A Common Life

For many years, I have loved this poem by Emily Dickinson: If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain; If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain, Or help one fainting robin Unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain I think this aptly applies to those of us who take on the role of caregiving. This has been a comfort to me, when I have felt that life was passing me by and when I...

Date Night

Black fur felt hat with red suede trim-Patricia Underwood from my hat shop in the 80′s, vintage leopard print jacket-gifted by Nelson, estate sale jewelry. Date night met all expectations! We left early for a movie to match Nelson’s energy level, followed by dinner at a favorite restaurant. It must have been our laughter about memories of the origin of the 60′s faux fur leopard print jacket, which Nelson gave...

Update on Mom

Mom was moved today from the hospital to the rehab which will now become her permanent residence. I have been trying to be so strong for her but it is so hard to do. My mom was always outgoing and never home. Her health over the years has made her not go outside and withdraw from life. Mom is only 71. When mom was in the hospital, she has become more agitated as well as hallucinating. They gave her morphine for the...

Movie Monday: The Black Balloon

It’s Tuesday, which means it must be Movie Monday. On Mondays (or when a Tuesday feels like a Monday), I review a movie that may provide an insight or a break from caregiving. Last night, I watched “The Black Balloon.” Here’s how Netflix describes the movie: “Australian model Gemma Ward makes her feature film debut in this family drama starring Rhys Wakefield as a 16-year-old trying...

Poll: Do You Have a Caregiving Back-Up Plan?

“Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.” ~ Allen Saunders Certainly, caregiving changed your life plans. It also demands planning and scheduling. And, then, when bad weather or flu or another emergency gets in the way, it demands a Plan B (and sometimes a Plan C and D). In this week’s poll, sponsored by Caregiving.com and eCareDiary.com, we ask: Do you have a caregiving...

Game

In caregiving, you may feel that you regularly wear a game face. You may put on a game face when you and your caree hear difficult news during a doctor’s appointment. You may wear a game face on those bad days when the requests for your help just won’t stop. And, your game face comes out during the unpleasant moments during personal care. Your game face helps you cope with upsetting moments, unpleasant...

Random Happenings from the Week

We have had a very busy and productive week. My sister came up and helped me deal with itemizing all Mom’s caregiving and medical costs for the year (we have to give account for all of it once each year). Having her support and help was wonderful, and made a tedious task much more enjoyable. On Friday, my husband and I each took our moms to the doctor (they have the same primary care doctor). We normally...

Why So Fast?

The picture to the right is of my mother and I. She is introducing me, with caution, to Mike, our cat (we had two, Mike and Ike, “they looked alike”). This picture reminds me of how important it is that I continue to introduce (and reintroduce) my mother, with caution and patience, to all the newness she now faces each day. The picture below is of myself and my two brothers. Somehow the age...

Ask Denise: How Can I Help You?

Dear Denise, I have a 2011 goal to give back and do something for those that help me. This is a really vague, open-ended goal, so I’d like to focus it a bit more. What can I do to help you and caregiving.com? Hello, Oh, my, your question has made my day! Thank you so much for thinking about me and the site. Just as a little background: Caregiving.com is self-funded, which means revenue generated from the site...

Sleep is Over Rated

Hubby has had several fairly confused days as of late. Staying up day and night with just cat naps. He wanders around the house and gets lost. One night as we lie in bed I asked him if he needed to go to the bathroom, a through the day habit I have developed. He agreed then pointed to the bathroom door and asked, “Is the bathroom in there?” After his return he settled back down in the bed and asked...

Moving Them In

I sympathize so much with many here who are at or soon will be at the point of moving their loved one to a full time facility. The pain of committing this ”act of love” is more than incredibly. Feelings of failure, abandonment, betrayal…I shared them all. The act is seemingly done always as a last resort, our backs to the proverbial wall, and under the worse of conditions. I can’t help...

It’s Guilt Time….

I know I haven’t been on much lately as this is my busy season at work. I am on overload with working six days a week and late nights plus taking care of mom and trying to find some time for myself to breathe in between. Please know that even though I haven’t posted, I always hope that all is well with each and every one of you. Tonight I had a minute to breathe although they are breaths of guilt and...

The Kuna

As we draw closer to the six year anniversary of Nelson’s diagnosis, I have been having recollections of important and memorable experiences that we’ve shared during our journey over these years. During Nelson’s remission in 2008 we traveled to Panama and visited a friend who I hadn’t seen since graduate school in the early 70′s. Reviewing photos from that time, which of course included elephant bell...

What Helps You Stretch?

Today, on Table Talk, Judith joined us to talk about caring for her husband Nelson, her art and how yoga has helped her stretch in life. You can listen to our show via the player below. Judith has a very calm way about her—you can hear her calm in her voice. She practices yoga four times a week and applies what she learns on the mat in her life. For instance, her yoga instructor will ask during a difficult...

You’re the Grumpy One, Not Me!

I get asked a lot how do I do it? How do I stay upbeat and calm in the midst of both parents’ steady decline? It will sound like a cliché but I give credit to God. I’m smart enough to know I can’t take credit for it. I’m the guy who had to end life support on his wife, who only a few months after that had to put a suffering, cancer-riddled dog to sleep, who along with his kids battled depression...

Cape-R

Time to bring out the vintage black/white herringbone cape with rhinestone buttons, black velvet collar and red satin lining and top it off with a vintage black velvet beret to greet the freezing cold day. These items, along with the vintage black long fabric gloves, were ‘finds’ at estate sales over the years. The Style Crone finished off the outfit with gifted tall black heeled boots. Capes are great for...

“Love You Forever”

That’s the title of a children’s book by Robert Munsch published in 1986. It could be the anthem story for the Sandwich Caregiver. The book tells the story of a mom, her new born son and the song she sings to him as she holds him and rocks him back and forth: “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, As long as I’m living My baby you’ll be.” In the book, the boy’s life progresses as the...

Blizzards and Taxes

This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Ellen Rogin, our wealthness expert, joined us to discuss an odd mix–our Chicago blizzard and upcoming taxes. You can listen to our show via player below. I’m working on scheduling another show to discuss the deductions and credits available to family caregivers. In the meantime, have you started working on your taxes? Do you file early or at the last...

Smiley Faces

Someone stole our smiley faces. The bums! On our door at work, we have signs with sliding smiley faces to let people know where we are, to give them some idea of when we will return. One morning last week, I found that someone had stolen our smiley faces. Sometimes it seems like life events have stolen my smiley face. I went out to lunch with a co-worker and she said that she doesn’t see me smile anymore...

Who was YOUR Best Teacher, Ever?

For many people, there is an instant response to the question, “Who was your best teacher, ever?” Teachers can have amazing impact on their students. I’m sure there was at least one, maybe even several, who you consider having made a true difference in your life. It may not be the teacher that was the most fun, although it could be. Rather, consider the teacher that saw something special in you,...

A Fresh Morning

Yesterday was a tough day for me. There is no two ways about it. However, I got through it. And I managed to finish hemming scout pants, start sewing patches on the scout shirt, get the meals on the table, run an errand, do the laundry, and dust and vacuum. There were some really rough moments in between, but phone calls with one friend and e-mails with another really got me through those moments. Sometimes I felt...

Ugh! A Diagnosis. Now, What?

G-J’s news last night got me thinking. About six years ago, my dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer. We knew something was wrong prior to the diagnosis. He and my mom returned home early from a vacation because of blood in my dad’s urine. My dad loves to travel and loves to vacation. But, he was desperate to get home. That’s when we knew he knew something was really wrong. My dad had tests. Then...