A day doesn’t go by where I don’t think about and miss my dad. He died in 1990 from pulmonary fibrosis. Today I was particularly melancholy about this because along with my caregiving duties for my mother, I needed to see an Elder Care Attorney to be sure that we had the proper PA forms that we needed. We haven’t been in PA too long and had a few questions.
My dad would have known which questions to pursue and would have been able to give just the right answers. He was a strong problem solver, a great encourager, and my best friend (my hero really).
My mother did not feel well at all today. She had many aches and pains. I’m not always sure why she is in such pain; the doctors are unsure as well. She does have a pain medication we can use though and tonight she did feel a bit better.
I needed to help her with a shower tonight. Along with other declines from the dementia and her stroke, her personal needs are becoming more of my responsibility as well. And, she does not like having showers. (:
I started talking to her about things that she has to look forward to. The Home Health Care Aide is coming tomorrow. Her sister is coming on Monday for a few days–along with a few things happening in between. As I was talking, she said, “I don’t care about anything.” More sadness and negatives, but I chatted anyway.
When her shower was done and she was ready for bed, I told her what a good job she did with her shower and that I knew it wasn’t easy for her. She looked at me, paused, and said, “you do a good job too, I know this isn’t easy for you.” What a lift my day felt at that moment! Not only did I get a glimpse of my mother, but she encouraged me and showed her appreciation.
Just like lights shine on a Christmas tree, encouraging words can help us or our carees to continue shining at our best as well. Even though they don’t come often, I am so thankful for opportunities like this. I’m sure each of you have had similar opportunities. Along with giving encouragement, I hope you are able to receive the encouragement that you need, too, at just the right time.
You are a disruptor. The delivery of health care starts with you, continues because of you, and ends with you. Let's disrupt together to make the world better for family caregivers. 
Sharon
Bette, my Dad died in 1990 also. He was a special man and a kind gentle man. I think we never completely get over missing our loved ones who have gone before us. Your Dad sounds like he was a special man.
I am so glad for the encouraging words you received from your Mom. You ARE doing a good job. I think we all crave affirming words from our carees. It would mean so much more than any affirming word from someone else. Often our carees can’t or don’t say those words because of their illness. I do know the one or two times my husband did say something it meant a lot.
Kaye Swain SandwichINK for grandparents & caregivers
What a blessing those words of encouragement are! And what a sweet blessing you are being to your mother! I loved your analogy to them being like lights on the Christmas tree – especially since my tree is brightly shining at the moment. Perfect timing!
By the way, on the subject of showers, you probably already know all about this, but just in case – we have been blessed with No-Rinse Shampoo and Soap during difficult seasons of life, sometimes alternating with regular showers.
Thanks again for a delightful visit for the Caregiving Holiday Progressive Blog Party. Merry Christmas!
Jo
Bette, you are indeed doing a good job.
G-J
Bette, those glimmers of our loved ones the way they were are indeed a bring spot. Although she may not realize it, what a gift those words are from your Mother!
Merry Christmas to you and your family!
Denise
Hi Bette–First, I love your headline! What a wonderful insight about the top of our trees (I will look at them differently). I’m so glad your mom could verbalize her gratitude–makes you both feel good. Know, whether or not your mom can tell you, that you do a good job.
Kaye Swain SandwichINK for grandparents & caregivers
Hi Bette, Thanks for stopping by SandwichINK. I’m so glad I mentioned the No-Rinse Shampoo and Body Wash since you hadn’t heard of them.
Here is a link to an article I wrote about them a couple of years ago. 
SandwichINK.com/bathing-helps-for-caregivers . Hope it helps y’all.
Meryl
Bette, I am so glad your mom gave you that inspiration which makes a world of difference! one little positive out of the negative helps so much!
I hope you have many more encouraging words and days!
Cathy
Bless your hearts. You are good to your Mother.
Helene J. Powers
Hi Bette,
Your gratitude for receiving encouraging words was very touching. Thanks for sharing that.
I’m paying you a visit through the blog party. Thanks so much for leaving a comment at my blog earlier today.
I’ll check in to the party again tomorrow–am feeling a little under the weather today so will close for now.
Take care,
Helene
Grumpa Joe
Hang in there. Your time with your mom is difficult, but very limited. I have only one piece of advice, having taken care of my father, my wife, and finally her Aunt. Live your life in a way that will not leave you with regrets. Regret becomes a major component of grief and probably the most difficult to deal with.
Our loved ones need too hear ‘I love you’ often, even though we assume it is a known entity. Say it often. You won’t regret it.