Is There a Black Cloud Over my Head?

This past week I have been adjusting to my new life by myself. It’s a little akward but I believe everything happens for a reason.

I thought about the medication that was prescribed to me and whether I should take it. A lot of cons more then pros. Monday I was feeling sorry for myself. So many overwhelming things coming at me all at once that, when I came home, I sat here and I cried bitterly. I couldn’t believe how many tears I had in me but if felt like such a relief to let it out.

Yesterday I had to go to the dermatologist. It’s funny how I haven’t taken care of myself and gone to a doctor and now all of a sudden I am at the doctors two times in two weeks. I started getting what I thought were bites all over and it was so itchy I couldn’t stand it anymore. For me to go to a doctor, something had to be wrong. Well it appears that from the dye from the stress test last week, I probably had an allergic reaction. Initially I thought it was bug bites but the doctor¬†didn’t think so. I am also still waiting for the results from the stress test last week but have heard nothing. I figured if it was anything that serious I would have heard by now.

It also turns out that I may have to move again. I have been having a problem in my place since about the time I moved in and it has been handled very slowly and poorly. Here I just moved my Mom a few months ago to be closer to me and I believe the place she is at now is the best one that she has been at so far.

Between the expense of the doctors and a possible move, I am trying not to get anxious and freak out like I normally do and take it one step at a time.  I just wonder sometimes if there is a black cloud over my head.

Categories: Meryl's Blog

10s Comments

  1. Profile photo of Jane

    Hi Meryl:

    I’m so sorry. I know it sometimes feels like when it rains it pours and I know I have been there.

    I also have a tendency to worry and freak out. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers that everything will work out for the best.

    Jane ~ mom to Nicole, 17 yo, VSD, PAH, Eisenmengers (dx 1/22/10)
    BHJS (2/4/11)
    “You’re braver than you believe and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

    • Jane right now it feels like a monsoon but I am trying to not stress and deal with it slowly and not freak out. That is why I am blogging about it so I can vent and feel better which I appreciate your support!

  2. Profile photo of

    Meryl… you have the answer already. Like you said… one step at a time. Breathe in. Breathe out. Take another step…

    You’re not alone.

  3. Profile photo of Roaring Mouse


    As a kid I used to love to do this simple art project. Take maybe 4-5 bright colors and color thick strips or rows next to each other of the different colors and then over all of that color put the black crayon on it covering every bit of the bright color. Then you would go back and etch in a picture revealing all the pretty colors.

    You had all of these good things happening (bright colors) and now there’s a black cloud (black crayon) over them. Can you etch something pretty through that cloud?

    The house is quiet. Yes that takes some getting used to. (I didn’t know an 18 year old dog made so much noise!) But now you can focus and take time for your own thoughts.

    Yes, you have doctors and appointments to follow through on but this is good. You are taking care of yourself and making sure you are healthy for yourself and those around you. Keep at it! This is a good thing!

    Moving is not fun…but if you have to, take advantage that it will be a fresh perspective and something exciting for you.

    So go ahead etch through that black cloud! From everything I’ve read, you are a pretty creative person and I’m betting you are going to come back to us and tell us about something wonderful that happened!


  4. Profile photo of Denise

    Hi Meryl–I’m so sorry about the black cloud. UGH! It’s awful when you feel like you can’t get the break so the sun can come in.

    I think you are smart in taking one step at a time or even one moment at a time. One moment at a time, you’ll get just where you want to be. :)

  5. Profile photo of ejourneys

    Meryl, I am sorry all of this is happening at once. There are times when I’ve laughed at the statement “One day at a time,” because it really should be “One moment at a time” as Denise says. Breathing is good! (I also once took a used Rx bottle and changed its label to read, “This too shall pass,” so that I could look at it when I needed to.)

    I’m glad the “bites” were really just an allergic reaction. I hope things get better for you soon.

  6. Meryl, I’m sorry things are all piling up on you right now! I hope that black cloud has left and you have some sunshine peeking through. It’s awful to have all these things going on and then to not feel 100% physically yourself. I hope the allergic reaction has now subsided. Take care – sending hugs!

  7. Profile photo of Kathy


    The sun really is behind the cloud. I hope it passes by quickly for you to see and enjoy it.

    I understand your hesitation in taking your new meds.
    If your reference is to anti depressants, that is.
    I felt the same way the first time I had some prescribed to me.
    I only took them a couple of days.

    The next time I reached the lowest point and made the trip to the Dr I agreed to take them and after some time and adjusting to find the proper meds for me I was able to discontinue them after 2 yrs. I’ve not needed to retake them for at least 10 or 12 yrs :)
    These days, I realize the signs of depression and extreme stress much faster. I have found that caring for myself in the form of exercise has been a wonderful alternative to meds. I hope you will be able to find another alternative to your medication hesitation.

    As Denise said, not only take it one day at a time but sometimes, one moment at a time.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  8. I feel like so much has hap-pent to my life that people don’t want to bother with my family First my Husband loss his job after 42 yr and loss his insurance and pension the company went bankrupt and then he became depressed loss his father then a few months later loss his Mother,next he developed cancer and has operation now he cancer free for 3years, as of yesterday he was told the cancer has returned. our daughter had to have surgery in big hospital for juvenile glaucoma then I had my lung disease turn bad they wanted to do open lung biopsy I have ILD related to undefined mixed connective tissue disease then my only sister dies a hour after I went to see her she lives far away she wasn’t expected to die. then our house second home is rented for 4 weeks and totally destroyed by the renters and now my Daughter has to have surgery on her mouth . I feel so helpless and know something must be wrong If you can help me to feel what ma be going on please let me know at the end of my rope.


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