Channeling My Mother

My mother passed away unexpectedly in 2007. She was a wonderful mother and role model. She was always a very strong woman. My mom was a WWII veteran, and loved being in the army in Europe. She married and started having children which ended her military career. My mom was a career woman, starting out as a secretary about the time I started kindergarten, earning her AA degree while a married, working mother of...

A Little Respite

My son and his family, my daughter in-law’s father, Wayne, and I went away for a couple nights this week. We took a couple hours drive to the WI Dells. My son was there to help with my husband’s, Wayne’s, transfers, and so it was good for all of us. When my son initially approached us with the idea of doing this I was not real enthused. I figured we could both do without the expense of this, and I did...

Be a Leader in Your Caregiving Role

Last May, Ellen Rogin, our wealthness expert, shared tips to help us be a leader with our money. I love this idea of taking the lead in aspects of life. Why not look at ways you can be a leader in your caregiving role? Here goes: L: Let go. Let go of what went wrong yesterday. Let go of what you can’t control. Let go of the “shoulds” (what you should do, say; what others should do, say). Hold onto...

And Mom Was Always There

In my crib, alone at night… wind blowing the curtains, the closet door a fright… Thinking I was all alone, calling out in childish terror… And mom was always there. So many days and nights of illness, bedbound in my early years… Always needing special care… And mom was always there. Traveling across the country, paper bags carried with her… For those unpleasant moments of motion sickness… Wish we had...

Tell Us: Do You Call Yourself “Victim”?

On Good Morning America yesterday, Maria Shriver shared the stories of family caregivers of persons with Alzheimer’s. During the segment, Maria said: Family caregivers are victims, too. I worry when we throw out terms like “victims” and apply them to family caregivers. A victim, in my mind, is powerless in a situation or circumstance. Once you give up your power, you’ve given...

I Know It’s the Disease, But…

Tuesdays are a particularly fun night for me because I take Marah to dance, and Greg takes Rees to his drum lesson. Tonight was a little different because Abrah had to work as well. I left first, and gave Greg his “list” for my mother. He needed to fix her a snack and remind her where we were both going and when we would be back. He also needed to write down the time for her that we would be back....

Support Groups

We have started attending a new support group. We have gone to two meetings. It seems to be a better fit for us than the previous group we tried. Everyone in the prior group was very nice, and I really can’t tell you what wasn’t working for us because I do not know. However, I usually felt more stressed after the meeting than before, and I don’t think that’s the way it’s supposed...

Another Emotional Day

Today was a hard day for me, emotionally. It started off well, with a parent-teacher conference at Carys’ school. That went smashingly well – she is doing fabulous! I couldn’t be more proud of her. She does need to work on her handwriting, which I fully expected. She rushes to get to the next thing and doesn’t really care if there are spaces between words or capital/lowercase letters sprinkled in a word. ...

This Morning

This morning I was feeling pretty proud of myself. I got breakfast made for everyone (not too hard: cereal, fruit & pills), cleaned the kitchen counters and microwave, one bathroom sink and changed one bed. After sitting down to eat and getting Mom and Wes started on their day, I was still able to get off to work on time. I was feeling downright smug until I was about halfway to work and realized I had...

Battling Alzheimer’s With Stats and a Personal Story

Well, it seems we’ve called a war on Alzheimer’s. This past month has seem more battle cries to stop the disease than ever before. Consider USAgainstAlzheimer’s and its goal to eradicate Alzheimer’s by 2020. Now, Maria Shriver has issued The Shriver Report: A Woman’s Nation Takes on Alzheimer’s. Her mother, Eunice, cared for Maria’s father until her death last year. (Read...

Pound

In your caregiving role, you pound the pavement looking for help and resources. And, in your role, your heart pounds regularly—with fear, anxiety, worry and guilt. Keep pounding the pavement. Take breaks when you feel the resources and help seem elusive. But, keep going. And, when your heart pounds (and your hands sweat), think about pounding the pavement for comfort. Who can help settle your heart? A...

What To Do With It All?

Writer’s Note: The following isn’t strictly a caregiving post and I know this isn’t a grief site.  However, since a few of my fellow site members have recently experienced lost, others are entering a critical stage, and because as my bio mentions, caregiving, parenting and the gift of grief are inseparately woven together in my journey, I wanted to post a significant milestone that I’ve experienced. I...

Different Glasses

When my mother first came to live with us, the challenges were few.  There were challenges of balancing children (babies) with scheduling appointments and time with health aides, but my mother was still pretty independent.  She was independent cognitively and she was independent physically, able to take care of her basic care needs.  (This is a picture of my mother when she first came to live with us after her...

How Will You Be Happy Today?

It’s Saturday, the day we take to focus on feeling good. So, today, how will you be happy? (I loved reading Jo’s post, below, which made me very happy. Thanks to all who share and contribute to the site through blog posts and comments. I’m so grateful to all of you.)

Thanksgiving?

I now love 24-hour diners. They’re perfect for noodling. That’s what I call it when I turn a topic over and over in my mind like one would do with a bowl of noodles, trying to find a bite-sized portion, trying to find a suitable ending. I’ve been noodling Thanksgiving since early August. This morning my alarm went off at 2 a.m. as normal except today I didn’t want to go work out (I love 24-hour gyms too…...

Shining the Light on Emotional Vampires

This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Anna Stookey joined me to discuss emotional vampires, those individuals in our lives who just seem to drain us. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post. Anna explained that emotional vampires are typically individuals who carry deep wounds. Those wounds cause them to unnaturally attach to us. The fear if they allow space for us in the...

Council of Caregivers Answers the Question: How Do I Train to Endure Caregiving?

Last night, our Council of Caregivers convened to share their thoughts and insights in order to answer the question, How do I train to endure caregiving? Our Council members included: Michael Lindenmeyer, the founder and chairman of the Caregiver Relief Fund. Michael helped his parents care for his grandfather. Michael has a long history of building social ventures. He was an early adopter of the award winning...

How Do You Manage the Money?

This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Ellen Rogin shared ideas on how to act as your caree’s financial planner. She also offered suggestions if you’d like to be the bill-payer and hire a financial planner to manage the investment strategies. (You can listen to our discussion via the player at the bottom of the post.) During our discussion, I asked Ellen about family members contributing their moneys...

Believing You Can Be Happy–Regardless of Circumstances

In Kody Bateman’s book, “Promptings–your Inner Guide to Making a Difference,” he tells us a story about his black lab, Gus, who loves to retrieve balls but doesn’t like to give it up. The only way he can coax Gus to give up his dirty, slobbery ball is to throw several new ones. He said the grimy balls are like our limiting beliefs that we hang on to for years. According to the teachings of...

This Week’s Poll: How Do You Get Your Caregiving Information?

In this week’s poll, sponsored by Caregiving.com and eCareDiary.com, we’d love to know: How do you get your caregiving information? How Do You Get Your Caregiving Information?customer...

Feeling Fear? It’s Natural

I attended a meeting on Monday night about “unfear” led by Karlin Sloan. Karlin, a CEO, author and speaker, spoke about moving from fear as it relates to organizations and leaders. You’re a leader, too, because of your caregiving role. During her presentation, Karlin shared an interesting insight: When we experience change, we automatically experience fear. Have you been wondering why, as your...

Life’s Unexpected Twists and Turns

Life surely has some unplanned twists and turns. I would never have guessed four and one half years ago that I would be a caregiver for my husband with a serious neurological disease. I would not have guessed either that I would go through months of treatment for breast cancer in 2007 and 2008, and through the grace of God make it through that process to the other side. Life has taken some fairly rapidly...