Accepting to Find the Fairness of Life

This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Holly, who cares for her husband, joined me to share her story of accepting her truth in her life. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post.

Holly shared a time in her life when she felt her inner light had been turned off. She was already caring for Dave, diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia in 2006, when she learned they had lost all their investments, investments which could not be recovered. She felt alone, overwhelmed and without any solutions.

For the next two months, Holly says she lost the sweetness of life. Until one day she stood in the kitchen cleaning vegetables. She was angry about cooking; Dave had been the cook in the family. The anger about cooking became anger about her life.

And, then it hit her: She had a choice.

That realization led her to stop bargaining with her life and to accepting her life’s reality. She’s in her 50s. She cares for her husband. She has financial challenges. And, it’s okay.

Holly now sees life as fair. When she faces a change or a challenge or a difficult situation, she asks herself, “Today, what can I do about it?” and “How can it get better?”

Holly recognizes that the process of moving into peace can be a long one. It also can be one that brings great comfort. A few weeks ago, when driving in her car, Holly realized that she now longer searches for better. She’s released the judgment of what she has to find the blessings in what she’s given.

After you’ve had a chance to listen to our show, I’d love to know what hit home for you. How do you find peace in a life that you may have once judged as unfair? Please share in our comments section, below.

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About Denise Brown

I began working with family caregivers in 1990 and launched in 1996 to help and support them. Through my blog, I share words of comfort and offer coping strategies and tips. I also write opinion pieces about recent research, community programs and media coverage of caregiving issues. I've written several caregiving books, including "The Caregiving Years, Six Stages to a Meaningful Journey," "Take Comfort, Reflections of Hope for Caregivers" and "After Caregiving Ends, A Guide to Beginning Again." You can purchase my books and schedule a coaching call with me in our store.

3 thoughts on “Accepting to Find the Fairness of Life

  1. G-J

    I was actually able to listen to this live! It was powerful! I’ll be keeping this on my iPod to listen to again. Thanks for sharing your life, Holly!

  2. Sharon

    There were many good thoughts in this show. Having been a caregiver for my husband, Wayne, with all its emotional ups and downs, and then losing him in January has taught me many of these lessons. It is a process, but really peace truly only comes with acceptance.

    These past few years have been difficult for me with many grief filled moments. There are still many grief filled moments, but I have discovered that grief and sadness can coexist with peace and joy. Looking away from the circumstances and believing I am right where I am supposed to be under the protecting presence of my God is my pathway to peace.

    Always thinking that peace will come when things “get better” or a certain situation is removed from my life will rob me of peace today. Trying to give up the “Why, Lord?” questions for the “What next?” questions” has added to my peace.

  3. Avatar of JaneJane

    I listened to this show today. Oh my goodness… I cried for half of it. It sounded just like my life.

    I think that I am in that stage where I’m just like she described “a robot”. Some days I just can’t seem to find gratitude in anything or feel gratitude.

    I need to beat myself with her statement “the outer circumstances are not going to change…” I know this but still can’t seem stop wanting it to be like it was.

    I think the most powerful thing she said for me is “I was always searching for something better…” I think that this is totally me. I would like to think that I have gotten better but I still do this a lot.

    I hope that some day that I will be able to say that life is fair when asked this question. I don’t know if I believe that right now.

    I also liked when she talked about her husband being dizzy while doing the dishes and she was exhausted and didn’t want to do the dishes but she said “how can it get any better?” WOW… I always say “how can things get any worse.”

    I hope that one day I will be able to feel that life is fair and that I can find the joy in what I have. I also would like to be able to feel at peace with it all.

    Thank you Denise for having this show.

    Jane ~ mom to Nicole, 16 yo, VSD, PAH, Eisenmengers, EDS/BHJS


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