My family is like our apple tree. Yeah, I know that sounds weird, but I’ll explain.  With my husband having a memory disorder, MCI or lewy-body MCI, depending on who you talk to, our life is not like the life of anyone we have known prior to Steve’s diagnosis in December 2009. Steve had to retire from a job he loved after spending a year on disability. People seem to think our life is pathetic, the way this tree looks.

When my Mom died, we planted a lemon tree in our yard in her memory. She always wanted to grow lemons and was never able to succeed. She did not have a green thumb. My Dad, on the other hand had a green thumb! His thumb was so green that he took two cuttings from my uncle’s apricot tree, planted them in our yard, and grew two trees! One of them gave us more apricots each year than we could possibly eat.

In my Dad’s memory, I wanted to plant an apricot tree, but couldn’t find one. I settled for a dwarf Fuji apple tree because my Dad ate an apple daily. However, my method of growing is to buy a plant, plant it where I want it to grow, and expect good results.

Well, through sheer luck we grew an apple! It was so little it would fit in the cupped part of my hand. Fortunately, Steve suggested I take a picture of the apple, which I did. One day, the apple was gone, and there was no sign there had ever been an apple on the tree. I was very surprised! Our son went on the internet and we discovered that raccoons eat apples. (FYI, we live in the suburbs of the OC and raccoons are a big deal. It was a really big deal the day I saw a skunk walking across the street a few miles from our home!) Frankly, I was happy that the apple was good enough for the raccoon to eat and that the raccoon wasn’t wasteful.  (Yeah, I know. Remember where I live?)

Shortly after the raccoon’s visit to the apple tree snack bar, the tree lost almost all the leaves and those that remained curled up. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do to save “Pop-Pop’s apple tree” as it is called.

You’ve got to admit that this is a rather sad looking tree, but I never walk up to the tree and tell it that it looks hopeless.  I try to nurture the tree and give it water. I hope for the best with this tree and do all I can to encourage it. Some people look at me and see me like the first picture of the tree, but when you look closely at the tree, you can see there are buds. This tree hasn’t given up, and neither has my family.

Our lives are very full, and admittedly mine is a little too full at times. Steve takes a sheet metal class at the local community college. He created a number of tables that were sold at a fundraiser. He mentors the other students in the class and is teaching them how to make the tables. This class has exposed Steve to a whole different side of life than ours. One day a student apologized for missing the day before, but he was in jail, and would they like a note from his parole officer? Yikes!

Steve attends a meeting every month with other people who retired from the same company. He knows only one other person there but he still goes and interacts with people who have no clue about his health. Steve works with Boy Scouts in our son’s troop. The only people in the troop who know about Steve’s situation are the few hand-picked adults we’ve told.

Our son has about six weeks left of his freshman year of high school. He’s been active in band, cross country, track, become an Eagle Scout, learned French, gotten great grades, made new friends, and worked with two other students to make a French Apple Tart from scratch. He has a job watching the neighbor’s cats when she is out of town. In his Boy Scout troop, our son is Senior Patrol Leader and now attends the parent’s meeting to represent the other scouts. Oh, and he’s working on playing a second instrument.

As for me, I’m too busy with volunteer activities, all of my own choosing. I teach a class at the city’s senior center, work in the high school’s scholarship office, co-chair membership for the PTA, am a merit badge counselor for seven Boy Scout merit badges and am becoming the band booster president. Growing up, busy and productive were good things in our home. My parents worked 40+ hours each, taking all the overtime they could get. My Dad was recognized in Boy Scouts for all his volunteer work. My Mom went to school and earned her AA while working, was involved with a professional secretaries organization, got busy in her company’s management club, and helped with an arthritis telethon and holiday toy drive. Retirement meant my Dad slowed down but my Mom sure didn’t! She golfed, ran their library and worked at bingo. To my Mom, anyone besides my Dad taking a daytime nap was a sin! No matter what was going on in life, having and following through with all these obligations took top priority or pretty close to it.

Just because my family is living our life as though nothing is wrong doesn’t mean we are in denial. Believe me, we are aware there is a problem. We see that things are not the same as they were a few years ago but it’s not like we can do anything about it. I know people mean well when they are expressing their concern, but many people need to stop and think before they speak. Please stop telling me I am in denial and need to be more realistic about our situation. Don’t ever tell me again that things are going to get worse. Do you think I don’t know that and need to be reminded of it?

Do you really want to help and support us? Show us kindness.  Please keep your opinions of our life (unless they are like the comment from a friend who told me I look ten years younger!) to yourself. Remember and follow the old saying that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it. Nurture us as I have learned to nurture our apple tree. With hope, faith, and a lot of water, look at our tree now. Blossoms, baby leaves, and even a new apple!

My family is like our apple tree. If you know about Steve’s health, our life will seem quite sad, but look at us a little more. You’ll see we’re blooming and growing, just like our apple tree.

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