Okay, So Here Is What’s Up!
May 3 2012 in Carla's Blog by carlaschuchman
Good May Morning everyone,
I just wanted to give a little update since my last post.
Mema, my mother-in-law, has been enrolled into an adult day care. She is loving it.
I happened across a flyer about it when I had Smokey at an appointment. I immediately called them and we went over there after the appointment. As a facility almost solely financed from Medicare or Medicaid, I was not impressed to say the least, but the people in charge were amazing. Loving and kind, very knowledgeable and so understanding and willing to help. She visited the next day and we got the paperwork done and she goes five days a week. I also received the paperwork for the $500 benefit toward her care needs.
Everyone’s suggestions have been wonderful. I am not through checking everything out, as I worked a lot of hours these past several weeks, but I go back to my last post when I can and research each suggestion.
Smokey is hanging in there. He has had lung CT scan, sonogram on his arteries, added medications for his lungs and now he must get his back checked out. That is what he is complaining about most, and his lungs of course. He has tried very hard to be active but he isn’t able to much.
I have felt like I have been grieving over him like we did our son. He isn’t the same man, he can’t do anything he use to do. He stays in bed a lot. From 230, massive big man whose bear hugs were most amazing, to 148 on a good day, hunched over and hanging on. I am always, always so very happy around him. Loving each day the Lord has blessed us to be together. More appointments next week. I will keep you updated.
Lastly I just want to vent if I may. Here in town we have a brother, and daughter, a few friends who don’t have to work and my help usually comes from someone not related to us who arranges her schedule to help me, including being late to her job (she is the manager).
I really got upset yesterday. I asked my family and my friend, family had a day off but said it was their only day off. Friend just didn’t give anything. I have a day off! Usually it is spent caring for Smokey and Mema, running errands, and having my grandchild (who I adore). Rarely do I get time when I don’t have something to do, that usually only comes when the exhaustion has set in and I literally fall out for a while.
Then when I wake I get a guilty feeling for a bit that I didn’t get my work done! It really makes me feel like I must get my stuff in order because when I get older, and hopefully not need care, but if I do, I better have a plan in place because there will be no one to help. I just don’t understand, but God does and I know He has a plan.
And now, I have decided to go back to school! Yes, lets add more to my to do list. LOL. I am excited about it–online to work toward my Art Therapist Degree.
So, that is my update. If there is anything I might be able to help or encourage someone else, please comment and let me know. And thanks so much for this platform at caregiving.com. I have back-up! God Bless You.
Carla
Old Billy said on May 3, 2012
“Their only day off?” I don’t have any family near by. My respite usually comes in the summer when we tour the country to visit family. I don’t know how I’d feel about a responce like that if I did have family near by, but I know what my father would have replied before he passed away because I heard the words so often growing up.
LIFE DOESN”T GIVE YOU A DAY OFF! Now get out there and get that grass cut/ snow shoveled/ garage cleaned out/ storm windows/ screens taken down.
If we didn’t get what ever responcibilities needed to be done their would be repercussions and those responcibilities divided amoungst all four sons included taking care of our Grandparents home.
I’m lucky, I don’t think any of my sibblings would have the nerve to respond in such a manner if I asked for help. They know there would be repercussions.
I wouldn’t give up, be sure to be specific in your requests and be sure they understand you are deserving of a break just as much as they are. If all else fails use guilt and make your requests known when in the presence of Mema & Smokey. Let them explain to them how they aren’t included in their “day off”.
Jan said on May 3, 2012
Don’t feel guilty, Carla. I know, I know… easier said than done. But really. Don’t. The abundant life we’ve been promised doesn’t come with guilt. And I know it’s hard to ask for help. Even if you get a “no,” keep on asking. Even the law of averages says they’re bound to say yes once in awhile. Then take the time you need to rest and recharge! If you’re tapped out, you have nothing to give, my friend.
Bette said on May 4, 2012
Hi Carla,
You are doing so much and balancing so much – guilt is tough, but rest in knowing you are providing the care that Mema and Smokey need. You have to remember you though to keep going for them.
I’m sorry about the asking for help. I hope you are able to find just the right person soon who can help you get the time you need. It’s hard to ask – I’m so glad you did. Please keep us posted – maybe you have to ask again…
Please take care, thinking of you and your family.
Denise said on May 4, 2012
Hi Carla–It’s good to hear from you! Congrats on school–that is awesome! I hope you’ll share your art with us. We are huge appreciators of the creative side of life.
I’m sorry, too, about the lack of involvement from others. It’s horribly frustrating and disappointing. Sometimes, it feels like it’s another thing that’s too much to bear. Please vent here any time–we do understand.
You are doing sooo much, with such love in your heart. I hope you can let go of the guilt. You don’t deserve it.
Let us know how next week goes when you can.
ejourneys said on May 4, 2012
Hi, Carla — Congratulations on school and on finding the adult day care! I am so glad Mema loves it — that makes such a big difference. And I hope Smokey’s appointments go well.
I have no family I’m in contact with and my partner doesn’t reach out to hers; I’m in touch through the occasional email and Facebook and that’s it. Everyone’s a long distance away. Any social life I have is few and far between, so we’re pretty much on our own over here, too — another reason I love this site!
Ditto to Denise — I’d love to see your art! And guilt is a bear. Please give yourself the credit you deserve for doing and for giving so much. It’s too easy to lose sight of everything we accomplish because we’re busy wrestling with our To Do list. We need I DID THIS, HUZZAH! lists.
*Hugs*
carlaschuchman said on May 7, 2012
Thank you thank you thank you everyone. This is a most awesome place to be encouraged and lifted up. I love that I can share and that yall share as well. I have found no other site like this and am making more a priority to stop in and check up on everyone! I will post this week. I do have a very busy week, but I will let you in on it soon. I will post pics of my artwork in my blog post as we go. Just a quick update. I got through the frustration of no help. After the anger chilled down, I just pulled up my big girl pants and took care of it. I must talk to these people soon though. People just don’t know what to do, or don’t want to offer, or don’t want to help. Not sure what it is. I will keep asking.
Smokey has been called in to the lung doctor today. We will be discussing a procedure they want to do to clean his lungs out. Give him some relief. We also meet with his regular doctor tomorrow. His back is hurting something awful and he is doing less and less. They must check it again! The meds are not working!
Mema has 2 doctor appointments, nothing major though, and I have my first day of class today and start a new job (self-employed artist/decorative painter/jack of all trades). Busy day. Keep yall posted!
Thanks so much! ❤