(Editor’s Note: Today we welcome a new blogger, Judith, aka Style Crone. Judith cares for her husband, Nelson, diagnosed with cancer six years ago. Judith spent most of her career as a psychiatric nurse in an emergency setting. As she and Nelson negotiate this difficult journey, Judith finds a powerful form of art and expression in her daily conceptualizing and personal presentation of her own form of body art—her outfits. Her blog posts provides updates about Nelson and photos of her art. Judith also has her own blog: Style Crone.)
Photo by Nelson
Amy Downs black/white hat, yoga pants and tunic, black/white hand painted boots-vintage shop close out, jewelry-estate sales.
Today Nelson had a liver biopsy to determine the cause of his elevated liver enzymes which have prevented him from receiving chemo for about two months. The Style Crone’s outfit is her armor as we leave home with a sense of internal crumbling, like the brick front steps of our home which are deteriorating due to lack of attention.
Over the past six years our priorities have not included home repairs. Even corrective clothing cannot conceal my waning sense of confidence, although if need be I know I have something in me which would surface if my hypervigilance would reveal an issue requiring necessary action in a medical setting. Call it body/mind memory that is always lying in wait. I believe that my feelings of uncertainty are related to the long term sense of helplessness and powerlessness to change the events that unfold before us.
Nelson’s procedure is performed in interventional radiology, and as the physician floats into the waiting area I am aware that she could moonlight as a model, with her long blond hair and blue scoop neck tee accessorized with a turquoise stethoscope.
Her attention to detail is reassuring! If someone is going to stick a needle into the liver of your loved one, let it be someone who is compulsively and meticulously into detail. The entire staff is efficient with a touch of kindness, which is always a welcomed relief and we are grateful.
Kindness and empathy are the bottom line in the health care arena, and we have found that these qualities are not always included in our experience. The results should be revealed within a week and we are very weary.
You are a disruptor. The delivery of health care starts with you, continues because of you, and ends with you. Let's disrupt together to make the world better for family caregivers. 
Denise
Hi Judith! Welcome! I’m so glad you’ve joined us. I look forward to getting to know you better.
I guess sometimes it’s not necessarily the test results we fear but our ability to handle whatever news the results bring. The weariness is so understandable. Please let us know the results; I think a community’s strength can help fight the weariness.
I also love how you express yourself through what you wear. And, I love even more your attention to your look, when it would seem all looks should be at Nelson. I think it’s terrific how you make sure you can still be you, even among the worry and stress. We all deserve to take the time to be who we are—no matter what.
G-J
Welcome, Judith! I hope you’ll find as much support here as I have.
Judith
Denise, That was such an insightful comment. I felt that I was losing myself and I had to focus on what I loved to do the most (building outfits) to survive and then have energy to be here for Nelson, my most loved human ever. And he is involved with that and appreciates what I am doing. It helps him too.
Denise
Hi Judith–I thought it would help him.
When you look like beautiful life, you inspire others to feel that life (and feel proud of it).
Bette
Welcome Judith! I enjoyed visiting your blog, and am sorry for what you and your husband have been enduring.
I have been my mother’s caregiver for about 8 years, she had a stroke and 2 years ago was diagnosed with dementia. She lives with us.
I am just beginning to understand the importance of hanging on to ourselves within caregiving. I only wish I had sorted through this sooner.
I think it’s wonderful that you know and recognize your likes and that they can be such a help to you, and to your husband. I look forward to reading more.
I am sorry you are in the middle of waiting for test results and pray all will be okay. I’m sure chemo being on hold is a big concern as well.
Again, thank you Judith for sharing.
Judith
Thank you Bette. Caring for your mother for 8 years must be difficult. I admire what you are doing. It must take huge amounts of energy.
Meryl
Welcome Judith! I’m sorry to read about what your husband is going through which I am sure takes alot out of you both. I hope this site gives you the strength and courage as it did me with my mom and her condition. The people here are wonderful and supportive in every way.