Waiting for Freedom
Mom is very close to the end. She quit eating and drinking a few days ago, which means no more antibiotics. Our focus has shifted to keeping her comfortable and surrounded by love. We are waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Now that we have no chance of recovery for her, I want it to be over. She hasn’t spoken for over a week now, and is not responding to things around her any more. I want her to have freedom from her body, which won’t do what she asks it to do. I want her to have her new one. I want freedom for her.
Yesterday, I had a discussion with my brothers. We decided to give Mom’s power chair and wheelchair van to my sister, who is facing a hip replacement on Aug. 16th and has limited mobility. The van will give my sister a sense of freedom, in the same way it gave Mom freedom from her house when we bought it last spring. My sister is pretty excited, and very touched. She was not expecting that, as she knows Mom’s money is nearly gone.
I’ve been busy taking care of Mom and handling her affairs. I’m Mom’s Power of Attorney, but my brother is the executor (hooray!). I don’t want to leave him a mess, and there are things that are easier to handle now.
I’m doing okay, I think, just very tired. My sister lined up family members to sleep beside Mom at night. I did it for the first several weeks after she got sick on July 2nd, and my husband and I have been taking turns since. We are both exhausted, but don’t want to leave Mom alone. If I try to sleep in the same room with her, I listen all night for her breathing, afraid I won’t hear her if something changes and she needs more medication.
I guess, in a way, I’m waiting for freedom, too. But I can’t really think that way yet. I can’t even begin to imagine life without her, or without caring for her.