Nov 27 2012 in Caring for Spouses by Bob
My wife, who is my caree, and I were sharing the other day the gaping wounds we feel in our hearts from our lives taking a 360 degree turn from the life we had before she became severely disabled from four back surgeries; critical illness neuropathy; and a Parkinsonian Movement Disorder.
We concluded that we need to relate to each other in new ways that heal the pain; fill the emptiness; and not let what’s happened overcome us.
She wondered if anyone else on our site is experiencing anything like this. I said, “In all likelihood.”
So we begin our journey of learning how we can relate to one another in healthy, enriching ways in which we respect each others needs, wants, etc. We have been talking more openly of the myriad feeling of the issues we have faced: Me having to make the horrible choice of having her placed in a nursing home; facing the physical changes that have occurred for her psychologically/emotionally; my still being on disability; me having to live with family; getting our house ready for foreclosure; fears about the future; and a thousand other topics.
We laughed for a moment as we talked about all the things we have been through in our lives personally and together. We thought of writing a book called “And Then…,” a humorous look at the constant challenges we face one after another in life and how we face them. I want to start working it with her.
On Thanksgiving, I picked up dinner from our favorite restaurant. A funny Thanksgiving story is that I went to put my wife’s cheesecake in the patient refrigerator/nutrition room with the combination an aide gave me, only to wind up getting locked in because the lock mechanism went south. I was locked in for an hour. I stayed calm as a cucumber. I had my cell phone on me so I could call the nursing station, thank God. I called my wife’s cell and told her how I was locked in the nutrition room. She was concerned and then we both laughed. Finally the director came with some tools and I was able to dismantle the lock from within. Cool, I thought, proud as a peacock. So that’s my funny story.
Would love to hear People’s experiences of what I will call the “gaping wound of the heart” phenomenon.
Got to go. Thanks for reading….Bob