Today is a Monday. There’s no denying it. It is almost lunch time. So are today, here’s what I’ve done (i.e. had to do):
1) Paid Mom’s weekend caregiver
2) Showered, dressed, taken supplements and eaten right (I try, but don’t always succeed, to take care of myself)
3) Started laundry and do the morning chores
4) Talked to my husband’s L&I Case Manager for almost an hour
5) Worked for 2 hours on a job application (but…at least there was a decent, local, opening in my field. That’s been rare to find)
Sounds like a fairly productive morning, right? I struggle, though, with all of the things that need to be done that I can’t get to. It often feels like no matter how productive I am, I am just beginning the climb up the mountain. I try to focus on cutting out anything non-essential and not inventing more work/responsibilities for myself—but just the essentials are more than one person can handle. If I’m caring for my mom, I am made aware that I haven’t seen my mother-in-law for two weeks. If I’m working on a job application, I’m thinking about the other paperwork (insurance claim forms, bills, etc) that need to be done. And, every now and then, the thought creeps in, “But what about something fun”?
Sometimes I almost feel guilty sharing these feelings on this site, because so many of you are doing 24 hour care, 7 days a week. I am not. I have help and lots of it. However, my days are full from beginning to end. I strive for some sort of balance. Caring for Mom could very easily become my sole focus in life. Sometimes I think, if only I knew the future.
My mom has been widowed now for over 25 years. She remained independent until five years ago, when she needed 24-hour care. Twelve years ago, she started having more severe orthopedic issues and required eight surgeries in six years. I’m proud to say that she never has spent the night alone in a hospital, or needed to go to a rehab facility during all those surgeries.
My role in helping her has increased each year. I am so glad to have her alive and as happy as she can be, and I try to focus on that. I know that she won’t live forever (although I can’t even face that possibility). I realize that I am in this for the long haul and that I need to pace myself. Caregiving situations are unique. Some people have a short, intense and traumatic caregiving role. Others, like me, are faced with trying to provide the best long-term care situation possible for their caree. Mom is perfectly healthy other than her orthopedic and memory issues. All I can do is do my best and take it one day at a time!
I’ve been enjoying visiting other sites during the Progressive Block Party. I haven’t figured out how to leave a comment on some of them without signing up. Has anyone else had that experience? Are you creating an account with them?
Hi-It’s understandable that you would feel concerned about blogging about your days when it seems other have it harder. I just think it’s hard. When you get to “hard” there’s little difference between hard and harder. I hope you won’t feel guilty; we love to hear your updates.
I’ve been joining the sites to post comments, but it’s strictly your choice.
One day at a time–I never tire of hearing that. Today’s the day we have; it’s ours to make the most of. Wishing you a day that’s easy to make the most of.
Oh my, do I ever understand! Sometimes I break things down into small tasks to feel a little more accomplished. It’s not just a matter of doing laundry, no, it’s:
- Get the dirty laundry in the wash
- Get the wet laundry in the dryer
- Get the laundry out
- Fold the clean laundry
- Put all the folded laundry away
It’s not just a matter of getting to the laundry then (and sometimes not succeeding). One task becomes 5 and I can usually at least conquer more than half of them while still feeling accomplished.
And whether your care giving is for 3 hours a week or 24/7, it takes it’s toll and you deserve a pat on the back. Any time dedicated to caregiving is valuable time – a kind, unselfish “task” on the things to do list! I appreciated this post and relating to it, so thank you for finding the time today.
Your word about struggling to get everything done and the guilt you feel about sharing here… ME TO!!!!
All I can say is please keep coming here and sharing. It’s not only good for you, it helps us as well.
Thank you, all, for the encouragement. I’m sure the struggle to get it all done is the same for all of us. However, Mom has the opposite struggle. She is so limited in what she is able to do, that the hours drag by for her. She wants to be up and doing, which is her nature. So, I need to be thankful that I can be busy and productive…even if I can’t get “on top of things”.
So glad to find this website and read all the comments. I can so relate to the feeling of struggling with the things I can’t get to. And I, too, feel like it doesn’t matter how productive I am, I am beginning the climb up the mountain as well. It can be quite overwhelming and discouraging. Sometimes it encourages me when I make a list of all I have done, then I realize how much I do get done. But most of the time I feel discouraged and like it’s not enough.
I take care of my grandmother. She lives in an assistant living facility not far from my house which is I am grateful for. She is 97 and feels like she has had a good life. She has had a very blessed life. Although she lost the love of her life when she was 53 and my grand daddy was 59. She is tired and often tells me she just wants to die. If she had her way she would lay in bed and sleep her life away until she died. I am trying to find balance in all of this.
Thank you for all your comments as it is so comforting to know there are others who know and understand how I feel!! Thank you, thank you!! I look forward to reading more. God bless you all for your love, faithfulness, courage and perseverance!!
Hi Shandi, I’ve learned that the software for some of the WordPress.com blogs are really picky about how you do messages. You can’t put a lot in the name section, you need to put the http:// BUT don’t put extensions to specific pages.
Some WordPress.com don’t even seem to like the Http part while others don’t want you to end with a smilie face like
or with too many !
This message is a good example. I actually put the whole url in to show you examples and I suspect that is why it didn’t take the first time. Fortunately, I followed my advice following and copied it and pasted it – if this takes, it’s my second try
I’ve learned to copy my comment first, so in case it doesn’t take I don’t lose it – I just paste it back in and make some adjustments and eventually I usually can get it to take mine comment.
Let me know if you have specific questions and I’ll try to help.
Shandi,
Your mom is so fortunate to have you – without you doing what you do, your mom wouldn’t receive all that extra care each year that you spoke of. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your updates and comments.