Caregiving.com

Stories, Support, Solutions

October 3

Posted by
|

The weather has been hot and dry. Mum has suffered a lot but the two helpers are really good at getting mum to drink lots of juice and eat regularly. She has her 2 soups a day plus more solid food and this way we have been able to keep her healthy. It’s a constant battle because sometimes she doesn’t want to have the soup or drink the juice and you have to keep on insisting.

Mum is also slowly losing her teeth. Last week, another tooth had to be pulled as it was very loose and was causing her pain. I feel very sad at seeing her gap-toothed. She was always so careful about brushing, flossing and going to the dentist regularly. We brush her teeth and use mouthwash, but she’s just outliving her teeth. All her food has to be soft, but she still likes eating, so I figure we’ll have to use macaroni, spaghetti, not al dente, but softer, and risotos. Things that are tasty, but soft.

As far as the dry weather is concerned, we had three rains this week so I’m hoping the rains have finally come and will settle in on a regular basis. It’s still really hot, but now at least it’s not just 20% humidity.

Mum’s  skin is paper thin and she hurts herself a lot on her shins and elbows. Just by rubbing a foot against the other she can scratch herself. The other day she was in her bath chair and was trying to jump up so the aid grabbed her leg and the skin came off. It’s a piece of skin that is right on top of some veins so it’s not healing very quickly. We put Dersane oil on it and iodine plus I bought more Cubitan supplement which has all the vitamins necessary to help heal bedsores. I figure it’ll help heal other sores too. We also use lotion with ureia which is what the doctor prescribed to keep mum’s skin hydrated.

Mum is also losing her speech more and more. She can barely talk anymore. She makes noises that I think she thinks is speech. Very sad!! She gets frustrated and tries to get up off her chair and can’t and works herself into a real nervous episode in which she groans really loudly and thrashes about. The aid has to hold her hands so she won’t unintentionally hurt herself.

I’m going to have to go to her gerontologist to see if there is any kind of medicine to take to calm her down when she is like this. This happens almost everyday and it’s hard to study when she is like this. You can’t concentrate. I keep expecting the neighbours to call the police thinking we’re mistreating her and she’s groaning/yelling from being badly treated. The doctor asked us if mum was bothering the neighbours. She wasn’t yet, but maybe now she is. Poor, poor mum! She never wanted to cause trouble for anyone!

On a different note, today is election day for state legislature, congress, governors and president. Since all voting here is electronic, no paper ballots involved, we should know the results of the election by 10 p.m. We’ll probably have the country’s first woman president.

I’m thinking I might have to talk to a psychologist just to get things off my chest. At least I’m toying with the idea as I don’t have anyone to talk to about how I FEEL about mum’s situation etc and I’m feeling more and more under the weather. But I’d have to find the right one to talk to, someone who knows about the constant grief that exists when you see someone outlive their personality. As well, I’m getting ornery and tired of cheerful, noble caregivers who are always on top of things. I feel this is very childish of me, but the feeling is there, so it’d be good to get if off my chest, work it out and proceed on the way.

Share on TumblrSave on DeliciousDigg ThisShare via email

Comments

  1. Karen

    October 3, 2010

    Dilys,
    You are dealing with such a difficult situation! Much more so than many of us. My experience is that no one in a caregiving role is noble and cheerful and on top of things all the time. It’s a very, very difficult situation. When you have a demanding job on top of that, it becomes more so. I tend to feel like a person with multiple personalities, because I have to separate my roles.
    Talking to someone, face to face, definitely helps. Finding someone who really understands the caregiving role is difficult. I tried talking to a counselor from work, who listened gave me a couple of good ideas, but really didn’t “get it”. I tried a psychiatrist, who immediately said I should place my mom and brother in a nursing home…basically “put them away” and get on with my life.
    What has really helped me the most is finding people who have gone through or are going through the same type of experience. If you can find a face to face support group or a counselor who has been a caregiver, I think you will find it is a tremendous help. It helps to connect with others with whom you can be honest and who can relate to your experiences. It may not be easy to find a person or a group who is understanding, but it will definitely help if you can find someone who really “gets it”.
    I can understand how frustrating it must be for your Mum to not be able to communicate. If your Mum is thrashing around, it’s a real possibility that she may injure herself. So I would definitely check for something that would help calm her.
    All you can do is the best you can do.

  2. Dilys

    October 3, 2010

    I agree with you, Karen. I want to find someone who understands and doesn’t tell me to put my mum in a home. I want someone who “gets it”, so that’s why I haven’t really talked to anyone yet.

  3. Bette

    October 3, 2010

    Hi Dilys,

    I’m sorry your mother has been going through these struggles lately–for her and for you. We went through something similar last year with my mother’s teeth and now this year, I am assuming that my mother’s skin is thinning as well, because she bruises all over. The doctor said it is aging…

    I also can relate to what you are saying about needing someone to talk to. In November I began to feel very overwhelmed and sad about everything–caregiving and non-caregiving. I wanted so badly to talk to someone who would truly understand and be able to help me sort through all of these feelings because I truly didn’t even know where to start. That is about the time that I found caregiving.com.

    Soon after, I began coaching calls with Denise Brown. I cannot express to you what a difference my coaching calls with Denise have made for me. She has helped me break down all those confusing feelings that I was having, and the best part…she truly understands what a caregiver encounters and feels in a given day. I was amazed when I began reading Denise’s books: Take Comfort and The Caregiving Years—what she had written about, was me! and many many other caregivers.

    I now feel like I can continue this journey. I feel relief and that I am not in this alone. I feel like I can continue on, stronger. Denise has helped me problem solve and organize so I can continue to do what I want, which is to care for my mother.

    Dilys, I understand what you are saying and please know you can feel better. I would recommend for you to talk with Denise. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself. (:

Add a comment

Friend me on FacebookFollow me on TwitterWatch me on YouTubeAdd me to your circlesFollow Me on PinterestRSS Feed

Subscribe

Get our weekly newsletter.

Members

  • Profile picture of Linda
    active 4 minutes ago
  • Profile picture of Denise
    active 40 minutes ago
  • Profile picture of Old Billy
    active 43 minutes ago
  • Profile picture of Aimee
    active 2 hours, 22 minutes ago
  • Profile picture of Susan
    active 2 hours, 48 minutes ago

Buy Your CarePASS

CarePASS is your ticket to feeling better. Through our membership program, you create a care plan just for you and get the support to help you stay with it. Join here.

Listen

Listen to internet radio with Denise Brown on Blog Talk Radio

Buy Our Books and CDs

Take Comfort

In Take Comfort and Take Comfort, Too, Denise takes a word, applies it to your caregiving situation, and then offers a reflection of hope. Buy here.

The CD

Now on CD: Take Comfort, Reflections of Hope for Caregivers. Bring Denise with you in your car, in the waiting room, during your difficult days. Buy here.

The Years

The Caregiving Years, Six Stages to a Meaningful Journey, helps you answer the questions: Why me? Why now? What now? Buy here.

Get Help

Help, A Collection of Stories by Those Who Care, the first in our CareGifters Book Series, is now available! Proceeds of our book sales go toward our CareGifters program. Buy here.