a family loses focus, is it possible to regain that focus?
Recently, it has been apparent to me that my family is losing focus of what is important. Sometimes the tendency is to stay away from something that makes us feel uncomfortable, even at the expense of others.
My mother has definitely been facing new challenges over the past 6 months. Familiarity is her new best friend, but in trying to keep things “active” here, I thought it was just the opposite…trying more to entertain with new. Several of my family members are very uncomfortable with the new challenges that my mother faces. The tendency is to pull back, make only occasional phone calls, and even those calls are shortened.
Our family dynamics have definitely changed over the past several years. It’s ironic that we wish for strength from our family during hard times, but it is family that can make us feel like we are shrinking.
If I limit my support group, it may actually provide a stronger foundation…
While we were in RI over vacation, I had the opportunity to meet with one of my mother’s doctors. She enlightened me about my mother’s dementia(s) and spoke of me needing to change my outlook. To find the positive in what my mother is doing–even if it might not be the way it is suppose to be done or was done before.
The tendency (in my family) is to think that if something requires research and learning and maybe a change in thinking, that it is not to be pursued. Being brought up with this kind of thinking, I can understand the distance, but it makes me very sad.
I want to resolve differences and all work together for the needs in our family right now–my mother, but that would be in a perfect situation.
Caregivers need strength and confidence. I have learned that these two qualities are invaluable to moving forward and getting out of bed each day!
I wish that all could be in focus again. Maybe it’s different for each family. Maybe a surprise is around the corner! (:
I find that my husband’s family are not as present as they should be in his life also. I wonder why that is? I get more help from our fellow church members than his own family.
And when I was caring for my Dad, friends, and people who had never even met my Dad offered to help more than my two brothers did. One brother lives out of state and was at least supportive, sending me gift cards so I could take a break, but I couldn’t even get a response from the other brother.
Hi everyone….Its been a busy week and I finally had a second to pop in and try to catch up…
Oh Bette…that losing focus …. we all have been there and done that my friend…myself included…
I, just like you, am it!!…and sometimes that is scarey and yes I will admit makes me cry from time to time.
I then pick myself up, brush myself off, and start all over again.
Family is not going to get it…..it is very easy to avoid change…change is hard….familiar is much more fun to many….
So for me, I embrace myself with people that do get it…all of you….
Im learning we are meant to live in frienship not alone even when we feel we are alone…
we are meant to be a part of others lives and help and learn from one another…
and for me I try to wipe my tears and figure out a way to fix…
today while mom loves familiar it took me days to convince her we are going on the access a ride and visiting a new senior center….I am joining her and the seniors for a pork chop dinner and bingo…do i want to be there …. well maybe…it doesnt sound all that bad…but mainly it is to get mom used to something new….I am helping a 91 year old get through a growing pain….but Im hoping after a few visits with me she will make new friends…..
you sometimes have to just refocus….this is going to get harder..I can sit and fume over this and stop living my life or i can wipe my tears and say we have to try this….we have to see if we can fix it…if this doesnt work…i look for something else…but its worth the shot….its worth the chance…
dont look for your family….look at all of us……you will get that focus back….I know you will….it takes a little thinking, investigating, searching…but eventually we find it…we have to….we have lives to live as well:)
Hi Bette! It’s hard when you need family members to focus and pitch in–and they just can’t. It’s almost like they wear the wrong prescription glasses–probably so they have a reason to stay in the dark. I think it’s important that you continue to focus on what you need and focus on those in your life (like us) who love to support and comfort you.
I hope you felt like you got some R&R while on your vacation. Will you tell us more about your trip when you can?