Juggling Way Too Many Balls in the Air
Aug 30 2012 in Caring for Three, Del's Blog by Del
(Editor’s Note: Today we welcome a new blogger, Del, who cares for her husband and helps her mom and mother-in-law from a distance. You can learn more about Del on her profile.)
I am just overwhelmed this afternoon. After spending the afternoon at the neurologist’s office with my husband, I came home to problems with both our moms.
I called my mom and she was yelling at me for not calling enough and telling me no one comes to see her, nobody cares and she has no food. (She lives in New York State and we live in Florida.) None of this is true. My aunt was there yesterday, my daughter and son took her out for a picnic on Sunday. It’s the guilt trip she puts on me.
I called my sister-in-law and she asked me to call my mother-in-law. I did. She is in a very sunny, nice assisted living home in Vermont. She kept crying and saying we stuck her there and she wants to die.
I feel so helpless.I want to be there for all of them. My husband, my mom and my mother-in-law but I can’t and I just feel awful.
Maria Keil said on August 30, 2012
Del,
I can totally relate to what you are going through. Up until 2 years ago when they both passed away 3 months apart. I helped my Grandfather and was my mentally handicapped Aunt’s guardian. My Grandfather was on dialysis for the last five years of his life and at times was very demanding of me and my time. Then four years ago my mentally handicapped Aunt (his daughter) fell and broke her hip. She had been living at a group home at the time of her fall. After she fell she had to move into a nursing home and my Grandfather could no longer deal with her medical concerns. There were times that I felt like I was being pulled in a million different directions and my life revolved around them. I dearly loved both of them and my Grandfather was at times more like a father to me. My Grandfather would call us and want us to come over that night as he had a idea to go over with us. At times we would drop plans that we had. I also had to be there for my Aunt as she non-verbal and was like a 2 year old. On top of this all I was also going to school to get my Bachelors Degree in Health Care Management. Hang in there and try to take some time for yourself!
Maria
Jo said on August 31, 2012
Del,
Welcome to the circus where we make the impossible and improbably are common place. I trust you’ll find Caregiving.com as a great place to vent as well as gain insight, a quiet place where you can pause and breath for a moment before diving into the next urgent task.
Good on you to recognize the source of all of the pulls on your emotions. I know you feel helpless right now but you’re one of the strongest people around, you’re a “caregiver” !
Del said on September 8, 2012
Wow, you were juggling! Things are not really good here right now. I haven’t been to bed yet. My husband had a heart attack. I had taken him to a routine Dr. appt. just for neurological results and the next thing I knew we were in the emergency room and they were running tests on him. He was admitted about 3 pm. I came home about 9 tonight but although I went to bed the sleep just wouldn’t come so I just got up. My house is as clean as a whistle! Just have to keep busy. I’m headed back to the hospital this morning. Today is my birthday and all he kept saying yesterday was how he had ruined my birthday. I told him my best birthday present he could give me is to be with me.
Denise said on September 8, 2012
Oh, Del, I’m so sorry about your husband. Please keep us posted.
Kathy said on August 31, 2012
Hi Del,
Welcome to caregiving.com
You do seem to have a few balls in the air.
Trying to keep them all up can be exhausting for sure.
I’m glad you found us here. This is where you can take a break for a min and regroup with your thoughts, get some insight from outside the box and realize how valuable you are as an individual as well as a caregiver. Sometimes we forget we are individuals
ejourneys said on August 31, 2012
Welcome to Caregiving.com, Del!
This is a place where you can be yourself.
You are there for your carees, as much as you can be. That includes the carees who don’t understand that you are there for them. But you are.
As Jo said, even though you feel helpless, you are very strong. You are doing the work.
This is a great place to vent. And breathe. And Be.
Denise said on September 1, 2012
Hi Del–I’m so glad you started blogging.
You seem like such a kind person. Please know that you are enough, even from a distance. You do enough simply because you are such a kind and caring person. They may want more–but you are already enough.
Please keep us posted.
Bette said on September 1, 2012
Hi Del!
Welcome.
I’m sorry for the challenges that at times seem to come all at once. Take them one at a time. Your husband, mother and mother-in-law are each so fortunate to have you on their side.
I’m so glad you found Caregiving.com. You will find understanding and support here. You can find solutions to the many concerns and feelings that come with caregiving.
Be sure to remember ‘you’ in the mix. It’s hard to do, but each of the people you care for will benefit because you remembered.
I’m anxious to get to know each of you better – thank you for sharing here. Please keep us posted on how you are doing, and maybe …on one thing you did just for you this week-end. (:
Meryl said on September 11, 2012
Del, I am sorry to hear all this..you are definitely juggling with a lot! As Bette said, take some time for you which eventually will help you become less overwhelmed. Believe me it is definitely easier said than done when it comes to “me time”
I hope that everything goes well with your husband.
It’s hard to be there for everyone all at once so do the best that you can.