“I’m Hungry.” Declares Hubby

“Still?” I asked “What do you mean still?” Hubby questions “Well, You’ve eaten all night and just finished 2 sausage biscuits.” “I haven’t eaten all night” “Really!? Then who left the empty containers of food on the counter and spilled the cheese all over the floor in front of the refrigerator? Never mind, do you want Malt o meal?” Hubby agrees...

The Shifting Gears of Grief

This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Anna Stookey joined me to talk about grief, during and after caregiving. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post. Anna shared an interesting insight about grief: It’s our shift that happens when we see a change in our world. Think about the moment you heard that your caree had just suffered a stroke. Or, the day you learned of your...

We Break for Winter: How Will You Skate?

Image via Wikipedia When we were kids, my younger sister and I spent just about every day after school during the winter months ice skating. Our town turned a local field in a park into what we consider heaven: A skating rink. Round and round we skated, oblivious to cold and the setting sun. Looking back, I think: Skating is such an awesome skill; it’s like running on a thin blade across a slippery...

Joy is Contagious

A little over a year ago I wrote on my personal blog about an experience I had with Robert that I would like to share here. It reminds me that sometimes we caregivers are not always the ones giving.  Sometimes our careees give us a gift. This is one example of a gift that Robert gave to me. There is a growing body of research showing that emotions are contagious. We probably have all recognized this at one time or...

First Day Home

I wish I could say that it was a huge success. Instead, it was a really tough day. Mom’s weekday caregiver had a health issue with one of her kids, so I didn’t have the backup that I’d hoped for today. In September, when I brought Mom home from the adult family home, she was so thankful to be home that she cheerful and cooperative. I had hoped for more of the same. Instead, I’m having to...

Takes a Seat in the Room…

Stands nervously, smooths pant legs out with hands and wipes off sweat… Hi Thank you Denise for the invite to share. My name is Kathy. I’m a 48 yr old full time wife/caregiver/guardian to my 73 yr old husband of 29 yrs. Hubby was diagnosed in Oct of 2007 with Lewy Body Dementia. A dementia with many of the characteristics of Parkinson and Alzheimer. I appreciate the opportunity to share Hubby’s...

“Why Do I Call Myself CareGiverGuy?”

My first answer is because I was the only male family caregiver at all my support group meetings but now I would respond in a different way. As a young boy, I was fascinated by DC Comic’s Superman. “Faster than a speeding bullet! More powerful than a locomotive! Able to leap tall buildings at a single bound. Yes, it’s Superman, strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers...

How I Hired a Caregiver

My first part-timer caregiver for my mom was a family friend who had experience with senior citizens with dementia. My second part-timer caregiver was recommended by my first caregiver…and she was great. My third part-timer caregiver I found through Craigslist…YES, I found a great caregiver BUT I also found a dozen caregivers that I would not recommend. It also gave me experience on qualifying caregiver...

Movie Monday: Shawshank Redemption

I mentioned to my sister and brother-in-law a few weeks ago that I had never seen “Shawshank Redemption.” I’m sure their mouths are still open. So, this weekend, I watched it. Oh, my. I would highly recommend this movie. I would suggest re-renting if you haven’t watched this movie since the start of your caregiving role. For me, this is a movie about time and that time spent helping others...

We Break for Winter: How Will You Melt?

Where’s there winter, there’s snow. We shovel it, play in it, hope it arrives on December 24. We love it, until we have too much of it. Then, we want it to melt. So, what in your life needs melting? Do you have a cold heart to a family member? Toward yourself about an incident or episode in your past? Do you need to melt so you’ll consider other possibilities because a current option no longer...

Date Night

It becomes more difficult to go out in the evening as Nelson fatigues as the day progresses.  We’ve been going out on Friday nights since 1977 and we’re not about to give up on it ‘at the drop of a hat.’ We went to a new restaurant that I discovered when I was parking for yoga last week.  We love trying new places and it didn’t disappoint. Restaurants are like theatre: the atmosphere and decor of the...

The First Week Taking Care of Mom…

The first week taking care of mom was a roller coaster. Mom could not walk without my assistance and her walker… and for the first time I saw signs of her dementia…signs that I’ve seen before but never connected the dots that it was dementia. I met with several Home Care agency representatives and each one of them provided me with reasons to choose a certified Home Care Agency over an independent...

I Busted Her Out!

Mom is home this evening, snug in her own little bed. The nursing home was very kind to her, and I was very impressed with the level of care. However, they couldn’t adjust to the way Mom’s mobility changes from day to day, and sometimes hour to hour. She was only allowed to walk with a physical therapist or myself. Because she wasn’t walking, she was losing the ability to walk. I brought her home...

Dry by Morning

I’m warning you right now. Read no further if you don’t like discussions of bodily fluids or messy diapers. Hey, sometimes people needing assisted living or extra care (the elderly, the disabled) have bathroom problems and while it may not be glamorous it is a part of their (and us caregivers) existence. If you have a weak stomach, recently ate or just don’t have a desire to read about urine (or worse), then...

The First Day Home…

On the last days of mom’s rehab, a Geriatric Care Manager came by to discuss mom’s home care requirements and provided me with a folder full of brochures and a directory of home care agencies. The feeling I felt when we got home was similar to the anxiety I felt when my wife and I brought our first baby daughter home but this time I was divorced, alone and needed help. You buy a car or a DVD player and you get...

My Life Changed…

(Editor’s Note: Today, we welcome a new blogger, CareGiverGuy, who cares for his mom with dementia.) My life changed when my 83-year old mom broke her hip and spent two weeks in rehab after a total hip replacement. Doctors also conducted a neurological test and he informed me that mom has Binswanger’s disease. My response was “What the hell is Binswanger’s disease?” The doctor said...

A Day of Courage for Our Daughter

I wanted to write this story on the Wall of Courage but since I promised myself that I would write a blog once/month on caregiving.com, I decided to write a post… My story is about the courage that our daughter, Amy, showed yesterday. Some of you may have read in my newsletter or on my website about an ‘Early Birthday Christmas Present’. It was a present from the doctors. Amy has had a heart...

More Tools, Some Heavier Than Others

How does a person detach from something or someone that they are immersed in? I asked myself this question yesterday after an incident with my mother. Her personal needs continue to intensify—I can’t tell you how overwhelmed I feel as they show themselves. Part of the feelings are shock, part sadness for her, a good part is sadness for me, and today frustration, because I feel like I can’t keep...

We Break for Winter: Where Will the Lift Drop You?

Image via Wikipedia It’s January, which means it’s We Break for Winter. During our seasonal breaks, we take time to reflect on what’s going well in your caregiving role and what needs tweaking. We’re also making our celebration a chance for you to win a Super Bowl party gift basket. You don’t have to be a sports fan to enjoy this gift basket; you just have to enjoy a party. During We...

Accessory Collage with Feeling

The Style Crone drew an analogy this morning with an accessory collage and the full range of feelings that occur during any situation in life. This seems to be intensely true during a crisis. Sometimes I would rather protect Nelson than express anything negative such as anger, sadness, or engage in a conflict. But as I think about it, suppressing the so-called negative also inhibits the positive.  An emotional...

AAARRRGH! Doctors!

Took Mom to see the hand surgeon this week. Second appointment with him. Second time he kept us waiting two hours. I was ready to walk out much earlier, but Mom kept saying, “Let’s just wait a few more minutes.” Finally, I had enough and said, “We are going now!” I wheeled her out to the front, stopped at the desk and said we couldn’t wait any longer. The doctor and his surgery scheduler came trotting...

Defining Caregiving

Thank you for the warm welcome to your caregiving community. I appreciate the supportive comments to my post about placing Robert. I started a blog about my caregiving experiences with Robert just over a year ago (www.robertssister.com) and the post about the decision to place Robert was one of my first posts on that site. Robert has lived at the care facility for almost two years and will be moving soon (lots of...