Because We Need Help, Are We Burdens?
Feb 5 2013 in Your Caregiving Journey by Denise
Right after our appearance on HuffPostLive, Richard (@kreisler) and I connected for an episode of Your Caregiving Journey. You can listen to our show via the player, below.
During our show, we discussed the word “burden.” Because we need help–either because give care or because we receive care–are we burdens? We shared our perspective on burdens, asking for help and being able to help. @g-j, @kathy and @thpurplejacket joined us in the chat room to share their perspectives.
So, I’d love know: How do you feel about caregiving as it relates to burden? When do you feel like a burden? Please share your thoughts in our comments section, below.
Listen to internet radio with Denise Brown on Blog Talk Radio
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@gail said on February 6, 2013
Hi all, I just listened to the blogtalkradio between Denise and Richard! VERY good! (I couldn’t figure out how to get onsite during the show! VERY tech savy I know!)
About being a burden etc.? I sometimes view myself as a burden – like Mom does most of the driving. (I hate to drive and her driving test is coming up at the end of Feb. and needs to pass the written, driving, and eye tests. She is worried she’ll fail. I say then I’ll drive us.) I hate driving though.
Mom doesn’t care if my two sisters keep her informed about their lives and I am hurt to be left in the dark about their plans together, etc. without us. (Even though we most probably wouldn’t be able to participate? I want to KNOW!
The issue like their upcoming visit over this weekend? We are both glad they are coming. We are looking forward to it. But I think they should come about twice a year anyway. (Mom says I’m never satisfied.
And then again? As Richard says, “No one can do it all!” But? Sometimes I think they want me to “do it all” so they don’t have to think about it “at all.”
ejourneys said on February 6, 2013
Great show! As I said in yesterday’s all-member chat, “burden” is a loaded word for me. I grew up with almost daily reminders (some internal, some external) that I was a burden to my parents, so the last thing I ever want to do is make someone feel that they are a burden to me. That said, I was extremely frustrated, angry, and confused in the early years of my caregiving, when my partner kept insisting that nothing was wrong. Once her diagnosis came through and I understood the dynamics better, I could detach and “deal.”
Due to my severe dysmenorrhea, I learned early on to ask for help when I knew I needed it — like having someone fetch one of my college classmates to literally pick me up off the bathroom floor and help me get back to class. Humor came in handy, there.
The lessons I learned during that time help me as I try to be proactive, looking into home health care options for a time when (a) my partner’s condition worsens and/or (b) I become incapacitated for one reason or another. As her sole caregiver, with no family involvement and almost no family contact at all, I’ve made it a habit to seek help however I can find it. Pride doesn’t factor into my actions at all — my survival instinct does.
Bob said on February 6, 2013
I didn’t get a chance to hear the blogcast but it feels I’ve dealt with the “burden” issue much of my life. When I was first diagnosed with a mood disorder in my 20′s, I felt like a burden. I feel like I’ve been a burden to my family as I rely a lot on them right now. They care-give me so I have the capacity to caregive my wife. My wife feels like a burden to me. I tell her she is not a burden. I tell her that noone could have foreseen what would happen with her medically and that as her husband, I am caring for her the best I can which is the right thing for a husband to be doing in my eyes. That doesn’t mean we do not have our moments. I frequently feel over-burdened with all I’m contending with not because of my caree–just the multitude of tasks. So, as I’ve said before, I just stay in the moment the best I can.
@gail said on February 6, 2013
@ejourneys and @Bob? I think you “care” about your carees no? As you say? In the moment and as best you can! And you both do a GREAT!!! job of it!!!! {{HUGS}}