Hogtying Mama
Dec 20 2012 in Caring for Parents by lisa_renea
In an earlier post, I wrote about my mother’s Rheumatoid arthritis and how it’s hard for her to catheterize herself. Well, today she had an appointment with her rheumatologist. But she decided this morning not to go even though she needed to see how the meds are affecting her bloodwork and if the medicine is helping. So, our conversation this morning was:
“Are you going to the doctor?” I asked.
“No, I don’t feel like it,” Mom responded.
“Oh, then shouldn’t you be going?”
“No, I’ll go after Christmas.”
Oy. She’s hurting but she doesn’t want to go to the doctor. She says her meds aren’t working and if they don’t work soon she’s going to quit taking them. They may not work; I don’t know because obviously I’m not her. However, when she DOES take them she seems to move better and her mood seems to be better.
I get that she doesn’t like to take medicine. Neither do I, but if I didn’t, nerve pain would make it hard for me to walk. And guess what? I like being able to walk. I also like my mother being able to walk and not in constant pain. Sometimes I try to force her to bend to my will because I love her and want to see her health improve. Boy, that works really well. But it’s also tiresome that she doesn’t take good care of herself and we play the same old game over and over of:
“Yes you will.”
“Oh no I won’t!”
Anyone else with this problem? Or anyone who might want to help me hog tie Mama?
Related Articles
- Rheumatoid Arthritis Is Not “Just” Arthritis (caregiving.com)
Goldfish said on December 20, 2012
Deal with this every single day. With doctor’s appointments, with eating and drinking, with everything. Lately, mom’s been dealing with a blister on her eye (the eye doesn’t close properly due to childhood Bell’s Palsy) – it looks terrible and apparently hurts.
“Mom, lets make an appointment, your eye looks awful.”
“NO! They always give me the same medicine, I’ll use the old one.”
“It needs to be looked at.”
“You should have seen it three days ago! It’s better now! You don’t care!”
I guess the insult was thrown in there for flavor. I mentioned it again today and she responded with what I can only describe as interpretive dance. A wild swinging of arms and head shaking.
If you figure out how to hogtie your mom, send me some extra rope and instructions.
Trish said on December 22, 2012
Renea, It is difficult to get people to do what we want! Luckily, I don’t usually have this problem with my brother (he’s very compliant about medication and doctor visits but can get stubborn about other things). It’s a balance between what we know is best and our caree’s need for independence and autonomy. Sometimes what we know is best doesn’t win out and that is so frustrating! Hogtying is definitely an option.
At least your mom is saying she will go after Christmas instead of “never.” Maybe that’s her way of having some control over her situation and her body. Hope your Christmas is happy and as pain free as possible! Take care.
Denise said on December 22, 2012
Hi Renea–It’s so frustrating. My dad has horrible allergies, which lead to well, just more horrible-ness (a cough that will curl your toes). I’ve laid the ground work for a visit to the allergist and made some progress (“I’m thinking about it,” he said on Wednesday). I’ve found that we both do better if I look at this as a process. I suggest, we discuss. We move on. I follow-up, we discuss. We move on.
Hang in there. !!
ejourneys said on December 22, 2012
Hi, Renea — I can relate, given my partner’s conspiracy theories about doctors.
I’m thankful there are a couple she still seems to trust. They are worth their weight in gold.
Like Denise, I view it all as a process and resign myself to the fact that there’s only so much that I can do.
EllysGdaughter said on December 23, 2012
Hi Renea, I can understand how frustrating this is for you! My Grandma is so stoic and hates to take her pills. At 92, I am pretty much letting her call the shots except that if she refuses pills then she knows the doctor will drop her as a patient – my plan is to put her on Hospice at that point. For us, that is the discussion. . . I have negotiated 6 month visits instead of the 3 month ones
It is very tiring and drawn out process. I hope you can find comfort in that your mom is living the way She wants to live!! Sometimes that’s the best we can do unless it’s life threatening type decisions, of course!