Yesterday I was awestruck by the beautiful sunrise. First, there were the beautiful pinks coming forth all across the sky and then the gradual yellows; as the early morning sun rose into view. Waves of joy and gratitude for God’s faithfulness surfaced in my heart.
Other kinds of waves hit me at times also, however. These are waves of sadness. I really believe my caregiving life has meaning, and I believe there is a purpose and a definite plan for my life through the struggles of caregiving. There are also definite blessings that have come as a direct result of the whole caregiving experience. This does not erase the fact, however, that I am slowly losing the life I once had with my husband. I am slowly losing my best friend. Also there are so many physical challenges and other emotional challenges with the whole caregiving experience.
Hence, I sometimes have these waves of sadness that hit me. Sometimes it is right in the middle of joyful or pleasant moments and experiences. Recently it hit me when I was ready to enter a church service. I think that may be because I miss the fact that we used to be able to attend church together. Today though my son volunteered to give me some time away while he took care of my husband’s needs. I enjoyed that very much, but there was a moment or so even then that I felt this wave of sadness come over me. Sometimes I feel it when I first wake up in the morning.
I am really struggling for acceptance and gratitude. I believe I have grown some in this area. It is a strange thing, however, this coexistence of waves of joy with waves of sadness.
Sharon,
I can really relate to what you are saying. A friend told me one time, “You can’t stop the waves but you can learn to surf.” Guess it applies to both of us.
Sharon, I can understand what you are saying. Sometimes the sadness (or fear) comes during something that might be happy. Waves can definitely be unpredictable, can’t they? I think acceptance and gratitude is something we learn very slowly–and the harder the situation, the more the challenge of each. Sometimes I think I have it down (: but then we hit another decline and I have to learn again. I hope you have a good day today–one that spares you from sadness.
Hi-I think it’s natural that sadness comes during the good times. When you attend church service, you are happy–but then it hits you that someone wonderful is missing (your husband, or your husband as he was). I think the day provides some many reminders of what’s lost that it can be hard to have a truly good moment without at least a hint of sadness. I think you have an amazing ability to see the waves as blessings. I hope today is a good one for you and Wayne.
Surfing over the waves! I love that concept, G-J!. The waves are still there, but one can surf and perhaps soar over them. They don’t have to drown us.
Bette, yes we do have to learn those lessons over and over, don’t we? Sometimes I wish I was a faster learner.
Denise, thanks for reminding me that the waves of sadness are normal and perhaps can be turned into waves of thankfulness and blessings.