With the end of the school year approaching, our school picnic and times away are beginning to be planned.
My aunt has always come to the house for us to care for my mother (her sister). This year, as my aunt has aged, and my mother has experienced so much decline, I need to rely on aides, and help that is prepared to offer support within the dementia. We are thinking about incorporating two or three different helpers on a day when we are gone for any extended period of time or for an overnight.
I was hoping for some shared wisdom…My mother’s needs have increased both in conversation, with decisions about what her needs are or what she might want to eat, etc., and there are many many more needs with her personal care. As I begin a list of support, I’m not sure how to go about explaining each of her needs.
Do I take notes and share with the caregiver at the kitchen table? Or, do I have them come and experience a certain amount of time here with me? I want to do what would best help them, and also would be the least embarrassing for my mother.
Thank you, in advance, for your insights. Just not sure where to start, to be sure I leave all here in a good place.
You are a disruptor. The delivery of health care starts with you, continues because of you, and ends with you. Let's disrupt together to make the world better for family caregivers. 
Unit Known as Shandi
I would say both. I have a written care plan for Mom, and have it organized by time of day. I list her daily routine, and everything she needs help with (my Mom has very little use of her hands, limited mobility, and the dementia…so for her, it’s everything). I also include notes that I think might help, such as the location of caregiving items. My mom, too, is very private and finds it embarassing to hear us go over this list. When I’m considering a potential aide, I screen them by phone first. I get references and their employment history. After checking references, if everything seems good, I’ll meet them at a public place (without Mom). If that goes well, I invite them to meet Mom. Although my mom has dementia, she’s a good judge of character and knows if she feels a connection with the person. If Mom likes them, I then meet with them to go over my detailed list (again, without Mom). Finally, I have them “shadow” me for a day or two. (I pay them for this time.) Because my mom’s mobility is so complicated, I need this time (and so do they) to feel comfortable with her transfers. Only when we are all comfortable do I leave Mom alone with a new caregiver. In the past, I’ve been right next door in case they need me (we are now living with Mom, see my posts on our bankslide). I have to admit, I’ve scared away a couple of caregivers with this approach…but I’m okay with that. The caregivers that have been “keepers” have appreciated my input, and I try to do it in a way that isn’t overly bossy. It may be overkill in your situation (I’m not sure how mobile your Mom is), but with my Mom’s complicated mobility needs, it has been critical. Be sure, if you hire a private caregiver, that you have a written employment contract signed before their first day of work. There are a number of sample contracts available online.
If your Mom sleeps at least 7 hours at night, you can hire a 24 hr caregiver. That would be less stress for her, and save you money. Most agencies require that 7 hour window of sleeping time for their employees (wouldn’t it be nice if we had that benefit!).
Good luck. Hope that helps.
Karen
As a teacher, I follow the axiom: “I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.” (Confucius)
I totally agree with Shandi who has given such good advice. Absolutely do both. You need to have detailed notes which you go over with them AND have them experience your day. It’s more work, but it will give both you and your mother more peace of mind.