Yesterday, The New York Times published the eulogy given by Steve Jobs’ sister, Mona Simpson. Her eulogy ended with these four sentences:
Steve’s final words were:
OH WOW. OH WOW. OH WOW.
Kinda gives you goose bumps, doesn’t it?
I was with my aunt when she died. As she died, one tear rolled down her cheek. (My aunt died before resolving rifts with one of her daughters; I’ve always thought the tear was one of regret.)
So, I’m wondering: Have you been with a family member when he or she died? If so, what was it like? Please share in our comments section, below.
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G-J
I was actually with both of my parents when they passed away. The circumstances surrounding my Mom’s death were difficult because she was conscious and had to be taken off the ventilator. However, due to that, my Dad made it clear there was no way he wanted to die that way.
My Dad’s passing was very peaceful. He was on hospice and was able to die just as he wanted, in his own bed. I was at his side when he took his last breath.
In both cases, I was glad that I was there for my parents.
kristin
I did not see my parents, stepfather or brother die, but from the age of 19-26, I worked as a nurse’s aide eves and nights in hospitals. I sat with the dying patients as often as possible, partly to comfort them and partly to learn. In almost all instances, the patients’ responses at the near-final moment were positive, and of an “Oh wow” nature. Some actually came out of comas to say something just before they died. Come to think of it, I was with my father 2 days before he died, and he’d been in a coma for several days. At one point when I was there, he woke and said, “Isn’t it funny how hard God makes you search for Him, when He is there all the time?” This from a lifelong agnostic! He immediately fell back into his coma. There were times, sitting with someone who was in a coma, when I could feel their spirit, or soul, leaving them. The body might hang on for a few minutes or hours, but the person was gone. These experiences banished forever my fear of death.
Jane
I was with my mother when she was pronounced dead. My mother had terminal lung cancer and she was only given a few months to live. She lived in New York state where I was born and raised and I live in Florida. When she had a biopsy to find out what the tumor was behind her eyes she started to hemorage (spelling is wrong). After they had her stable and she was out of surgery she tried to wake up but couldn’t so they put her in a drug induced coma until the swelling went down. During this time she had a stroke. We were on our way there when I found this out. When we were driving through PA I was sleeping and had a dream that she was sitting in the back seat of the car next to Nicole… it was so freaky. When I arrived at the hospital they told me that she was more than likely brain dead. I went to her room and sat with her and felt like she was watching me from outside the window. I knew that she was gone. The next morning we made the decision to take her off life support as she would have never wanted to be like that. I stood in the doorway hoping she would continue to breathe… she did not. I wish that I would have been holding her hand but I was a little creeped out by it which I don’t understand because I have her ashes on my fireplace mantle.
Trish
The Steve Jobs story did give me goose bumps. I’ve been with both my parents and father-in-law when they died. Each experience was different (mom had hospice and was at home; dad was in kidney failure and in the hospital; father-in-law had metastatic lung cancer and was at home). FIL slipped into a coma and had the worst of the “last moments” of all three. It was difficult to watch. Mom was in a coma and seemed to drift between here and “there.” I felt her hanging on, talked to her, reassured her and soon after she was gone. Hers was very similar to what I remember reading in the hospice literature. Dad drifted in and out (his decline was swift and took me by surprise). He actually popped up out of bed a couple of times and asked, “am I dying? am I dying?” It was clearly a surprise to him too. He also gave my daughter one of his sideways grins (as if to ask what mess he got himself into this time). The night before his funeral, I dreamt of him driving his red convertible in the sky arm held high, waving with a wide, wild grin on his face. The happiest I’d seen him.
This was tough, Denise, but I’m glad you asked the question. I’m interested in these experiences and thank you, G-J, Kristin and Jane (and the others to come) for sharing.
Bette
I was with my dad when he passed away. The doctors and nurses did really well at making sure he was comfortable. What was eye opening for me though, was how obvious it was when he left. You could tell he had moved on, by looking at him – his body looked empty, almost like a shell. Very obvious he had left us.
Kathy
Since nobody lives forever I don’t feel awkward in saying I had the pleasure to be with loved ones when they passed on.
My Grandmother, whom raised me, had cancer and I was able to be her caregiver the last 5 weeks of her life. We shared many things during that time and had lengthy important conversations and we laughed as much as we could. I asked her not to pass away on my birthday so she left at 11:20PM the night before. Just like her to stay true to her word but cut it close
I slept in the room with her. She had been unresponsive to us all for a couple of days and that night I tucked her in and laid down. She started making low mumblings and I walked to her side she was shivering. I covered her with a blanket, kissed her forehead, told her I loved her and to rest. She stopped shivering. I laid back down listening to her breathe and in a few mins she stopped and went home.
My actual mother who I was estranged from for many years came back into my life her last 10 yrs. Our history is long and rocky but she too had cancer. Oddly she has a stage 4 lung cancer with NO symptoms until her last 2 weeks. Pinky swear. By then it had spread to her liver. She came to my house with hospice on a Friday. My brother and sister from out of state arrived, my youngest (half) sister and myself were all congregated in one place with out mother for the first time in 32 yrs. My mother claimed “It’s a beautiful day”
My brother could only stay a couple of days as he was not able to be gone from work. He sat up all night long with her the night before he left. I took him to the airport on Tuesday morning, my 2 sisters took a trip to town for something when I returned and the hospice nurse arrived.
We were all concerned about the youngest sister because she was so close to our mother and the only parent she had.
As though my mother had planned it, she passed away knowing everyone was where they needed to be.
Brother at or on his way home, youngest sister gone with sister she hadn’t seen in many years and me with a nurse.
We were standing at mom’s bedside visiting about moms Beautiful Day when we heard the rattle. Nurse and I looked at each other knowing. I believe in my heart that my mom passed through the door and rattled it on the way out. Even though her body reacted to the cancer after that, the lines in her face disappeared. I reminded her that she was not alone, but I already knew she knew she wasn’t.
I find it somewhat comforting that she was with me when I came into the world and even after everything we went through, I was able to be with her when she left and I loved her.