Tell Us: What Advice Would You Give Your Before-Caregiving Self?
Aug 23 2012 in Denise's Blog, Tell Us by Denise
Just about every day, I see a celebrity or blogger post their answers to this question, “What advice would you give your 21-year-old self?”
Certainly, the turning of time changes us. As the years pass, we grow into wiser beings. I also know that intense experiences, like caregiving, leave their mark. We gain insights and perspectives that can help us move through life with more answers than questions.
So, I’d love to know: What advice would you give to your before-caregiving self? What do you know now that you wish you knew then?
Please share in our comments section, below.
Reminders:
- Deadline to submit your art for our Second Annual Caregiving Art Show is September 1. Details and entry form is here.
- We’re launching a new segment on Your Caregiving Journey–a Caregiving Quiz Show. Want to be a contestant? Send me an email. You can read more here.
- We Break for Summer starts Sunday! Be sure to stop by Caregiving.com every day for a chance to win.
Related Articles
- Tell Us: What’s the Worst Caregiving Advice You’ve Received? (caregiving.com)
- Eleven Years Later, Caregiving Is Still Difficult (and Perhaps Getting More Difficult) (caregiving.com)
- New Talk Show, Chat, We Break for Summer (caregiving.com)
- In Six Words, How Do You Define Joy? (caregiving.com)
- Enter Your Art in Our Second Annual Caregiving Art Show (caregiving.com)
- What’s Your Gold Medal Event in the Caregiving Olympics? (caregiving.com)
Trish said on August 23, 2012
I would advise myself to be more aware of what was going on with Robert so I could have stepped in sooner to help. I also would have advised myself to buy a house that had bedrooms & bathrooms downstairs so Richard could have a place to rest without dealing with stairs when his back pain flairs up and to accomodate Robert when he stays with us and/or Richard’s mom if she wanted to stay over. Better yet, I should have just bought a one story. Ugh. Hindsight makes me depressed!
Pegi said on August 23, 2012
Enjoy all the little moments life offers. Don’t stress the small stuff. Take time out of work to play. Spend happy times with those you love. Exercise, exercise and than again. Keep your mind and body both fit. You will need the strength as you age; maybe just for yourself or perhaps as in our case as a caregiver. Keep your spiritual tank full. And as the song goes “if you have a chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.”
Janet McCaskill said on August 23, 2012
I definitely would suggest that the caregiver get assistance to come at least 3 times a week for at least 3 hours to relieve the caregiver. I also would suggest to expect the unexpected and never hold ideals for the caregiver or the patient or expectations for the patient. Each patient has his/her own issues and problems as well as their own personality so expectations on the part of the caregiver only cease to create tension.
Do something every day to make you and the patient smile. In fact, do this as much as possible each day. Happy times create a happy patient (and, in turn, a happy caregiver!)
L'Tanya said on August 23, 2012
I would say to plan for just in case scenarios. Plan financially and especially to plan for stress relief. If I wasn’t sure what I would need, I’d say to find more experienced caregivers to talk with.
Chris said on August 23, 2012
Simply this: Don’t lose sight of your individuality.
Jo said on August 24, 2012
“it will be ok”
I knew even as a child that I was going to become my parents caregiver. The age spread in our family is so great (11 yrs between me and the next sibling, 13 yrs between me and the oldest) it wasn’t hard to see the writing on the wall… and it terrified me. At the time I felt that it was so unfair, that I was going to be robbed of life, that I would never get to leave home. Nothing could have been further from the truth except the fact that I did end up as my parents caregiver, and it has been an honor and blessing to be one.
ejourneys said on August 24, 2012
Hey, pre-caregiving Ejourneys! That confusing behavior you’re seeing from your partner is not your imagination. It’s a sign that something is wrong.
She’ll fight you on it. It’s still a sign that something is wrong.
You won’t be able to do much about it, except to carry on. There will come a time when you can do more, but for now, know this:
1. Trust your instincts. This is a new layer to an old challenge. You think you’ve mastered the challenge. You haven’t. But keep faith in your judgment and apply the skills you’ve already learned to this new wrinkle. Practice those skills especially with your partner, and with health care professionals.
2. This is her disorder talking. You have to detach. Don’t take things personally. It looks like she’s abdicating responsibility and henpecking you, but there’s deeper stuff going on. Furthermore, she is unaware of it and of her effect on you and others. She thinks she’s fine. It’s not denial. It’s part of her disorder.
3. Detaching doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t mean you don’t care. It will help both of you.
4. Know that you are a caregiver. You’re not exaggerating anything. Own the term.
5. Let go of what you can’t do and can’t change. If others judge you for it, that’s their problem.
6. Know that you are not alone. There’s help out there. Look for it. Talk to people. Repeat this certainty to yourself until you feel it in your bones.
7. You can do this. You already are. As with anything else, you learn as you go. And if you find out anything that I’ve missed, just shoot me a message.
Bob said on October 2, 2012
Thank you Ejourneys. Your post was very helpful to me as I’m facing a very difficult time in taking care of myself while caring for my wife. Sincerely, Bob
Jane said on August 25, 2012
I am not giving this question much thought so this is off the cuff but I will think about it more. I would have definitely been more proactive with Nicole’s health. There were lots of times that I wasn’t satisfied etc. with answers or lack of answers from doctor’s, I also saw things wrong and either thought Nicole was being over dramatic or just didn’t think anything of it. I still do this a little bit because I am intimidated and/or scared of what the doctor/nurse will think etc.
Hugs:o)
Jane ~ mom to Nicole, 17 yo, VSD, PAH, Eisenmengers (dx 1/22/10) BHJS (2/4/11)
“You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know.”