Still Fighting

Today was an up and down kind of day. I’d have to call it a tie between Mom’s will to live and the C Diff. My brother handled making arrangements with the cemetery and funeral home today, which I so appreciate. He respected my wishes, and my sister’s, but handled all the unpleasant details. Mom is very weak, too weak to talk, but I’ve had kisses and little smiles. She’s aware of...

The Jitters

I have a choice tonight to cry or write and I choose the latter. (: I received a call two nights ago that the girl that will be staying with my mother while we are away, can’t come until two days after we are suppose to leave…but that her mother will be filling in for her.  That’s okay, I know her mom as well – the concern for me is in the communication. I talked with her mom tonight and...

Update on Post on Feelings…

Thank you all for the wonderful responses of my post the other day regarding Rick’s cousin Deb. I did tell her that I agree with her that Nicole does need exercise but going to the mall and walking around is too much exercise for her. She said, “I know she won’t go because I told her she had to walk.” She didn’t go which I knew too, for one she doesn’t like shopping and two it is...

Caregiver I

My family has a bit of identity crisis when it comes to me. For years, even before my wife’s death, my kids referred to me as MaPa. In the absence of my wife I took on the duties of Mommy and Papa and in their mind was often indistinguishable. This week my Mom began piling on to my confusion. Our visits this summer have settled into a predictable routine: I quietly walk up behind Mom and Dad, who are briefly...

Hospice vs Traditional Medicine

Reading Shandi’s posts I couldn’t help but notice this one particular line: “Hospice amazing, the medical support I’ve looked for all year” I’ve not experienced hospice directly but the overwhelming majority of accounts that I read and hear say the same thing.  It begs the question, Why? Is it that with hospice finally comes a much longed for focus more on the patient and family...

Score Today for Mom

If we were in a boxing match (which we are, as Mom fights to live), I’d have to give yesterday to the C Diff. Today went to Mom. She is bedridden and very ill, but she fought to drink and to eat today, and had some very lucid moments. She is in a lot of pain. It’s hard to know how to handle it. She is still fighting to live, and I don’t want to give her the stronger medicine that Hospice has...

Reality

I love to watch The Real Housewives of… Well, any city, state or county. New York City, New Jersey, Orange County, Beverly Hills, Atlanta. I’m there. And, I love the spin-off, Bethenny Ever After. (I even emailed Bethenny to invite her to be a guest on the talk show to discuss forgiveness.) The reality of their lives fascinates. They live in beautiful homes, they eat out a lot (and don’t gain...

School of You: Summer School Session, II

Our second session of our Caregiving Summer School starts next week! Join me for three-week classes that help you manage your caregiving experience. Our school is about you and your caregiving experience, to help feel better where you are right now. Our classes conveniently take place over the phone (“teleclasses”). Teleclasses are a great way to learn, share and support—without leaving your...

Resources for Life’s End

As we support The Unit Known as Shandi and her mom, I thought it would be helpful to share resources we have on the site. You can find articles relating to end-of-life care, including making the feeding tube decision, here: www.caregiving.com/tag/end-of-life/ And, one of the articles includes a talk show I did about 18 months ago with a chief medical officer at a Hospice organization based in Florida (Making the...

And Today…

Bacteria is winning. Mom’s pulse very low, she’s pretty unresponsive. I did manage to get one banana and two cups of fluid down today.  She smiled very small smiles at me today (dog got the biggest one of the day). Family surrounding us. Hospice amazing, the medical support I’ve looked for all year. Her bed beside mine. Heart is breaking. But…she’s home and she knows it. No...

“Just” a Haircut?

Getting a haircut is not a huge deal for most people. I personally love to get my hair done because it’s an excuse to sit back and relax and have my scalp rubbed while amusing the stylist with the result of my feeble attempts to cut my bangs (“Trish, please come in for a quick bang trim between cuts! You don’t have to live with crooked bangs!”). If Robert doesn’t keep his curly locks cut, he tends to...

Feelings of….

I have feelings but not sure how to categorize or say what they are.Rick’s (my hubby) cousin is visiting from Michigan. Rick and Deb should be siblings and not cousins. They are very close and she comes down at least three times a year and stays with us. I think that she’s a great person. She is the one at the moment bringing out these feelings of overprotectiveness, paranoia etc. I go grocery...

What I Learned on My Summer Vacation

On June 21, Mary’s oldest daughter visited from Oregon to take care of Mary while I “vacationed” by taking care of the youngest daughter’s farm while she was working at a music festival for several days. I have done this several times in the past - ”past” meaning when I was a bit younger and less decrepit. But I recovered, and on the 27th, Mary went for her vacation to a...

Beginning To Understand

Saturday was a bit challenging here. My mother tends to get confused and a bit irritable on the weekends. Our routine is off and I think she feels a bit lost. I had been wanting to clean and organize the basement. I checked in regularly with my mother to be sure she didn’t need anything and I was excited to get the basement done. (: She had been in a lot of pain in the morning and when I told her I was...

I’m Curious: Are You Also a Tattletale?

Steve has an appointment with his newest neurologist on Wednesday. This will be our third visit to him. On our second visit, Dr. S diagnosed Steve has having lewy-body, but no dementia. No other doctor that we’ve seen as part of following up with Steve’s doctor has agreed with the lewy-body diagnosis. However, recently Steve has said some things that have made me wonder if Dr. S is actually correct. For...

What a Difference a Day Makes

Yesterday, I posted about Hospice coming. I have to admit, my attitude then was that it was just a temporary thing, just to provide support until Mom became more stable after the 8 UTIs this year. Today, it’s a whole different story. The stool samples came back positive for C Diff and Campylobacter, both extremely serious bowel infections. I had about 30 minutes to make the decision about whether to put Mom...

Hospice Starting Today

I’ve had a lot of people tell me that Hospice would be a big help with Mom, as well as protection for myself. Although she’s been without a UTI for over a month now and we are doing everything possible to prevent more UTIs, she has built up resistance to all but two oral antibiotics and does not want IV antibiotics at the hospital. We had an appointment with her primary care doctor on Tuesday, and she...

Exciting News for Me

I belong to a PH group on facebook. A group (PHAmerica Honors) whose mission is “to implement new and exciting news to reach others with information about PH. And, to give PH patients, caregivers and their families opportunities for positivity” posted about their writing contest that picks who will be their ambassadors for the next 12 months. There are nine different categories and one person is...

Talked to Doctor

This I posted on facebook: Well, I talked to the doctor this afternoon. I knew that the nurse was going to make him call me or she would have called me back. Nicole is definitely anemic. She will be taking iron supplements until further notice and the hope is she will be able to take two. He did say it would take several months to see the iron go up. As far as the platelet count… he is very happy that it...

Frustration…

I posted this on Facebook yesterday. It seems like this is the emotion that I feel the most these days. Nicole had her July blood work on Tuesday. Yes, I know July doesn’t start until tomorrow but I wanted to get her started on iron in case she turned out to be anemic and I couldn’t do this until after the blood test. I was grateful that both the hospital and the doctor’s office was on the ball...

Enter Your Art in Our Caregiving Art Show

Caregiving.com turns 15 on August 3. To celebrate, we’re holding a Caregiving Art Show, which will feature the art of family caregivers and carees. Proceeds from our Caregiving Art Show will help support our CareGifters program and Caregiving.com. Beginning today, you can enter your artwork for the show here. Here’s how it works: Any family caregiver and caree can submit photos of their art (whatever...

Happiness Project: July

In July, our action word as we begin the second year of our Caregiving Happiness Project is Walk. I love this one because we can use it for two purposes. Walking is great exercise. It’s also a terrific coping strategy that we often overlook. When I’m overwhelmed, I try to remember to walk because, when I do, I am calm and collected when the walk ends. The movement helps to me move away from distress and...