Tough Love

The hardest part of being a caregiver in my opinion is knowing you are doing the best you can, but is still not appreciated. In my house, I am not the only caregiver. My dad, sister also are caregivers for my mom. My mom and I always had such a great relationship; like I had mentioned in the previous blog, we did everything together. When she first became ill everything she asked for I gave her. I realized that the...

Mom’s Determination is Back

Hi all, I haven’t posted a whole lot about how Mom’s doing, except in the “What’s a Bad Day in 6 Words” thread. Since I brought her home from the nursing home on April 1st, it has been so hard. Emotionally, Mom has been a mess. She has just given up. In the past, it was Mom who would say, “Honey, get me out of this chair…I need to walk.” She has refused to give up...

Robert is Okay

Robert doesn’t have any side effects whatsoever from his medication mishap. Before leaving the Day Program he was surrounded by the ladies who work there and, in spite of a very stressful situation, he had them all laughing at his silly jokes. Plus, he beat me at three card games this afternoon. Everything is obviously back to normal. The Day Program is reviewing their medication protocols and guidelines and...

If She Could Just Remember: “Wait A Minute”

Needing to vent a bit tonight. There are so many times within dementia that  things seem “in control” and that I am aware of the needs, and the whens of the needs…BUT it is so difficult when my mother forgets that I just asked her to ‘wait a minute’. Tonight I was paying bills and went in to remind her twice what I was doing, and that I would be right in to help her get ready for...

My Relaxing Sick Day

I’ve been so worried about Robert getting sick that I didn’t pay attention to my own health.  I half noticed a cough a few days ago, then started getting hoarse yesterday and woke up last night with a fever, cough, sore throat: full blown cold/flu.  My voice is getting more non-existent by the minute which, no doubt, makes my hubby very happy.  Because of the fever, I thought I would spare the office my...

Spring Green or Purple?

Green leopard print jacket-NYC flea market, vintage green and purple gloves and vintage silk green/purple Sant’ Angelo scarf-estate sales, vintage purple earrings-vintage shop, vintage black fabric hat with tassel-Joan Carney/Les Chapeaux. The Style Crone was out and about on a gorgeous spring day looking for background for the green leopard print jacket and the quandary of whether to wear blue or green gloves...

Scared

(Today, we welcome a new blogger, Lea. She begins her story…) I don’t like talking about my fears, but I think if I don’t put it out there it will eat at me until all I have left are hands. I was 22 when I first became a caregiver because I married a disabled man. He was physically capable of being self-sufficient, but had never been required to be self-sufficient. I never treated him as if he...

Update on our Landslide

Well, the county inspectors came out today and put a “yellow tag” on our house. That means we can go in and out to get our stuff (nearly done), but the house is uninhabitable due to the landslide. Exploring our long-term options, but I don’t think any of them include moving back into our home. God must have something new in store for us. And, no, insurance doesn’t cover this.

A ‘Boost’ to Help Us Up

The last several days have been a little “steep” feeling. My mother has required more help with eating, pill taking, dressing, taking a few steps and using the bathroom. All very manageable, but with the kids and school, the additional needs felt almost unreachable at times. I’m grateful when my mother remembers what to do with her pills and how to eat—such a gift to me! And, she does...

RE-member

Verb \ ˈri-mem-bər \  “to put back together that which is broken” I read recently the poignant reminder that unbeknownst to many, they are on the verge of a very different life, a life turned upside down. They are doing for the last time, what they think they will be doing twenty years from now. As a widower, solo-parent and caregiver to both parents, while also working fulltime that is a line I crossed...

Youth Nation

I know my story can get pretty depressing so I will share some of the blessings and miracles we received along the way. Christmas is a season of miracles, and we received our share of small miracles to help us through this very difficult time. We didn’t receive anything big enough to pull us out of this mess, but these little miracles sure made life bearable and we ended up having the BEST Christmas ever even...

In Six Words, What’s a Bad Day?

On Saturday, Kathy wrote about her day days, which can be so intense and so lonely they seem to take so much (energy, hope, comfort). Her post made me wonder: How would you describe your bad days in six words? (I’m borrowing a page from Smith Magazine, the home of six-word memoirs.) Your six-word bad day may read like this: I cried. I hid. I cried. or All seems lost; so do I. Perhaps the worst part of bad...

Tangled

Recently, I got a hairbrush tangled in my hair. It was tangled so bad that I thought, Uh, oh, I think I have to cut my hair to untangle this hairbrush. (I used conditioner to dislodge it a bit and then just tugged. I did lose some hair, but I’m no longer wearing a hairbrush.) I got tangled because I used a brush too small for my hair. In life, we get tangled because we have thoughts too small for our good. We...

Now That I Got That Off My Chest

Whew. OK. I seriously feel a little better after lodging my complaint with the complaint department (aka my online caregiving friends) You guys understand and don’t judge when bad days are had. When emotions are sitting right on shoulders. You have walked the path of fear and frustration and nerves (the good and bad kind, see Denise, I listen ) You are quick to offer support and encouragement. My prayer...

Orange Blossom Honey- Thank You, Denise!

Mom and I will be finishing the book that I’ve been reading to her today. It is “The Land Remembered” by Patrick Smith, a historical novel set in Florida that has been adopted and rewritten by the Florida Education Department for use in schools for its historical accuracy. It’s been special for so many reasons: 1) It’s held Mom’s interest, as she grew up in Florida during the...

Some Days

Some days I just want to scream Some days I just want to shout kick stomp run away cry twirl around like a tornado throw things wail be the mean girl sit down and give up Some days I can’t think. I can’t find the energy to exert on it. I haven’t thought well for a few days I didn’t even want to type right now, but I didn’t want to be silent, more. I’m tired all the way to my...

I Want to Post Something Positive in the Midst of a Lot of Negatives

Just for once, I want to post something positive. The best that I can do today, is post the positives that have come out of a whole lot of difficult experiences. My brothers are much more involved now than they were before January. My family has rallied around us to save our household stuff, as we are faced with losing our house to the landslide. (A contractor that specializes in bank stabilization came out...

There’s Always One More Thing

I remember thinking that I would never again book three appointments in one week because it made me crazy. Never say never. This past week I had three appointments before Friday, when I had five on one day. Needless to say, I took the entire day off from work to do this. On Monday, I took time to turn in my retirement paperwork. I felt such an overwhelming sense of relief and lightness once I did this. My official...

Determining Disability

Picking up where I left off in my previous post. I thought I had hit “rock bottom” when I found myself quickly running out of money, having no way to make significant income, and draining what little business our store was able to get. I found some agencies that could help us get back on track. The most important piece of the plan was to get on a program through the state (and Medicaid) to pay me as my...

Talking Candy, Help and Bands

I had two guests this morning on Table Talk: Bette, who cares for her mom, and Marah, Bette’s nine-year-old daughter. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post. When we announced our CareGifters initiative (we raise money to fund caregiving solutions, one family caregiver at a time), Marah said she wanted to help. So, she’s been selling candy, ordered through Hershey’s...

Taking a Step Toward the Right Direction…

Since my mom became sick I have been putting everyone in front of me; well now the time has come for some change. One of the things that I have wished the most is to be able to go back to college. For the last year I have been unable to do that because I have only been thinking about others. It was always one thing or another that stopped me. Of course, money was always my number one priority. My dad has been laid...

Honoring Nelson

Vintage embroidered silk Asian jacket and gold clip on earrings-estate sales, red silk beret-flea market. The Style Crone chose to wear one of her favorite jackets in honor of the tribute to Nelson written by Mark McIntosh, former Denver television sportscaster and current motivational speaker and writer, on his website/blog titled, ‘Continue Steadfastly.’  Mark is a member of the gym where Nelson has rowed...