Do you ever feel like a little hamster in one of the wheels that just keeps running, running, running but not going anywhere? That’s what I feel like most days. This morning is an example. I have things to do but my mind is so jumbled I don’t know what. I know that I made or started a master list at Nicole’s last dentist appointment last month but I can’t find it.
I will be waking Nicole up in about 15 minutes as I have to go to Walgreen’s to scout for vitamins for Nicole and a couple other on sale items. Then it is of to the counselor followed by a dentist appointment. I will be home for a few hours this afternoon and then to VBS we go to volunteer. I really need to get the medical binder completed which I thought I had finished this until I opened it up and a pile of papers fell out. Oh yeah, that’s right I had to stop working on it to get the spare room presentable (it isn’t anymore… no surprise) for our company that was here at beginning of the month.
I have a 15-page application for SSI to fill out for Nicole and I looked it this morning and now I have a headache. I don’t have a clue how to fill this out. I emailed the case manager and will have to have her walk me through it.
Nicole will be starting 11th grade on Monday. I do not have the teacher materials for Chemistry or US History but we will start regardless of whether I have these or not. I do have almost everything prepared (I am proud of myself for this.) Thursday we will be gone from early morning to mid-afternoon when we go to Shand’s hospital which is about a 2 1/2 hour drive each way for Nicole’s three-month check up with the PH specialist. I pray that she is still stable. That evening from 6:00 – 8:00 VBS followed by a PH Parents Telephone support group meeting at 8:30 p.m.
I just NEED/HAVE to get a routine and a master list of what I need to do every day and then STICK TO IT!!!!!!!!! Yesterday, again, I was told how organized I am … I was laughing inside so hard…thinking, if you only had a clue how clueless I am without organizational skills! Maybe, they see potential I don’t know but I’m told this a lot.
Once again, I didn’t get my goals accomplished for the summer which really was the spare room and living room. I am so disappointed and upset with myself. I have nobody to blame but myself.
Can I please get off the hamster wheel? Does anybody know how to get off?
Well, I got to run… thanks for listening to my incoherent ramblings.
Jane ~ mom to Nicole, 16 yo, VSD, PAH, Eisenmengers, EDS
Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things.