2 responses to Webinar Follow-Up: What Answer Did You Hear?

1. 

   Old Billy said on April 26, 2012

   My question was about a bear and the answer was to keep moving forward.

   The supplemental answers that led to the conclusion are as follows….

   With trust in my life I know I can’t fix stupid or reason with insanity.

   With resilience in my life I can man up and move on.

   With acceptance in my life I am more aware.

   With confidence in my life I know I’m not infallible.

   Through meditation the solution is…

   Keep moving forward

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2. 

   ejourneys said on April 27, 2012

   My questions follow a theme. Namely, that of self-trust.

   For “Why” I came up with, “Why isn’t this (e.g., healthcare system, legal system) working?” (Accompanying question: “Am I missing something? If so, what?”) My main emotion here has been confusion, followed — more in the past than currently — by anger, as in: we’ve jumped through x number of hoops only to have the rug pulled out from under us/been sold a bill of goods/gotten bait & switch, etc. etc.

   The answer I came up with: Make it work our way first. (Cue Sinatra’s “My Way.”) Then at least we have our way, whether or not it “fits” anyone else’s model.

   For “How” I focused on the webinar’s “How do I know I’m doing what’s right?” (See “Am I missing something?” above.)

   Answer: Amidst all the voices (both in concert with and conflicting with each other), face the situation with honesty and heart. In other words, I have to dig deep and then trust my gut.

   For “When” I came up with, “When will I need to readjust (i.e., to worsening conditions)?” For me, this is the opposite of, “When will this end?” My partner and I are almost the same age (she’s 15 months older than I am). I don’t see this situation ending as long as we’re both alive, and that may be for decades yet. That introduces the corollary, “Will I be able to readjust?” This question brings my greatest fears to the fore.

   Answer: I must accept that I will be resilient enough to face whatever lies ahead. This is where my blind faith comes in, and also my need to live in the moment. Tease joy out of all of its hiding places.

   For “What” I chose, “What do I do?” (My main meditation/prayer has been “How do I proceed?” for just about all of my adult life.) The line that really spoke to me here was, “Allow yourself the chance to recover if you fail” and learn to start over. I’ve already done this several times — I compare it to stepping off a precipice and floating, rather than plummeting to the rocks below. I’ve been fairly good at doing this for myself, but caregiving is a collaboration, at the very least between myself and my partner/caree. The risks I take are our risks, and I need to accept and be comfortable with that.

   Answer: Do what feels instinctually right for the moment. This is a variation of my answer to the “How” question.

   Finally, the question that plagues me adds up to, “Have I gone native?” (I’ve written a bit about this in my “Two Realities” post.) Not insofar as folie a deux, but as in: Has my habituation to my partner’s behavior and mindset blinded me to any beneficial courses of action? (This is another variant of my “Am I missing something?” question.)

   My answer to, “Have I gone native?” is, “Just enough.” Enough to respect my partner’s sovereignty as a human being. Enough to facilitate our being a team.

   Is there a tradeoff, in that I’ve missed potential opportunities that could help us? I don’t know. Would pushing my partner harder to get certain things done prove more damaging than not pushing? In part, that has already been the case, and in part we’ve learned and healed from that.

   Would I apply that same pressure and take that same action if I felt not doing so would be more damaging? Heck, yeah. I guess that means I’ve “gone native” just enough, but not too much. And my bottom line is cultivating and nurturing the self-trust to believe that is the right answer.

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