Today was a particularly challenging one. There seems to have been a run on these lately.
My mother has been having an extreme amount of pain in her legs. I am thinking it is because she does not want to get up and walk around during the day. She had an appointment to have her hair done this morning and we were able to have our favorite aide (: . Pat took care of her mother years ago and is extremely thoughtful and kind to us. We talked a bit about maybe starting physical therapy again (still not sure what to do) and off they went to the appointment.
Meanwhile, we were able to get a couple of hours of schoolwork done while they were gone. They came back just as Marah and I were doing a science experiment. Marah was suited up in her apron, goggles and gloves, for her egg and vinegar experiment.
After Pat left, I went in to check on my mother. Apparently, she had an accident at the hairdressers’. I began helping her clean up, and outside the door Marah and Rees both had questions…
I began to think… how can I keep doing this?? There is so much to balance at times and it can be tiring. So much sadness with my mother and so much happiness with the kids.
It’s interesting that we are all accustomed to “happiness” as we are growing up, and (fortunately) not so many accustomed to “sadness” or harder times. I know I wasn’t. Things were pretty simple growing up. I honestly sometimes feel like in caregiving, I am in a type of boot camp, but what am I training for…
About 30 minutes after all had calmed down, I received a call from a neighbor. We are fairly new to the neighborhood so the call was very nice and very unexpected. Sarah asked if I would like to go to ‘Zumba’ with her tonight. My first inclination was to say no, but I thought of each of you and the site.
I worked with a teacher years ago, who would always tell the kids that they did not want to have her see her eyebrows. I thought my friends on caregiving might see their eyebrows–so I should go. (:
What a fun time we had. Lots of “waving” and “screaming”, both as we know can be good for a caregiver. There is life in the evenings outside of this house!
I was able to share with Greg that the day had been a bit hectic (reminding him, I did not want him to try to fix it, just to listen). I had dinner ready, he fed everyone for me, cleaned up, and I was able to go!
It’s interesting that as my mother declines, I need more time away, but because of her decline it seems harder to have the energy, and arrange for those times.
Hi Bette–Oh, gosh, I’m sorry the day was tough! Your mom’s normal declines are inclines, which can seem unclimbable, for you. It sounds like you handled it all, including acknowledging how hard it feels. And, then you went out! That’s so awesome! I’m so glad you went.
I hope it helped to tell us about your day. And, I’m so glad you know that we always are with you, every day.
Bette, Oh, boy, do I understand! I loved how you described caregiving as a type of boot camp! I totally understand how it is juggling a parent, children (and I only have one) and a spouse. It was a challenge even when my Dad didn’t live with us because I still managed everything. However, during the four months he did live with us, although no one else in the family was bothered, I felt like a failure because I knew I hadn’t done enough for someone in my own mind.
Good for you for saying, “Yes” and going out to Zumba! I’m proud of you!!
I am so glad you took an evening away for fun! You need that. The constant changes and unpredictablity of caregiving can really wear on a person. You also are a busy mom of your wonderful children. You need to take breaks.
GOOD FOR YOU.