Wallowing, Ramblings and Blessings
Oct 9 2012 in Caring for Spouses, Pegi's Blog by Pegi
The last couple weeks have really been a strain. This whole insanity of our community closing, how to sell a house that has to be relocated, all challenging to say the least. Relocation is a possibility, many of the other local communities are offering special packages to our residents. None where we would be near enough to continue with his team of doctors.
Every day hubby comes up with a new plan. Either changing his mind on the move near our son and his family in NC, wanting to stay in FL but not in another manufactured home community which after seven years, he announces that he hates this style living. This right after he tells me if he can’t go out on his golf cart and visit his friends then that takes away “50%” of his freedom.
He’s been bruising my brain daily. I know the major reason is that he feels there isn’t much he can do from the wheelchair. Last time we moved, he did all the organizing and packing while I was at work. Now he can’t. It got so bad over the weekend I finally lost control and ended up in tears, screeching “I hate this too!” and went to my room to wallow.
More importantly, we’re still waiting for the insurance company to decide if they’re going to give him the six more weeks of therapy. He’s so close to those few steps with a walker. If he could just get that far with the safety net of a therapist guiding him, I have no doubt he will continue to push himself. This is my priority, his health. All this nonsense cannot be doing him any good. His ankles swell, he sleeps too much. At least with the therapy sessions we had order, routine and he felt hopeful. Nothing is making much sense these days. I think I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole.
But then, when and where you least expect it, you find that the kindness and generosity of others is bountiful. While chatting with the cashier at the grocery store today, I mentioned my husband’s slow recovery from spinal cord surgery. She seemed genuinely concerned. As I often find myself doing these days, I asked her if she prayed, would she please say a prayer for him.
She looked at me with one of the brightest smiles I have ever seen. She came out from behind the register, took my arm and said the most beautiful prayer for healing I have ever heard. Her simple gesture and strong faith brought tears to my eyes. Leaving the store, I felt renewed, refreshed and blessed. This women’s faith helped to restore my faltering hopes of better days to come. Thank you Lord, she was just what I need today.

Denise said on October 9, 2012
Ah, Pegi, uncertainty sucks. I don’t know how else to say it. It’s just awful. And, uncertainty which constantly reminds you of all the changes that have happened that you don’t want… Well, that’s just horrible.
I love that you ask for what you need. Maybe you could ask Jim for what you need?
Kathy said on October 9, 2012
He’s an on time God!
And what you need for your future will be on time too even though it doesn’t feel like it and the future looks uncertain and scary.
{{{hugs}}} and prayers
ejourneys said on October 10, 2012
It’s so hard to keep your footing when the ground keep shifting beneath you.
I’m sorry for all the bruising (the kind that isn’t seen) that’s been happening.
All the vacillations are crazy-making, but I also think they’re natural. They’re like trial balloons, trying a decision on for size and exploring it, looking for a stable place when so much is in flux. Sometimes all one can do is ride the shifts and try to stay loose.
{{{Hugs}}} and prayers from me, too.
Kare said on October 10, 2012
Pegi~ How wonderful that God put that wonderful lady in your path! The days of not knowing can be so difficult to maneuver.
Bette said on October 13, 2012
Hi Pegi,
I’m so sorry for the changes that can come daily. I’m grateful that this lady was put in your path at just the right time. God has a way of knowing what we need before we do (:
I hope for answers for you soon. Thank you for sharing this very special story.