This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Anna Stookey joined us for a discussion on detaching. We asked: In a caregiving situation, can you practice detachment? (You can listen to our listen via the player at the bottom of the post.)
Anna defined detachment as it relates to meditation: Detachment, she explained, is the ability to consciously let go. It’s different than “checking out,” in which you may shut yourself off to the emotions you feel in a certain situation or in a particular relationship. When we detach, we become an observer, a third-party who can understand the feelings of both individuals, who can feel compassion for ourselves and others (such as your caree), and who can process a situation without reacting just from emotion.
To help you reach this place of observation, Anna emailed this exercise after the show:
1) What am I feeling right now?
2) What is the other person feeling right now?
3) How are we both right in our own ways?
4) How are we both doing the best that we can given what we know and believe?
During our discussion, Anna reminded us that this can be difficult to do, especially during the times in caregiving when you really are focusing on just surviving. You always are doing your best, she said. Always.
How does this technique help you? When would it be most helpful? Please share your thoughts in our comments section.
Program Note: Our next show, The Stuff of Battles, airs tomorrow at 2 p.m. CT (3 p.m. ET, Noon PT). The cleaning out a caree’s house can uncover battles of epic proportions over who gets what. Julie Hall, author of “The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff,” will tell us how to clear out a house without a family war. You can listen here.
Related Articles
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- Five Traits of Well-Being (caregiving.com)
You are a disruptor. The delivery of health care starts with you, continues because of you, and ends with you. Let's disrupt together to make the world better for family caregivers. 
Bette
I enjoyed this show very much. Hearing the word “detachment” on the site, has made me think more about how it applies in our situation. My mother’s needs are growing, as are her sad times. Detach can be a very positive word—almost like we have the control. I am learning I have to be a bit detached, in order to look forward to something, or even to have dreams.
Sharon
After listening to the show I think I would think of detachment a little differently. The way I see it both my husband and I have needs and feelings. It is good to recognize both my husband’s and my feelings for what they are. Even when there are negative feelings I need to not deny that they exist.
I need to also not rely on those feelings as being absolute reality and the measure of all things, however. I need to look for a bigger perspective and purpose outside of myself.
To me that has to come from my God. He is compassionately concerned about my struggles. He also, however, is seeing and has planned the bigger picture. Even when I don’t He sees the value of every act of caregiving I perform. He sees the purpose and good things which have come and will come from this time in my life. If I at least attempt to see things from this bigger perspective or a least trust that I will see it someday, I will not get as overwhelmed by the negative emotions but will see them for what they are namely just feelings with no power of their own.
Unit Known as Shandi
Thanks, Sharon…
I needed those words of wisdom this morning!