When Do You Get Jealous?
Jan 10 2013 in Your Caregiving Journey by Denise
This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Anna Stookey joined me for our monthly chat. Today, we discussed times during caregiving when you may feel jealous. For instance, your caree can’t stop complimenting the home health aide or generously expresses gratitude to the CNA. For you, well, your caree just seems disinterested. Ugh, that hurts.
Anna shared a wonderful reminder: It may just easier for your caree to be kind and grateful to professionals like the CNA or home health aide. It’s almost like they have a first date every time they interact; your caree will be on his or her best behavior. With you, because of your shared history, your caree may either protect his or her vulnerability (making it hard to say “thanks”) or simply be very comfortable being just who they are (including, perhaps, crabby).
That doesn’t mean that this doesn’t hurt. You feel rejected, like you’re failing. Anna encouraged us to keep our value, knowing that the relationship a caree has with others isn’t about us. Caregiving is about letting go, Anna said, and letting go so your caree can enjoy a good relationship with others on the care team is good.
And, Anna said, simply being with your caregiving is incredibly valuable. You also have a choice: Who do you want to be when you interact with and care for your caree?
I wonder: Do you feel jealousy toward others, whether it be a family member or a professional, like a CNA? How did you work through the feelings? Please share your thoughts and experiences in our comments section, below.
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ejourneys said on January 11, 2013
I come at this from the opposite angle. I would love my partner to bond with other people. I would love for her to have her own friends and her own attachments. Years ago when I worked triple shifts she wanted us to join a group for a hike. I was pooped, but I encouraged her to go. She enjoyed herself and I was thrilled. I would be thankful for anyone who can be a part of her life, rather than just me, even if she seems friendlier toward them. Ralph Blum has a great interpretation of the Rune Gebo (Partnership): “Drawing this Rune is an indication that Partnership in some form is at hand. But you are put on notice not to collapse yourself into that union. For true Partnership is only achieved by separate and whole beings who retain their uniqueness even as they unite. Remember to let the winds of Heaven dance between you.” I still apply that however I can in our caregiver-caree relationship.
Linda said on February 3, 2013
My husband Tim has Early Onset Alzheimer Disease. We are in our late 50′s. Tim goes to Adult Day Care twice a week so I can have some time for myself. I visited the day care for a Christmas get together they had for the families. When we got there, Tim went off and talked to his friends and was very happy and friendly.He left me alone in the corner. I can’t seem to get him to be that happy and friendly around myself and 8 yr old grandson that lives with us. I felt very sad and jealous. After I thought about it for awhile, I realized that we would someday be separating when I have to let him go into assisted living. That it is probably good to gradually start living separate lives. His transition into his new life in the assisted living should be easier because of the experiences of the day care.