Not Fighting Any More
Jul 9 2011 in The Unit Known As Shandi's blog by The Unit Known as Shandi
Today has been all about letting go. I’m at peace. Mom is at peace. I know that I’ve done all that I can, that Mom has been loved and cared for. I am exhausted, but okay.
Mom’s respirations are slowing down, and other signs are pointing to about 72 hours (according to the hospice nurse…if she had to guess). That would be daddy’s birthday.
The most frustrating part of today was dealing with the “nuts-and-bolts” of this (getting oxygen in and learning to use it, dealing with financial affairs, etc) and feeling so resentful because these details were consuming my day and taking away from my remaining hours with Mom. I thought about posting my “To Do” list for the day. It was an ironic mix of the “nuts-and-bolts” stuff and things like playing the piano for Mom (yep, I did play for her this evening, just as the sun was setting and she was nodding off after I gave her medication). I hope to wheel her hospital bed outside tomorrow for some fresh air.
Photo of the day is of our son and Mom. He has been the all-around, handy-dandy, Mr. Fix-it-man and has shown so much love to his grandma, as well as to us. He’s pretty handsome, I think!
Our elder son is coming tomorrow morning, and going walking with me. I’m looking forward to it.
Karen said on July 9, 2011
I understand the resentment at having to deal with other details. But you were able to play for your mother. What a blessing!
What a blessing to know that you have done all that you could and for both of you to be at peace.
G-J said on July 9, 2011
I’m glad to read that you and your Mom are at peace. How wonderful that you got hospice in to help make this transition as smooth as possible.
Yes, your son is handsome!
Jo said on July 9, 2011
(((Shandi)))
Sharon said on July 9, 2011
Shandi, I wish I could give you a hug right now. You have been and still are a wonderful daughter to your Mom. I am so glad for the peace you are now both expereiencing.
Trish said on July 9, 2011
Shandi, I’m so happy you and your mom are at peace. It’s wonderful you were able to play for her, too! That must have meant so much to everyone. Take care.
Denise said on July 9, 2011
Hi TUKAS–Thinking of you today and wishing you all much peace and comfort.
Bette said on July 9, 2011
Hi Shandi,
Thinking of you and your family. Praying for peace for each of you and knowing the continued love you bring and show to your mom.
Jennifer said on July 9, 2011
Hi. I’m so glad that you can make the transition so beautifully – and yes, your son is handsome! How lovely for your mom to have you and her caring grandsons nearby; I’ll keep that image of you being able to bring her outside in the sun tomorrow at the forefront of my thoughts.
Kathy said on July 9, 2011
Shandi,
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. {{{hugs}}}