Dear Denise,

Easter will be the first holiday for us that my mother is not able to attend church. I’m struggling with how I should manage the day. I have an aide who could stay with her while my family and I attend services. But, then I wonder: Should I stay home with her instead? How do I make the right decision?

Hi,

Oh, this is a tough one–you truly want to be in two places at one time. You want the day to special for everyone in the family which is why it’s understandable that you feel guilty leaving your mom at home without you.

When faced with situations like this, I like to propel my thoughts into the future and ask, “Next year, when I look back at this Easter, what did I do that will make me feel proud?” The question helps me understand my priorities as well as my options.

My other suggestion would be to create a compromise of sorts. Although your mom can’t attend Easter service, she can be involved in other festivities throughout the weekend. Perhaps she watches as you make a special flower arrangement for your Sunday meal or helps you put together the Easter baskets. The goal is to spend quality time with your mom in a way that she can enjoy. In essence, you’re tailoring a festivity just for the two of you that works for just the two of you. Then, do the same with your family: Spend quality time together in a way that you all enjoy, such as attending church services together on Sunday.

I hope this helps. Wishing you and your family a very special holiday.

Stumped by an on-going struggle? Searching for meaning in your journey? You’re not alone! Family caregivers ask Denise M. Brown, Editor and Publisher, Caregiving.com, for her insights and suggestions to their caregiving conundrums. Have a question for Denise? Just e-mail her. Denise will do her best to answer questions within 24 hours.

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