In a caregiving role, you make decisions daily. Some decisions seem rather simple (toast with cereal?) and others fall in the category of very series (Do I call the doctor?).
Even worse, you may feel that these decisions—from the simple to the series—are made in solitude. It’s you. It all rests on you.
So, today, we’ll talk together about caregiving decisions. And, today, I’d love to know: What’s the best caregiving decision you’ve made to date? How did you reach your decision? And, what’s been better because of the decision?
Resources
My best decision came several months after my husband had his stroke. I decided to take a year off of work. It was a gamble because I didn’t really know where we were going to end up financially!! But for one thing they said that first year is the most important for getting therapy, so I was free to take him everywhere and anywhere I could find. I feel I owed him that! #2 We were still covered by his insurance, which stopped after that first year, so I was able to take off and have my insurance dropped while I was on leave. #3 His stroke was a life changing event for us, so I was able to learn to function in this new role and get used to our new life, as well as give him time to get used to his new life. #4 When I saw that therapy wasn’t helping much, and that he wasn’t going to get as well as I hoped for, I sold our two story house, packed us up and bought a ranch type house. After so many people told me “DON’T DO IT” – I feel it was one of the best decisions I could have made!
It’s interesting that you would write this Francine. My best caregiving decision was a “Don’t Do It” by others also. (: My mother was in an Assisted Living facility having panic attacks associated with a medication change. I was the main contact. The facility began telling me (after 2 weeks) that my mother had the beginning of Alzheimers. I found a psychiatrist in Rhode Island that was very familiar with the meds that my mother was on (her stoke affected the area of her brain that is associated with depression). I took my mother out of the facility and brought her to RI from Maine. This was the best decision I have made in caregiving. Literally, as we were driving away, my mother’s sister was saying, “you shouldn’t do this”.
The Caring Circle
We’ve been setting up Caregiving support groups for 4 years – this one is way different. I don’t know why, and I’d welcome comment.
The Caring Circle, at St. Bede’s Episcopal Church in Syosset, LI, NY, was an offshoot of the Caregivers Fair we ran last April. To our surprise, 82 people showed up for the Fair, and 4-6 for the bi-monthly support group scheduled thereafter.
The caregivers who showed up were all in trouble – each was ministering to a very dependent person, each was in difficulty herself. Some presented as victims, all presented in complaint, frustration, dismay, despair.
I’ve facilitated before, but here I had three facilitators-in-training – as they got comfortable, we took turns.
About the 6th week, I was watching rather than facilitating, and I noticed something different. My clients had changed. They weren’t victims any more. Some were still a bit angry, but more often they were reporting, or smiling, or laughing. In the next few weeks, I noticed comments on insight, a new independence, intention to act, and action. These Caregivers were either healing themselves, or healing one another!
Now we keep score, and we measure their progress. Everybody has changed, taking more responsibility for themselves, solving their own problems as well as those of their care-receivers. Our group is growing larger, we have new players, and we’re keeping score on them too.
I’ve never seen this before. Have you? Feedback please!
Thank you.
Craig Jennings
Caring For The Caregiver