Healing Through the Holidays

Christmas_TreeI have been away for some time. My days have been so full!

After my Arizona son’s wedding, my Awesome Hubby had his hernia surgery (it was planned that way). He hasn’t had any surgeries other than wisdom teeth so I wasn’t sure what kind of patient he’d be. We got in and out fine, Elly hovered over us and it was nice for her to have someone to fuss over while I was at work. Two weeks later, I had ankle surgery which also was planned. The recovery time was to be about four months but turned out to be an extra muscle in my ankle that was the problem and not a tendon tear. So, I am on a quicker road to recovery. A week after my ankle surgery, both Awesome Hubby and LivingRoom Son had to have emergency dental surgeries on the same day at the same time. We are now all home recovering, no more work days until January. I am very thankful.

Elly has really been pushing our buttons lately and I am sure it’s nothing new but maybe because we are exhausted and recovering, we are having trouble responding positively. I am sure we are experiencing Mrs. Dementia but not only that but an overabundance of controlling behaviors towards us. We are trying to take deep breaths, shrugging off those frustrating comments and continue on.

I long for some meaningful type of communication so we can work together. It’s interesting to hear how she realizes that she’s done something wrong but doesn’t recognize that she is the problem. Maybe someone else can relate to this situation. My Grandmother has always been a controlling person in the family but I think we experienced it very subtly until the last couple of years. I remind my Awesome Hubby and LivingRoom Son that this isn’t the Grandma (great-Grandma) that we’ve known. I get caught in the middle of the frustrations. I was wondering if a social worker or counselor would be helpful to try to help her understand, but then I realized that Elly doesn’t respond appropriately to our conversations and probably wouldn’t with someone else either! I admire those who continue to do this kind of caregiving for a profession and for a longer time than we anticipate.

I miss the Christmas decorations, music and entertaining that we have done before. I am guessing Elly is fearful of something as she has begun muttering under her breath again, maybe reassuring herself a lot more during the day. I pray that my compassion will be increased as it continues to be stretched in these days. I don’t want to push especially when she seems to be experiencing discomfort and won’t communicate what that is. We will have some family gatherings for Christmas Day but mostly quiet this week. Awesome Hubby and I will be traveling to Pasadena next Sunday to take in the Rose Parade at the invitation of wonderful friends who live very close to the route. It will be a short trip but hopefully refreshing!

I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas, along with prayers for healing rest and miracles for each of our families in the New Year.

2 thoughts on “Healing Through the Holidays

  1. Avatar of DeniseDenise

    Hi EG–Caregiving does change the holiday, doesn’t it? It seems to force a different kind of celebration, which can seem really quite unfair. And, when it feels unfair, it can be really hard to feel compassion. You have such a good heart.

    I’m so glad you are taking a break. There’s nothing like a change of scenery.

    I hope a different kind of holiday magic settles into your house. :) Thank you so much for sharing your days with us. Merry Christmas!

    Reply
  2. Avatar of ejourneysejourneys

    “It’s interesting to hear how she realizes that she’s done something wrong but doesn’t recognize that she is the problem. Maybe someone else can relate to this situation.”
    *waves hand wildly in the air* Me, me, pick me! :D
    My partner does this a lot — I think it’s part neurological and part emotional. My take on it is that for a long time she has needed to be “perfect” and has needed to control her world. Any deviation from that heightens her sense of persecution, i.e., the “problem” is imposed on her from outside. She recognizes the black-and-white thinking, but only up to a point.

    Wishing you and yours quick and good healing and a Merry Christmas! Have a wonderful, rejuvenating respite.

    Reply

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