Helping Myself
Oct 16 2012 in Meryl's Blog by Meryl
Today I made the decision to go for counseling to try and get a grip on all that’s been overwhelming me. Mom actually asked her therapist at the home if she knew of someone who could help me since she knew I haven’t been dealing with all this that well. I made the call and will hopefully be able to see the therapist this Saturday.
Mom has been doing much better but emotionally I am a mess. I can’t sleep and I cry all the time. This bout of depression scares me. I don’t like feeling helpless or like I am a victim. The part that scared me was that I always like to go out and dance to help myself get out of my head and relieve my stress. This past Saturday I had no desire to go anywhere and stayed home and cried myself to sleep. I feel like I am withdrawing from everything and if I can’t help myself, there is no way I can help mom.
Between my mom’s health and some other things that have happened this past year, I think it’s time to get this out so I can handle things better.I am hoping that this is the answer and I can get a better outlook on things.
G-J said on October 16, 2012
Meryl, here’s my first thought when I read this, “YEAH!!!!” Good for you, Meryl! I’m proud of you for taking this step!
Meryl said on October 16, 2012
Thanks G-J. I can’t handle this in my head anymore and I don’t have my brother who helps me at all so I need to control this before it controls me more. I remember being here all the time and encouraging others and I can’t even face what’s going on with myself, let alone my mom. I will get there though and be back better than before..
Bob said on October 16, 2012
Bravo Meryl……good for you!!!!!!
Jan said on October 16, 2012
Good for you, Meryl! Wise choice. You need to take care of yourself. You are worth it, and you deserve it. And you’re absolutely right… if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to care for your Mom. Try your best not to isolate and withdraw. I hope you have a great appointment and that you’ll be able to see things from a new perspective soon. Hang in there…. you’re going to be fine! Keep us posted.
Denise said on October 17, 2012
I think this is just terrific, Meryl. Good for you! Let us know how it goes on Saturday.
Meryl said on October 17, 2012
Thank you all. I feel better already knowing that I don’t have to carry this guilt or anger around with me anymore and I have a place to vent. Even though I know I can vent here which has been very helpful to me, I need the one on one assistance to move forward as not only has moms health affected me and the fact I am handling this all along but also the downward spiral from losing everything back in March from the 2 moves.
My insurance lets me go for 30 visits a calendar year so I can cram in a lot of visits till the end of this year and then go sporadically next year. The woman sounds like a really nice doctor and comes highly recommended.
My first appointment is this Saturday at 9am.
I do plan on bouncing back from all of this. I am a strong person but sometimes even the strong people become weak at certain times.
ejourneys said on October 18, 2012
Good for you, Meryl! I am so glad you are fighting back against the abyss.
In 2009 I walked into our county mental health center and said, “I need help.” I was beside myself and was a walking faucet, felt weak as a kitten. I didn’t understand what was happening with my partner and I was desperate for tools.
Therapy gave me the validation I craved, and little by little I started building myself back up.
I am so proud of you for taking this step.
Trish said on October 18, 2012
Meryl, I’m so happy you are doing this for you and love that your mom was helping you get there. Good for you for taking advantage of the insurance! You deserve this for yourself. Take care!