What’s the Worst Caregiving Emotion?
Feb 7 2013 in Your Caregiving Journey by Denise
Last night, on Your Caregiving Journey, our panel of family caregivers joined me to answer this question: What’s the worst caregiving emotion?
@ejourneys, @jbones1961 (Jane) and @kreisler (Richard) agreed that fear is the worst for them. @gail called to join the discussion and share that, for her, shame is the worst. We had a fascinating discussion about fear, which you can listen to via the player below.
I’d love to know: For you, what’s the worst caregiving emotion? Please share your thoughts in our comments section, below.
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@gail said on February 7, 2013
I guess it is true that the brain works while you sleep!
Because I’ve been thinking about this ever since we had the discussion. Denise you talked about being vulnerable and how knowing you were “Okay” would help you get over the fear of being vulnerable. I guess I would have a problem with that since having had two psychotic episodes I wasn’t “Okay” and I had to deal with that. Being “psychotic” is difficult because you don’t KNOW you are not okay? But everyone else around you is telling you that you are not. As the patient you feel normal and good. Even on a mission. But others? Medical staff and family are not allowing you to “stay on that mission.” You MUST “get better!” So? The reality of the world comes crashing on down around you and you do face “reality” which isn’t so much fun as a “psychotic break!” It’s scarey to be sane but it feels better to be insane.
Jane said on February 7, 2013
I was thinking about what Gail said about shame. I also struggle with this emotion as well as guilt. I feel shame because I didn’t do enough to make sure that the doctors were actually trying to figure out what was wrong with Nicole. I feel shame because I didn’t listen to Nicole and take her seriously like I should have. I feel shame because I feel that I have let her down that some of her health issues are my fault.
Hugs:o)
Jane ~ mom to Nicole, 18 yo, VSD, PFO, ES, PAH (dx 1/22/10) ; BHJS (dx 2/4/11)
“You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
@gail said on February 7, 2013
Hi @Jane, I was wondering if we can learn to accept ourselves and forgive ourselves for the “shame” we feel. The ways we have “let down our carees?” It is very difficult isn’t it? For me it is! I want to do better and be a better caregiver at all times because I am SUPPOSE TO BE! Right? Isn’t that why I am in the role of caregiver which God put me into? Maybe there lies our guilt too! Tough act to do eh? {{HUGS}}
Bob said on February 8, 2013
I would say the pain that both my wife and I feel over the loss of the life we had when things were okay. There are so many other emotions. This topic would make a good blog for me to do. Jane and Gail, I struggle with guilt and shame as well about many things during my caregiving journey. Shame means I’m bad for actions I might have taken that I didn’t feel good about. I try to frame same as regret over actions or behaviors in which I feel I inadvertently hurt or caused pain to someone. Guilt, for me, often comes when I feel I’m not doing enough or I’m extremely exhausted and not at my best in doing what needs to get done or in missing some time in being able to see my wife because of competing responsibilities I can’t ignore.
@gail said on February 9, 2013
@Bob? You are such a sweet man! It hurts me when you speak of your emotions like this! Remember that you are sweet okay? Remember that you are trying your best okay? Remember that you, sweet guy, are Okay as Denise says so often to us and we don’t believe her sometimes! (At least I don’t!
)
Remember, Bob, how much we all love you and God tells you to love yourself and forgive yourself. Bob? You are so hard on yourself! Relax, my dear sweet friend and forgive yourself these emotions which you agrandise within your life and are just not true, my friend! You are GOOD?! Yes! GOOD! That is my humble opinion! {{HUGS}}
Bob said on February 10, 2013
Dear Gail: I deeply appreciate the very lovingly-kind things you said. Thanks for lifting my spirits. When I went to Church today, I felt God’s presence and felt at peace inside. Bless you Gail….You are a dear cyber-pal to me. Stay well, my friend ((Hugs)) Bob
@gail said on February 11, 2013
Dear sweet @Bob, you are so generous to me! How can anyone live up to the expectations of emotions you say I carry!
I love to hear them anyway! Slept so well last night. Am feeling soooo much better! Thank you all for “being there” for me! What support caregiving.com gives me!
lisa_renea said on February 11, 2013
For me I suppose it would be anger.
@gail said on February 11, 2013
Me too Renea as well as hurt, disappointment, and like I already said, shame and regret, and etc. etc. etc.