Emotional Roller Coaster

There has been a whirlwind of emotions swirling around in my heart especially since my mother-in-law’s death in early September. I have said this before, but her decline and death and its accompanying grief tends to blend with my grief about my husband’s illness and decline. There have been good and precious moments with family in between, but the constant ups and downs of my husband’s disease really can...

How… Do You Manage Repetitive Questions?

One of our visitors has a problem and would love your ideas and suggestions. Here’s her situation: She cares for her husband who has Alzheimer’s. She’s been caring for him for six years. Recently, he’s been asking repetitive questions. “He usually asks these questions when we are eating and sitting together,” she writes. “Maybe this is the only way he knows how to...

Your Exit Strategy: Live Without Fear

This afternoon on Your Caregiving Journey, Kelsey Collins, author of “Exit Strategy, Leaving this Life with Grace and Gratitude” joined us for a terrific discussion on exit strategies. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post. Kelsey shared terrific stories and insights, including what we want at the end of our life: Control; Sense of humor; Family and loved...

In Caregiving, Finding Happiness in the Details

This morning, Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, our happiness expert, joined us to help us understand how we manage our moments of happiness when we may live with (or close to) unhappiness. In other words, how do you manage your caree’s unhappiness? Or, another family caregiver’s unhappiness? (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post). Elizabeth shared great reminders with us: 1. Keep...

A Report on the Panel Discussion

Friday was the Big Day. We participated in the panel discussion at the 2010 Regional Alzheimer’s Disease Research Conference in Irvine, CA. It was an interesting and worthwhile experience from start to finish. We were first interviewed in July to see if we would be a good fit for the panel. In August, while in NY, we were told we were selected. From that time until last week, Steve and I met with the three...

Francine’s Cookies

Yesterday, Francine shared her plans for her Saturday with us: Today is my grandson’s birthday party. He’s turning three, and having a dinosuar themed party. I made dinosaur cut out sugar cookies for his party then frosted and decorated them – they turned out so cute! I asked Francine to send a photo of the cookies; here they are: Thanks, Francine–they look better than...

The Butterfly Bush

When my mother first came to live with us, much of her decision had to do with her struggle with mobility – unable to drive and to organize doctors’ visits and medications. Now, her needs have intensified greatly.  Her mobility has worsened, her memory is failing, she cannot help with tasks like bed making, folding laundry, or showers.  Last night she had trouble getting ready for bed.  She has...

Update from the Lanfords

Chad has had a relatively good week. Then, things changed. He’s sleeping almost all the time, refusing food, and isn’t interested in conversation or visitors. Here is my latest blog update. Since I posted this, Chad has been sleeping. He will open his eyes & look around, but there is minimal (if any) verbal response from him. While getting a sponge bath this morning (Sunday), he kept staring at the...

How Do You Endure?

Earlier this week, Bette asked this question: I read a story this morning about a man who can swim 70 laps in 1 hour. His training was strictly swimming. In caregiving our training must have to include a variety of activities to achieve endurance–my guess…? I thought about endurance this week. What constitutes endurance? I came up with an acronym which I discuss today on Your Caregiving Journey: CLER. (You can...

How… Will You Have a Happy Moment Today?

On Saturdays, we commit to taking a moment (or more) for happiness. I think it’s been a tough time this week all the way around. And, when it’s tough, it can be hard to think happiness is achievable, much less appropriate. Today, it is. Look around. What do you have in the house that releases you from the tough? Is it your untouched piano which you used to love to play? A long overdue phone call to a...

Adult Orphans

I  posted this on a forum I found the other morning, it was in response to the topic of  caregivers, who have lost both their parents, and now feel like adult orphans. My father passed away in 1969, I was 17. For the past 4 1/2 years, I was my mom’s full-time caregiver as she advanced through the stages of dementia. She passed away the 16th of last month. It is a peculiar feeling to no longer have at...

This Week’s Poll: How Do You Cope with Stress?

Vote in this week’s poll, sponsored by us and eCareDiary.com: How do you cope with the stress of being a family caregiver? How Do You Cope With the Stress of Being A Caregivercustomer...

A Business Life After a Caregiving Life

This afternoon, Cindy Laverty, a former family caregiver for her former father-in-law, joined us to talk about life after caregiving. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post. Cindy’s caregiving journey lasted 5 1/2 years and began at her former father-in-law’s request. Will you help manage my affairs, he asked her, after I have open heart surgery? She did. And, what was just...

Tells Us: What’s Your Biggest Complaint?

To help you focus your last thoughts of the day on good, let’s take time during the day to vent about the bad. Let it out now so you don’t take the day’s frustrations to bed with you. (See my post, below, about using your last few moments of the day as a way to make a better tomorrow.) So, tell us: What’s your biggest complaint? Complain away in our comments section, below. Program Note: We...

Use Your Day’s Last Five Minutes to Jumpstart Tomorrow

I flipped channels last night until I flipped to Wayne Dyer on PBS. You probably see Dr. Dyer on your local PBS station during a pledge drive. He tapes a lecture that PBS broadcasts then sells his tapes and books at break as a way to make money for your local PBS station. Dr. Dyer is a self-help guru who focuses on the power of your thought. I like to watch him because he’s very calm. And, he seems to know...

Where Matters, Too, When We Die

I think we all hope that we die when we’ve completed our Bucket List, so to speak. That we end just as our work here ends. An article in USA Today yesterday also says that it matters where we die. According to the article, “cancer patients who died in a hospital or intensive care unit suffered more physical and emotional distress than those who died at home with hospice services, according to study of...

Coping When You Have a Job (Like Caregiving) That Causes You to Feel Less Than You

At some point in our lives, we’ll have jobs that we take that are less than what we can do. We take them out of economic need or because of convenience or simply because it’s what we can find. We complete menial tasks or report to insensitive and overbearing managers or sit near uncooperative co-workers. Sounds kinda like caregiving, doesn’t it? So, when caregiving feels like it’s less than...

Tuesday Prayer

Lord, help me today to count my blessings and not dwell on the difficult moments. Help me not give into fear about the future, but rather trust that You will guide step by step. I don’t know for certain the turns that this caregiving road will take in the future, but You do, Lord. Grant me the ability to rest in You in peace, and at the same time grant me the ability to make wise decisions. Grant me strength...

Language

When you find yourself in caregiving, you may feel like you’ve moved to another country. You just don’t speak or understand this language. And, then caregiving ends. Overnight, you wake up in yet another country. It all looks different. It all sounds different. It’s another new language. It’s just awful. When you wake up in a new country, how do you manage? Manage by keeping the...

Four Days in September

This is a strange period of time for me. One of my best friends and her husband have birthdays that now bookend two memorable dates. Mary Kay and my Mom shared a September 10th birthday. My Dad passed away a year ago today on Mary Kay’s husband’s birthday. The weekend has been good, with more ups than downs, and just a few bumpy patches. It’s like any time you try not to think about something, you can’t...

Move to Adult Family Home- The First 10 Days

Denise asked me to share how the first week and a half has gone at the adult family home that we just moved my mom into on Sept. 1st. I really don’t know where to start. I guess with the positives… There are lots of positives. There is a registered nutritionist on staff and the food has been amazing, and easy for Mom to eat. There is 24 hr awake staff. The night person bakes and cleans, something...

Sunday at Home…..9-12-10

Isolation and loneliness just don’t seem to get eradicated; they even intensify in some instances, once your caree is gone. There is even a greater sense of being abandoned. I talked about on my radio show how I didn’t belong anywhere as a caregiver before I got involved with caregiving.com. Now that I am no longer a caregiver that sense of not belonging is again plaguing me. If I am not able to leave the house...