Oct 21 2012 in Meryl's Blog by Meryl
Yesterday I went for my first counseling session. The therapist was very sweet and I felt comfortable enough to talk to her. She is affiliated with the nursing home so she has a better understanding of what goes on there. I have to say for my first time going in a really long time, I was surprised that I did not cry as much as I thought I would. I need to vent. I need to be strong and I need to learn how to deal with these situations better.
For me to go for counseling meant that I needed to ask for help. I never ask for help as I am usually the one who gives it. It’s hard enough having to deal with my mothers declining health all alone but there have been some horrible turn of events that took place earlier this year and the domino effects that are taking place now which I have been trying to push away in my mind but apparently I haven’t succeeded.
My mom and I have never been close due to things that have happened many years ago. Some families are lucky to have that bond, others aren’t. I sometimes viewed being her caregiver as a burden but recently I realized that I was the lucky one and that I can let go of the grudges that held us apart for many years. I still don’t like dealing with this on my own but I know I am doing the best that I can in a situation that is not an easy one.
The bottom line is that you have to take care of yourself as well. Something that I never did as I always took care of everyone else first. Two weeks ago I finally went to a doctor that I haven’t been to in years for a checkup and yesterday I went to the dentist which I haven’t been to in months.
I am going to use my counseling sessions to my advantage. I am learning that you shouldn’t feel guilty about helping yourself to have a better life. I can’t be of any help to my mom if I am no help to myself.