The Dream
Aug 20 2011 in Blogs, Caring for Parents and Kids, Jo's Blog by Jo
I can’t keep my hands off of Mom and Dad. Seems like every visit I put my hands (or a chin… don’t ask) on their heads. Yesterday I tugged at Pop’s chin and told him it was about time for a shave. Mom is from the generation when women wore hats in public so every visit I play with whatever she happens to have on her head at the time. We also play footsie, rub knees, tug at each others arms and regularly I make a big show of trying to sit on Mom’s lap.
This week my daughter reminded me why this is so important to me. She told me about a dream she had just had. In the dream her mom was in the hospital, in a coma and about to die. Knowing what was about to happen my daughter said she reached out and hugged her mom tightly and just held on. Then she woke up. My daughter described it as a good dream because it was time with Mom… something she doesn’t get to do anymore and hasn’t been able to do for many years.
In reality it was me hugging my just-deceased wife, my kids were in a waiting room with family and hospital staff. I cried and cried out to God, What am I supposed to do now?
I quickly learned I couldn’t fix things. This was a journey my kids and I were just going to have walk through. That lesson has been reinforced with caregiving for my parents. I can’t fix them either. I still use Dr’s and medical care but there is this underlying reality, they are not getting better. Mom is 85 and Pop’s turns 90 next month. Both are increasingly getting worse, each in different ways. I increasingly have this urge to reach out and hold them tight. Maybe I’ll wake up…
…ever notice that dreams start and end in the middle?
Denise said on August 20, 2011
Hi–Wow, is your daughter wise. We hold on to (and reach out for) what’s most precious to us.
You’re such a life force, Jo, in the most amazing way. Whether in a dream or in today, you savor life with such gusto that it’s a gentle nudge to all of us to make the most of this moment.
And, the reality is that you touch us all.
Sharon said on August 20, 2011
Jo, you understand things that only your life experiences were able to teach you. That is why your posts are truly beneficial to anyone you experiences the blessings of reading them.
kristin said on August 20, 2011
Jo – your family is so fortunate to have you as a son/father, and we are fortunate to have you here to remind us life’s lessons.
Bette said on August 20, 2011
Hi Jo,
Thank you for reminding me that there are some things we just can’t fix – and that’s okay. We continue on learning, teaching, and guiding along the way.
That’s exactly what you do Jo, for your family, and I’m blessed to say for me as well.
Thank you for sharing here.
Kathy said on August 21, 2011
Ah Jo,
What a precious moment your daughter had in her sad dream. Her ability to see past the sad and focus on the happy moment and cling to that when she woke, sharing it with you. I’m sure you both smiled.
Keep touching, hugging, elbow rubbing and chinning. Physical touch can speak volumes when words can’t. You will never regret it, as you already know.
Trish said on August 24, 2011
Jo, Such a priceless moment you had with your daughter. You are constantly so self-aware and learning then turning around and teaching your family (and us). You’re a good man, Jo.