Grieving Again

My brother died this morning. I informed my sister. I told my son and daughter. I let friends who had been praying and supporting us know. I didn’t have the heart to tell Mom and Dad. Interestingly Dad, without prompting, asked me about his oldest son. I stammered an indirect answer. I’ve been down that road of telling them about the death of a loved one. They can’t process it. It’ll...

A Lighthearted Report

I’ve written some rather strange things in the past that may have left you hanging like the cliff hanger in a suspenseful novel. FYI, I recommend Ridley Pearson’s “Killer” series for adults.  I thought it was time to post a few pictures and end the suspense. For example, I know you’ve been waiting with baited breath to find out about – wait for it – the earrings! Yes, I have been asked about...

Guilt/Blame/Shame….

In the last boundaries class Denise gave us an assignment in which she asked what do you blame yourself for. I wrote how I blame myself for Nicole’s illness and how because of my choices or lack of I am to blame. It was very difficult for me to write. It was very difficult to give this the name of guilt/shame/blame. I will be having a birthday this week and while I would rather forgot that piece of...

Nicole’s Big Decision…

Nicole made a big decision in her life and while it may seem like no big deal to others for her I’m sure this must have been huge. Nicole was starting to get headaches… I thought oh, please, don’t let something else be wrong. I noticed that her forehead sinuses (which I believe are the frontal sinuses) have developed as this is where the headaches would originate. Nicole had a different opinion....

Gentleness of Time

My mother has had many questions today, some I could understand, some I couldn’t. “Could you get the men? – get the men to help me up.” “Who do I pay here?”  ”Who is in charge?”  The questions started early; I was so grateful to have Denise, G-J, Kathy and Trish ”here” with me during Table Talk. My mother and I listened together.  (: As I...

What’s Going Well for You?

On Thursday, Ellen Rogin, joined me on Your Caregiving Journey. We spoke about the guilt we take on when a part (or parts) of our life go well. We feel guilty that for our success when others may be struggling. You can listen to our show via the player below. During our discussion, I shared an insight from Dr. Wayne Dyer: We don’t help those in poverty by keeping ourselves in a place of poverty. Meaning, we...

Still Kickin

The passing of  Hubby’s friend must have been extremely difficult for him to deal with. At least that is how it seems to me after the funeral services. What a terribly difficult day Hubby had the day after. Hubby had been wound up tighter than an eight-day clock and has done nothing but try to argue with me ALL DAY!!! The morning started off with the usual dialog of moving away. I don’t do mornings...

Update…

I know it has been a while since I have written. It is so sweet that some of you have emailed me privately to ask how I am doing. Here’s a recap of my life… warning, this will be long. Let’s start with our bankruptcy issues. We have our bankruptcy hearing this morning. If I remember correctly our bankruptcy will be finalized with the judge signing it in about 30 days. That is a weight that is...

Approval!

Finally, after much longer than I ever expected this process to take (keep in mind, I thought Robert would be living with us by now), we have an approval from the Planning Department of our City for our garage conversion plan! You’d think I’d be jumping up and down celebrating but there was a “condition” attached to it. We are allowed to convert our garage into a bedroom and bathroom for Robert but the...

Questioning the Effects of Caregiving

I so often worry about how my mother’s illness and all the new challenges and decisions will affect the kids. I wanted to share a conversation Marah and I had on the way home from school today. Marah told me about a new little girl she played catch with at recess today. She’s very excited about her new friend. She said, “My friend is in a wheelchair…she’s little you know, she talks...

When Did You Say “Enough” to Tests?

This morning, on Your Caregiving Journey, Dr. Benjamin Mast joined me for a terrific discussion on when to end tests for your caree. Dr. Mast is an Associate Professor and Vice Chair in the Department of Psychological & Brain Sciences and Associate Clinical Professor in Geriatric Medicine at the University of Louisville (Kentucky). He’s also the author of Whole Person Dementia Assessment. You can listen...

Epilepsy: How Does it Compare

I’m getting a head start on Epilepsy Awareness Month (which is in November). Everyone here is very action oriented so I’ve included a link to a petition for more federal funding to sign at the end. It’s difficult for me to grasp exactly what percentages and numbers mean until I compare them to something else (I didn’t get the math gene in my family). I need a reference point and went searching...

Taking On Your Responsibilities

This morning, Anna Stookey joined me on Your Caregiving Journey to talk about responsibilities—and how not to take on the ones that aren’t ours. You can listen to our show via the player below. Dictionary.com define responsible as “answerable or accountable, as for something within one’s power, control, or management.” The key component of this definition, Anna said, is the second...

Initial Contact with Hospice

I contacted Hospice today for information. I appreciate Denise’s advice to inquire about an evaluation. I had a very uneasy feeling dialing the phone. The woman who answered was very kind. The lady in charge of the evaluations will call me tomorrow. I will post an update. My mother struggles so much with her walking; sitting up from a laying position; standing from a sitting position. She’s in a lot of...

What Advice Would You Give to a Burnt-Out Family Caregiver?

Our live call-in talk show airs at 7:30 p.m. ET (6:30 p.m. CT, 4:30 p.m. PT) tonight! We’re taking your answers to this question: What advice would you give to a burnt-out caregiver? Call (646) 652-4944 to share during our live show. Or, join our show’s chat room to post your insight. If you’re on Twitter, you can tweet during the show using this hashtag: #caretalk. And, to thank you for calling in the...

Job Jar Day is October 22

Help Around the House for Family Caregivers Job Jar Day, A Family Caregiver Awareness Day, is October 22 More than half of family caregivers go it alone in caregiving. And, more than half describe the caregiving experience as “very stressful” or “stressful.” ~ 2011 Family Caregiver Survey Results, Caregiving.com (For more survey results, visit here.) To help you get around your house (or...

Tell Us: What Was Your Caregiving Culture Shock?

Last week, my niece, Sarah, joined me on Your Caregiving Journey for a discussion on culture shock. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post. Sarah spent two years teaching English in a small school in a small town in Poland. After returning to the States this summer, Sarah gave a presentation to her church on her experience moving to a country in which she didn’t speak the...

Happiness Project: October

In October, our action word is Understand. When you walk down the path of forgiveness, you gain an understanding. You understand another–their perspective, their baggage, their reasons. More importantly, you understand yourself. We started the process of forgiveness during September to be ready for the holidays. The understanding you gain will also help you during the holidays. For me, I’m going to...

An Added Meaning In Team

On Sundays, we have a lady that comes in the morning to be with my mother so that we can go to church. She gives my mother a shower; my mother enjoys her company very much. I’ve been concerned with my mother’s mobility lately and so, in turn, wondering how much longer she’ll be able to get into the shower. I decided today to talk with Stephanie about this. Stephanie shared some concerns and I was...

Too Many Straws for this Camel!

I suppose I needn’t apologize for being so long absent; every one of us has to do that which is before us or the day can’t happen. Right now I’m supposed to be composing a file that is to be submitted tomorrow in order for me to be evaluated for promotion to Full Professor; it’s no small task to complete the file and something pretty ridiculously heavy hangs in the balance. At the moment...

Respecting Yourself with Boundaries

Yesterday on Your Caregiving Journey, Holly, who cares for her husband, joined me for Table Talk to discuss boundaries. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post. Holly defined boundaries as a way to respect yourself. A great way to understand your boundaries is to ask yourself, “What’s best for me?” When you think and act from a place of what’s best for you, others...