My mom is in the hospital with a severe bacterial infection. I took her to ER this morning. They know that it is in urinary tract, and she has pneumonia, but not where else it is or what it is. I’ve been awake the past three nights caring for her, and am exhausted.
My sister, who is always there, came today…and so did both brothers. My brothers are staying with her at the hospital tonight, all day tomorrow, and tomorrow night. They asked me to write down what they needed to know and to trust them, and told me I needed sleep. They are right, but walking away was so hard. I am proud of them, though.
Mom has been unconscious since 10:00 AM, but did open her eyes and give us her beautiful smile late this afternoon. It is bad enough that the doctor asked us to be sure we had our decisions made about life support measures we want to take. I feel so empty.
I am trying not to second-guess myself, but I probably should have taken her in last night about 11:00 PM. She takes sleep medication, and often can’t put a sentence together properly after it kicks in, so I had hoped that she would be better this morning. Because her mental and physical condition can change so much from day to day, it is so hard to tell what is going on.
You are a disruptor. The delivery of health care starts with you, continues because of you, and ends with you. Let's disrupt together to make the world better for family caregivers. 
Karen
We all question our decisions after the fact. Please believe that you made the best decision you could at the time with the knowledge and experience you had. Please take care of yourself as much as you can. I am praying for you and your mom.
G-J
I’m sorry to see that your mom is in the hospital. It’s so nice to see how your sister and brothers have rallied around to help. That is wonderful!
I think that unfortunately it’s almost impossible not to second-guess ourselves. You are doing a wonderful job.
Know that your mom is being monitored and cared for while she is in the hospital. I hope you were able to get some sleep tonight.
The Unit Known as Shandi
My brother just called. Mom is still unresponsive, but resting fairly comfortably and he is with her. He told me that three different nurses have come in and all have said that they are amazed that she is cared for at home, and that her skin looks wonderful. That helps a bit. I let her other caregivers know that, too.
Jo
I just want to echo what Karen, it so easy and natural to second guess your decisions in the midst of crisis. You are blessed with family members who are rallying around not just your mother, but you as well. Rest and be gentle with yourself. Yes I know…easier said than done!
Sharon
It is indeed natural to second guess oneself and think one could have done something better. You did the best you could at the moment. You are a loving and caring caregiver.
Denise
Hi–You make such good decisions that the decision you made about when to bring your mom is a good one, too. Do your best to get some rest; your mom is in good hands. Keep us posted.
Bette
I so agree with what many have said here. We do the best we can with what we know at that time. You did that. I’m sorry that all of this is happening right now. It sounds like your mom is receiving good care where she is, and I’m so glad you are getting such help from your siblings. I hope you were able to get some rest last night. You and your family are in my prayers.