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Do You Ever Feel Like… ?

Do you ever feel like a little hamster in one of the wheels that just keeps running, running, running but not going anywhere? That’s what I feel like most days. This morning is an example. I have things to do but my mind is so jumbled I don’t know what. I know that I made or started a master list at Nicole’s last dentist appointment last month but I can’t find it.

I will be waking Nicole up in about 15 minutes as I have to go to Walgreen’s to scout for vitamins for Nicole and a couple other on sale items. Then it is of to the counselor followed by a dentist appointment. I will be home for a few hours this afternoon and then to VBS we go to volunteer. I really need to get the medical binder completed which I thought I had finished this until I opened it up and a pile of papers fell out. Oh yeah, that’s right I had to stop working on it to get the spare room presentable (it isn’t anymore… no surprise) for our company that was here at beginning of the month.

I have a 15-page application for SSI to fill out for Nicole and I looked it this morning and now I have a headache. I don’t have a clue how to fill this out. I emailed the case manager and will have to have her walk me through it.

Nicole will be starting 11th grade on Monday. I do not have the teacher materials for Chemistry or US History but we will start regardless of whether I have these or not. I do have almost everything prepared (I am proud of myself for this.) Thursday we will be gone from early morning to mid-afternoon when we go to Shand’s hospital which is about a 2 1/2 hour drive each way for Nicole’s three-month check up with the PH specialist. I pray that she is still stable. That evening from 6:00 – 8:00 VBS followed by a PH Parents Telephone support group meeting at 8:30 p.m.

I just NEED/HAVE to get a routine and a master list of what I need to do every day and then STICK TO IT!!!!!!!!! Yesterday, again, I was told how organized I am … I was laughing inside so hard…thinking, if you only had a clue how clueless I am without organizational skills! Maybe, they see potential I don’t know but I’m told this a lot.

Once again, I didn’t get my goals accomplished for the summer which really was the spare room and living room. I am so disappointed and upset with myself. I have nobody to blame but myself.

Can I please get off the hamster wheel? Does anybody know how to get off?

Well, I got to run… thanks for listening to my incoherent ramblings.

Jane ~ mom to Nicole, 16 yo, VSD, PAH, Eisenmengers, EDS
Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things.

About Jane

Profile photo of Jane
My name is Jane and I care for my 19 year old daughter, Nicole, who has several congenital heart defects, Eisenmenger's syndrome and pulmonary hypertension which is a rare, life-threatening, incurable and progressive lung disease that causes blood pressure within the pulmonary arteries to become higher than normal. She also has several other health issues that are not as severe.I have two blogs one is "A Day in the Life" which chronicles Nicole's diagnosis and our everyday life. My other blog is "Let's Get Organized" which chronicles my struggle to get the clutter out of my house and get organized.

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  1. Profile photo of

    I just had to laugh as I read your post. I couldn’t put into words how I was feeling but after reading your post, I feel exactly like that little hamster who can’t get off!

    You have your hands full. Hope Nicole’s appt goes well, please post and let us know. If you figure out a way to get off that crazy wheel, PLEASE, let me know!!!

    Praying for you and your family.


    • Hi J-Ann:

      I’m glad you had a laugh… that makes me feel good.

      I will make sure I post about her appointment. It will probably be Friday before I get it done.

      I will let you know if I figure out how to get off the wheel.

      Appreciate the prayers!
      Jane ~ mom to Nicole, 16 yo, VSD, PAH, Eisenmengers, EDS
      Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things.

  2. Profile photo of Denise

    Hi–I find myself in the hamster wheel when I’m distracted by too much to worry about. When I worry, I feel disorganized and forgetful. I wonder if the appointment on Thursday is really worrying you? Perhaps you can let yourself off the hook, knowing that something important is coming up, which is becoming a priority in your thoughts and heart?

    One task at a time. :) And, sometimes, the most important task to tackle is the worry about the future. You are all okay today. You really are.

    Hope this helps.

    • Hi Denise:

      You’re probably right. I do tend to get really distracted and scatterbrained when I get overwhelmed and too many things on my mind.

      Yes, I am worried about this appointment. We can find out that she is getting worse. I hope for “stable” but I want to hear that she is better and I will be disappointed if I don’t get this.

      Your advice always helps.


  3. Profile photo of Chet

    YES!! I agree, lately I’ve been feeling like all I do is restart over again (yes, that is intentionally redundant.) I think I have a feel for what I need to do, get started. Then blam, I get plowed over by some new situation.

    • Chet:

      Glad I’m not the only one.

      Jane ~ mom to Nicole, 16 yo, VSD, PAH, Eisenmengers, EDS
      Troubles are often the tools that God fashions us for better things.

  4. Hi, Jane! I think Denise hit the nail on the head. Plus, I think worry about the appointment on Thursday is taking up the space in your brain which would tell you where your master list is! :-) I’m a list person and I feel very disorganized if I don’t have a list. Then when I’m overwhelmed with the list, I remember to just check things off one at a time and eventually it gets better (although, things always get added, too, so it’s never completely done!). Hang in there!

    • Trish:

      This appointment always weighs heavily on my mind and I will be very sad and depressed for a couple of days afterward as it is my face again.

      I am a list maker. I have my daily calendar all divided into sections a long with appointments.

      Thank you so much for your support.

      Jane ~ mom to Nicole, 16 yo, VSD, PAH, Eisenmengers, EDS
      Troubles are often the tools that God fashions us for better things.

  5. Hi Jane,
    I totally understand what you are saying. I too, always need to have a “To Do” list. I’m a bit lost without it. I’ve learned that it’s okay to move things ahead a bit as needed.

    Thinking and praying for you all on Thursday. You have so much to think about and on top of those things, there’s school starting.

    I hope you find your master list soon.

  6. Bette, thank you so much. I hope your vacation was wonderful and your rested and relaxed :o)

    Yes, I am lost without a to-do list. I appreciate all the thoughts and prayers.

    Friday I focus on school. I am proud of myself for getting our first week all planned and I have Nicole reading her first book report. I will also have her first writing assignment picked out for her.

    Jane ~ mom to Nicole, 16 yo, VSD, PAH, Eisenmengers, EDS
    Troubles are often the tools that God fashions us for better things.

  7. Profile photo of Jennifer

    Hi, Jane – I’ve been off for a couple of days and this is the first post I read. I was actually planning to tell how I’m feeling today, but your post (and its replies) pretty much already told the story!
    We’re ALL distracted, confused and doing too much – but we’re doing it better than anyone else could do in our own situations!
    Hang in there – I’ll read your more recent post next.


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