I’m Feeling Lost…
Nov 10 2012 in Caring for Grandparents by Bethany
(Editor’s Note: We welcome a new blogger, Bethany, who also cares for her fiance. You can read more about Bethany on her profile here.)
A week ago yesterday, I lost my grandfather. He was an amazing person, he was my best friend. I’ve been his caregiver since the beginning of October when he was diagnosed with prostate and bone cancer.
Since my Poppy passed, I have been nothing but an emotional wreck. It all just happened soo fast. I’m really just lost for words to be honest, I don’t think it’s really quite hit me yet. It seems like he’s just out playing golf or poker with his buddies. I mean, if I’m like this now, how am I going to be come the holidays? They’re right around the corner.
I need to know how I can cope with all of this; I cant’ stand the pain. 
ejourneys said on November 10, 2012
Welcome to Caregiving.com, Bethany. This is a wise and supportive community that I truly believe has helped save my sanity. I care for my partner, who has MS that acts like traumatic brain injury.
I am so sorry for the loss of your grandfather. There is no wrong way to grieve. It takes its own time and its own pace. (I have lost my grandmother, both parents, a close friend, and a cousin I called my sister.)
Sometimes one has to just live one moment at a time (sometimes “one day at a time” is too ambitious). Give yourself that time and that space. Be gentle with yourself. You are coping, even though it may not feel as though you are.
Denise said on November 10, 2012
Hi Bethany–I’m so sorry about your grandfather. He sounds like a wonderful man and friend. It must feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself.
I would echo EJ’s suggestions. You also can read how others deal with their grief on our sister site, Aftergiving.com: http://www.aftergiving.com/
I’m so glad you were there for your grandfather when he needed you. Your memories of caring for him will become your life’s treasure.
Bette said on November 10, 2012
Hi Bethany,
Welcome to Caregiving.com. I cared for my mother; she passed away in July of this year. I found Caregiving.com three years ago and now blog on Aftergiving.com.
I’m so sorry about your grandfather. It’s such a frustrating feeling to want to talk with someone who you shared with for so long. Be very patient with yourself – it’s been such a short time.
Denise here at Caregiving.com and Aftergiving.com suggested to me a while back, that I talk to my mother anyway – and, this really has helped me. I tell her things about the kids or worries I’m having. It feels better to voice these things out loud. And in caring for your grandfather as you did, I’m sure you have very special memories, unique to you and him.
As time moves on you may find the memories that make you smile come to your thoughts more frequently – ones that he would want you to remember. It was so special that you were able to care for him. Rest in those memories as well.
Your worry about the holidays is so understandable. We’re changing what we usually do for Thanksgivng and Christmas a bit – I’m told the first holidays are the hardest. Maybe creating something a little different for you on those days would help you also.
Thank you so much for sharing with us and I look forward to getting to know you and your family.
Jane said on November 10, 2012
Hi Bethany:
I am so sorry for the loss of your grandpa. I know how difficult it was for me when I loss my mom almost 15 years ago.
The holidays are the hardest. I would echo other suggestions about reading how others cope with grief. I would also suggest writing down your feelings either on this site or privately for your eyes only.
My thoughts and prayers are with you in your loss.
Hugs:o)
Jane ~ mom to Nicole, 18 yo, VSD, ASD, PAH, Eisenmengers (dx 1/22/10) BHJS (dx 2/4/11)
“You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
Look me up on facebook at jbones1961@cfl.rr.com.
roaringmouse said on November 11, 2012
Bethany,
I ran into Caregiving.com over a year ago. These are the most supporting and uplifting people I know. Nothing but encouragement and compassion occurs here. I am now on the Aftergiving.com side too as my husband passed away only this July after a 4 day stint in the hospital. Here’s a couple of basics that I’ve quickly learned:
There are no rules on the proper way to react to someone’s passing.
No one can take away the wonderful memories you have of that person.
Sharing …in whatever form…personal, writing, a site like this…is therapeutically good.
(My own personal rule:) My hubby taught me alot…it would be a shame not to enjoy, appreciate and use those gifts that he gave me. Therein…lies my ability to smile everyday.
Your grandfather sounds like he was a wonderful man.
The Roaring Mouse
Jo said on November 11, 2012
Bethany,
Welcome to an awesome community of men and women. In the midst of pain, we tend to think that (a) we’re all alone (b) no one has it as bad as I (c) no one else could possibly understand. Caregiving.com is a great antidote to all three, especially that first point, you are not alone.
Reading your profile it is obvious you’ve had challenges already to overcome as well as having accepted the privilege but still a challenge of caring for your fiance and then your grandfather. The lost of a loved one on top of everything else didn’t make things easier did it?
Among the many memories that you take with you moving forward is that you were there, not that other didn’t as well, not that what you offered was perfect… but YOU were THERE! You were a caregiver to your grandfather. It is so common to ask, “what if… if I had only… I should have…” When those doubtful, questioning thoughts and feelings arise, but remember you where, you did what you could.
The others have given great advise regarding the holidays. Allow yourself the freedom to do something different, to do what YOU need to.
Enjoy Caregiving.com; read often; post when you can AND more importantly, when you need to.
Bethany said on November 11, 2012
I just want to say Thank You for everyone’s help. I’m so glad i joined this site. Thank You for all your support. I’m looking forward to meeting new friends.
God Bless!
Bethany