So…….ya ready for this?

I am sure it will seem like I am just over reacting, but this is how I feel, or how this situation makes me feel.

Apparently – I am incapable of “relaxing” or “chilling out” according to Ill Husband.
I try to work on it, but it seems it is impossible?

Last week I come home and already shared about the “Spontaneous” thing, well the same week, just a different day, I come home and he was aggravated, needs to deal with something on the phone, I get kids settled, so they aren’t bothering him with noise, and go from walking in door from work, saying hello to kids, to directly into the kitchen, work dress, panty hose and high heals still on and everything, I start making dinner.

He gets off the phone, comes in kitchen and gets mad cause I started dinner and because I didn’t change clothes?
(Fine if any other husband did that, it would be sweet and he cared, but it is how you say it, that makes the difference.)
Later he says, “Let me give you a tip on how to put the milk in the mashed potatoes”
or has a problem with how much fruit I put on the kids’ plates, saying I put too much, they won’t eat it all.
This is all the same night.

Well, ok, thanks, I understand he is with the kids more for meal times for lunch since it is summer, but I know what the kids want and low and behold they asked for seconds and thirds of the fruit, which is what I originally did put in quantity.

I was so ready to walk out the door if he said one more thing, and tell him I am leaving till you can actually treat me with respect, and was just going to go get plastered or drunk and stay there till I was sober.

But – of course, wimpy ole me, didn’t, but also he didn’t do anything more that night.

Few days later I just have had it, I said, When did I become your child, I am supposed to be your wife, can you not ever tell me anything positive that I do, can you not ever tell me thank you for all I do.

He says I am never home, the kids ask him where Mommy is, he says I am too busy when I am home and take the kids everywhere to do things on weekends, but that doesn’t signify spending quality time with them.

I need to come home and sit down and talk to them, not come in the door and go directly to start dinner, homework, tidy up the mess that might be there.

How easy is it for him to see so much of what I am not doing when he doesn’t know what my body is like. I cannot handle so much going on so have become accustomed to doing so many things at once that I am not able to shut down or “chill out.”

I am tired of hearing from him what I need to do with the kids.
Tired of hearing “you are too stressed and get too short with the kids” and he thinks “I am always “nagging” with them needing to do something.”
Or, I yell too much.

He says he is not saying I am a bad mom, but that is how it comes across to me.

I don’t want to hear his “suggestions” anymore.
I want him to shut up and see something/anything positive.

He thinks because I get upset or emotional when he starts these talks that he has to shut his mouth and never say how he feels, well, he can say how he feels, but does it always have to be about me and what I am doing wrong?

This week his eyes are swollen, chronic fevers, and Tuesday he couldn’t get off the couch and kept going in and out of sleep.
Amber’s birthday evening on Tuesday was all of us at home, and IS with his cane to stand against the wall to sing her happy birthday at the table.
Thankfully Amber was home with Keira and could tell me how the day went, and what Daddy did during the day, or the lack of.

Last week he was fatigued, but did a few things around the house, but was on my case, as I described above.

I am not a child, not his at least, just because he is six years older than me doesn’t give anyone reign to act that way.

I am mad at him, or should I be mad at what is making him sick, but also frustrated because his personality is changing so much with his symptoms and decline.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I apologize if my outlook on my marriage and the mindset I am in right now with being a spousal caregiver offends anyone.

I know we all will look on our situations differently but lately I guess people will call me being “selfish.”

I took the vows for sickness and in health, I am loyal and have upheld my vows, but husbands and wives, no matter if they are sick, they still have a life and position to fill and uphold, but so many times the Ill Spouse thinks it is all about them.

I love my husband, but I am still human and have feelings, wants, needs, etc.

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